Valentine dating tips

Tips to save money on dating on Valentine day 1. Set a correct budget. To save money on your date, you can make a dating plan in the best way by preparing a budget. Due to the budget limit, your expenses are fixed and you can make right kind of expenses as your pocket allows. It gives you the ability to take the right decisions financially. TULSA — This Valentine's Day, more people are single than ever before. So, we're working for you to get tips from a dating expert. Leslie Wardman has been a matchmaker for about 20 years and is ... 13 dating tips for [Valentine’s day 2020] February 6, 2020 February 7, 2020 admin. Share. Tweet. Share. Email. The 14 th of February is known as Valentine’s day. It’s a day mostly for couples or aspiring couples to go on dates and have a good time. Valentine’s day is the day where you should expect to be invited on a date or seize the ... Romantic Dating Tips on Valentine's Day. With the festival of love nearing with each passing day, you're probably having jitters as well as pleasures. That's but natural. And moreso, if you are going on a date with the hottest dude or gal you've been dreaming about for a long time. To ease your tensions and make your dating sail smoothly here ... Dating tips are meant to advise you how to proceed with if you are new to the dating world. Valentine dating tips - Find a man in my area! Free to join to find a man and meet a woman online who is single and looking for you. Join the leader in rapport services and find a date today. Join and search! Want to meet eligible single woman who share your zest for life? Indeed, for those who've tried and failed to find the right man offline, internet dating can provide. Those in a long-term relationship: Take a walk down memory lane with a custom-created “story of us” book, these are the sweetest and most thoughtful mementos ever. In the same vein is a constellation map that tells your relationship story. A few guys in the office said they wouldn’t mind getting The Echo Dot or Google Home, and zodiac jewelry is also a trending gift option. Valentine’s Day Dating Advice and Tips. Last modified: July 18, 2019 By Chloe Langr. If you’re in a new relationship this Valentine’s day, you may be searching for dating advice. All of those pink hearts and flower bouquets could have you sweating bullets. Do you go all out and plan an evening straight out of a romantic movie? Here are some hot dating tips that can really help you out: The thing a woman wants on Valentine’s Day isn’t so much “romance”; It’s excitement. That’s why you shouldn’t feel weird about hitting the town with a woman that you just met recently on Valentine’s Day — or even a woman that you met the night of Valentine’s Day.

I (31/f) am struggling with break-up regret.

2020.09.25 20:37 Affectionate-Fox-198 I (31/f) am struggling with break-up regret.

It's been about 8 months since I (31/f) ended my 2 year relationship with my ex (31/M). At the time, it felt like I was making the right decision. I had felt anxious and unsure about how he felt about me for a while, didn't feel like myself anymore because my self-confidence was gone, and I felt like he had mentally checked out months prior to the actual break-up.
Now, though, I feel like my brain is playing tricks on me. Is this something normal that has happened to anyone else? All I can remember are the good times. I find myself constantly worrying that I'll never find another man who makes me laugh like he did, who fit in with my family or loved my dog like he did, etc. Will these feelings of regret ever go away? I've been dating, but feel like I compare everyone to him. I also recently found out he's dating someone new, and that might be messing with me.
The break-up itself was initiated by him.. finalized by me. I don't know if maybe my loss of control is to blame here? I feel like I was pushed to leave him even though I didn't want to, because he had stopped inviting me out with him, stopped being affectionate or talking to me, and we just kept fighting - it seemed like we resented each other, I felt very alone while living with him. When I suggested counseling, he declined.
When we were trying to sort things out, it was Valentines Day. We had plans to meet up, but he cancelled on me last minute, said he was tired from his hockey practice. I haven't seen him since. I just can't get over certain things about how it ended, and I don't know why. Anyone have any tips on how to stop this never-ending narrative in my head that tells me I should have never ended things with him, that I should have tried harder because I'll never find someone else like him?!
TL;DR- I (31/f) am looking for advice on how to get over feelings of regret after leaving a 2-year relationship.
submitted by Affectionate-Fox-198 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 00:38 atokadelggon Updated Walmart Jargon, acronyms, initialisms, and information you should know

4 years ago, u/melantonpsn created a jargon list for use by this subreddit. Due to recent updates and changes in the company, I decided to update said list.
If you're still out there, melantonpsn, thank you for your hard work in creating the original list
This is mainly just a copy/paste of their original list, with the new changes added in along with things I've learned from personal experience. It may not be 100% correct, but that is where you come in! If you see anything on here that appears to be wrong, or don't see something that you feel should be, please let me know so I can update the list. This is meant to help everyone, especially new associates, so it is imperative that we have the correct information.
​
Without further ado, I present to you the list:
Types of Stores:
SC: A supercenter
Div 1: a smaller type of store. It carries less items and does not have all departments
NHM: Neighborhood Market
Sam's Club: A Walmart company that requires a membership to shop at
Departments
Apparel: 24: Boys wear
30: Bras and Shapewear
41: College and Pro Sports Apparel
33: Girls Wear
28: Hosiery
26: Infant Apparel
32: Jewelry and Sunglasses
31: Ladies Accessories and Handbags
29: Ladies Sleepwear
23: Men’s Wear
34: Misses and Junior Apparel
36: Outerwear and Swimwear
35: Plus size and Maternity
25: Shoes
27: Socks
Consumables:
46: Beauty/Cosmetics
2: HBA
13: Household Chemicals and Cleaning Supplies
4: Household Paper Goods
79: Infants Consumables
40: OTC pharmacy
8: Pets and Supplies
Entertainment:
85: 1 Hour Photo
21: Books and Magazines
6: Cameras and Supplies/Photo
72: Electronics
5: Media and Gaming
87: Wireless Devices
58: Wireless Services
Food:
98: Bakery
1: Candy and Tobacco
81: Commercial Bread
90: Dairy
95: DSD Grocery
91: Frozen Foods
92: Grocery
82: Impulse/Checkout Merchandise
96: Liquor
93: Meat and Seafood
97: Meat and Deli Wall
94: Produce
80: Service Deli
Homelines:
20: Bath and Shower
22: Bedding
14: Cook and Dine and Small Appliances
19: Crafts
44: Fabric
71: Furniture
17: Home Decór
74: Storage and Organization
Hardlines:
37: ACC
10: Automotive
67: Celebrations
48: Firearms
11: Hardware
77: Large Appliances
56: Live Plants and Garden Supplies
16: Outdoor Living
12: Paint and Accessories
18: Seasonal (Easter, Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving/Fall, Valentines Day, etc.)
9: Sporting Goods
3: Stationary
7: Toys
Miscellaneous:
50: Doctor Fees/Optical Service Income
65: Fuel
15: Health and Wellness Clinics
49: Optical
38: Pharmacy Prescriptions
89: Travel
86: Walmart Financial Services
69: Walmart.com sales
99: Store Assets
Store Positions
SM: the store manager. This is the highest role in stores. They are the ones in charge of the entire place.
SL: Store Lead. This position exists only in certain stores. They work directly opposite the store manager, helping to run the day to day operations of the store.
Coach: A salaried member of management who runs a wide area. The amount of coaches you have in your store will be determined by your store, as will what they are over. They report directly to the store manager.
Coach Trainee: An hourly member of management who is in training to become a Coach.
ASM: Assistant Store Manager. A salaried member of management who runs a specific area, much like a coach. Most of these positions were phased out with the introduction of the Coach role, but a few still remain. They report to the store leads or, in the absence of store leads, the store manager.
APASM: A salaried member of management in charge of all things AP. This is mainly things like theft, but can also include other things as well.
TL: Team Lead. Directly under the coach, these hourly supervisors run a small team. They work to develop the members of that team. They may also act as the manager on duty in the absence of a salaried member of management (must have training to do so).
AT: Academy trainers. This position currently only exists in NHMs. This position is in charge of training new employees. In Supercenters, this role falls to the team lead.
TA: Team associate. This is the regular associates of Walmart.
DM: Department Manager. This position has been almost completely phased out, save for a few exceptions. Their job is to run a specific department.
Claims Supervisor: The person in charge of claims.
APA: Asset Protection Associate. This person is meant to help stop theft. They will often roam the store, keeping an eye on customers whom they deem suspicious and will deal with theft issues as they arise.
SC(O)H: Self checkout host. This person watches over the self checkouts, helping customers and looks for items not scanned.
APCH: AP Customer Host. This person is in charge of doing receipt checks at the doors.
Stockman: a cart pusher
Mod Associate: an Associate who sets mods. Often based on overnights.
People Lead: often referred to as HR, they are the ones in charge of orientations, hiring, etc.
Old Positions
Cap 1: in charge of cleaning up freight and capping grocery and consumable bins. Replaced by stocking team 1
Cap Supervisor: In charge of Cap 1. Replaced by Stocking Lead 1
FCAP 1: Fresh cap team 1. In charge of working the Meat, Produce, Bakery, and Deli Freight and capping. Replaced by Meat/Produce team, bakery team, and deli team.
FCAP 1 Supervisor: In charge of FCAP 1. Replaced by Meat/Produce Lead, Bakery Lead, and Deli Lead
Cap 2: In charge of unloading the GM truck and working freight in grocery and consumables. Replaced by Stocking Team 2
Cap 2 Supervisor: In charge of Cap 2. Replaced by Stocking Lead 2.
Support Manager: A position in charge of various things across the stores. Often referred to as "Managements bitch", they basically do whatever salaried members of management ask of them while often helping to run the store. Often viewed as a stepping stone between hourly management and salaried management.
FCAP 2: Fresh Cap 2. In charge of capping, culling, and doing markdowns for Meat, Produce, Bakery, and Deli. Replaced by Meat/Produce team, Bakery Team, and Deli Team.
ON: Overnights. In charge of different things which vary by store, but usually FDD freight, finishing up Grocery and consumable freight, and working GM Freight. Replaced by Stocking Team 3
ON Support Manager: In charge of overnights. They report directly to the overnight asm. Were also MODs in the lack of a salaried member of management. Replaced by Stocking Lead 3.
CSM: customer service manager. Often found to be wearing yellow vests, they are in charge of running the front end. Replaced by Front End Lead
Locations
Grocery Doors: The entrance doors at the front of the store on the grocery side. Will stay open for as long as the store is open.
GM Doors: The entrance doors at the front of the store on the GM side. Will often close earlier in the evening, funneling everyone through the grocery doors.
Cart bay: where carts are stores for customers when they come into the store
Cart rails: the set of shelves as you come into the store. Called cart rails as they’re right next to or near the cart bays
Bullpen: the encircled area where the self check outs are located
TLE: Tire and Lube Express. Also known as ACC (auto care center)
HBA: Health and Beauty Aids. Also known as HBC (Health and Beauty Care)
OTC: Over the Counter. Refers to Pharmacy
L&G: Lawn and Garden
FDD: Frozen, Dairy, and Deli
CO: Cash Office
Front End: The front of the store. The front end is usually located between the two entrances. It includes all the registers at the front of the store and the service desk, but also includes positions like maintenance and stockmen.
Sales Floor: The area customers have available to shop
Back Room: The employee-only area. This is where trucks are unloaded and overstock goes. HR, Management Offices (except AP), and the break room are also located back here.
Softlines: Apparel departments
Consumables: Items that people use often. These include HBA, Cosmetics, Chemicals, Paper goods, Infants, OTC, and Pets.
Entertainment: everything often referred to as "electronics".
Grocery: any food or drink item, not including fresh
Fresh: Meat, Produce, Deli, and Bakery.
Homelines: Things you would use in a home. Things like bedding, furniture, cooking items, etc. are located in this area.
Hardlines: Basically everything else that doesn't fit into the above categories. These are things people may want, but aren't a necessity.
Action Alley
Action Alley: these are the areas in between departments. They are where customers and associates alike will walk as they are often the quickest ways around the store. They also will have features inside of them to increase sales.
B Action Alley: The Action Alley that separates grocery from apparel
The Cross: the section that separates apparel departments. As apparel is often a different color from the rest of the floor, it is easy to see the division here.
Horse Shoe: Toys, ACC, Hardware, HBA and OTC. When looking at them from a birds eye view, they will often make a horseshoe shape, but this is not in all stores.
Bowling Alley: the area between apparel and the front end registers. It is said that customers often look like bowling pins when they are lined up. May also be called the trench.
Main Alley: The back most action alley. May also be known as Long Action Alley or Back Action Alley
Race Track: All of the action alleys combined
Walls
Wet Wall: Located in Produce, its the wall with the fresh vegetables on it. Will often have rugs underneath to absorb excess moisture as there are sprinklers on this wall.
Meat Wall: The area where meat is sold
97 Wall: the area that holds bacon, hot dogs, lunch meat, lunchables, and the like
End Cap: At the end of all aisles that aren't against a wall. Features are set here to capture customer's eyes and sell more product.
Zoning
While zoning, Walmart employs a method known as fast zoning. To do a proper fast zone, take the following steps:
  1. for the first layer (the layer touching the shelf) start at the edge of the shelf closest to you.
  2. Fill all the way back until you reach the end of the shelf. Do not stack anything until this first layer is completed.
  3. After the first layer is completed, you may start the second layer. The second layer (and all layers above this) start at the back of the shelf and come forward. Do not start another layer until the previous layer is full.
Stocking
Case: a box of freight that holds multiple items inside of it that go on the shelf.
PDQ: Product Display Quantity. Some products will come in special cases meant to show off the product better. Also known as SRPs (Shelf Ready Packaging)
Breakpacks: the mixed boxes that come off the truck that will have small items in them that couldn't be thrown into the truck. May also be referred to as Totes, One Touch, or Casepack.
Fast track: The piece of plastic that holds the shelf labels
Bunkers: Located in grocery, these are the frozen or chilled areas not connected to the walls. They are often used for features. Also known as cooler bunker
Stackbase: a 4x4 plastic/wooden pallet that goes in action alley. Holds features.
COMAC: Food features that Home Office mandates
TIP: Towel in Pocket. Some associates will carry towels with them so they can easily clean up small spills. Not to be confused with TIPS
Buttholes: Hanging products can often rip, making it so they can't be hung anymore. Buttholes are sticky pieces of plastic that are attached to products like that so they can be rehung. May also be known as tabs, do-its, dang-it’s or damn-it’s.
Topstock: The highest shelves. They are meant to hold products that can't go on the shelves. May also be called risers
WACOs: Walmart Approved Corrugated Container. boxes kept on topstock or the backroom that are meant to hold products that don't easily fit on topstock or in the bins. Usually because they're so small or tend to roll around
Transportation
L Cart: an cart that makes an L shape with its handle. Also called a long cart
Rocket Cart: a 2-leveled cart that folded up for easy storage. These carts are being taken out of stores due to a number of incidents where associates received injuries due to the latches failing.
Top-Stock Cart: A cart with 3 levels on it. Attached to the front is a ladder, making reaching topstock much easier. May also be called a ladder cart.
Pallet Jack: a 2 pronged fork on wheels used to drive pallets around the store.
Electric Pallet Jack: an electric version of the pallet jack usually used to unload trucks or move especially heavy pallets.
Walkie Stacker: a type of lift used to reach the top steel or stack pallets.
Forklift: a type of lift used outside that is meant to carry and stack pallets. Can also be used to unload trucks.
Scissor Lift: a lift that carries a person and possibly some merchandise. Mainly used in Lawn and Garden and during seasonal sets to put up seasonal decorations or signs.
Trucks and the Backroom
HVDC: High Velocity Distribution Center. This is the grocery truck. Also called remix
McLanes: The candy truck. While it may have other departments in it (mainly pets, OTC, Tobacco, and grocery) it is almost all candy. Depending on location it may also be CoreMark
Origin: The truck that McLanes arrives on
Dance Floor: The space used for truck unloading
Hole in the Wall: the Trash Compactor. May also be called Oscar (like Oscar the grouch)
Baler: where plastic and cardboard are recycled. The baler makes compact, rectangular bales that are then taken to recycling centers to be reused.
Bin: The individual areas where overstock is kept in the backroom.
Steel: the steel that overstock is kept in. Contains the bins
Top-Steel: where pallets of merchandise or other important items are stores in the backroom. Located at the top of the steel.
Cap: The process of scanning items into a bin
Pick: When capping, the scanner will tell you if an item needs to go out to the floor.
Work: After capping, working the cart is when you take the cart of merchandise out and stock the items that were picked.
Inventory Flow Process: the process of items making their way from the manufacturer to customers homes.
CAP: Customer Availability Program. The process of making sure our shelves are stocked for the customers
DSD: Direct to Store Delivery. Products that come in from warehouses other than those owned by Walmart. Are usually stocked by the vendors or reps from those companies.
MABD: Must Arrive By Date
OSCA: On Shelf Customer Availability. The percentage of items we have in stock and on the shelves so that customers may purchase them
RPCs: Reusable Plastic Containers. the foldable plastic crates used in fresh departments.
Backload: sending pallets, rpcs, and break pack boxes back to the warehouses so they can be reused.
Miscellaneous
CBLs: Computer Based Learning. Replaced by the ULearn System
Telxon: an old scanner. Most stores do not have these anymore, but some still hold on to these relics. They are most often used in fabrics and crafts. Other forms of scanners include MCs or TCs. May also be referred to as a scanner, handheld, or gun (there are little triggers that sort of make the scanners look like guns
Onboarding: The initial training videos associates watch when they are hired. Replaced pathways
ULearn: The additional training associates will undergo every so often.
TIPS: Threaten Intimidate Promise Spy. An illegal method of dealing with unionizing
FOE: Facts, Opinions, and experiences. A lawful way of dealing with unionizing.
The Mule: the machines that stockmen use to push carts
Shopping Cart Party: When a group of associates goes outside to round up carts. Happens when stockmen fall behind. Also known as a buggy run
HEATKTE: High Expectations are the Key to Everything (Pronounced Het-Ka-Tee)
EDLC: Every day low cost. The way Walmart keeps prices low by reducing everyday costs.
EDLP: Every day low price. Correlates with EDLC
WOSH: Worked over Scheduled Hours. Will depend on the time of year and your management team, but as a general rule, working longer than you're scheduled is frowned upon unless you have management approval. You may be asked to cut any extra hours you accumulate throughout the week by taking a longer lunch or leaving early/coming in late
OBW: One best way. This is the official way everything is supposed to be run. Most stores do not follow this, however, and run things however they please.
Coaching: a disciplinary action.
Open Door: the process of taking concerns, ideas, or problems to higher ups. Starting with your immediate supervisor (or the next step higher if your supervisor is part of the problem), you discuss the idea or problem with management until it is resolved.
Ethics: a place to take all your ethical concerns. Be aware that ethics only deals with issues that are legal issues or are in direct violation of Walmarts Statement of Ethics.
GWP: Great Workplace. The phasing out of old supervisor roles to make way for the new team system. Has been renamed Teaming.
GAIN: global associate interactive network. the process of ending an associates employment.
One Walmart: Walmart’s site for employees. May also be called the wire
[email protected]: a free app on the App Store that allows you to view your schedule. Replaced the mywalmartschedule app
BYOD: allows you to download work apps to your personal phone. Only available in certain states.
WIN: Walmart Identification Number. This is your employee number.
submitted by atokadelggon to walmart [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 21:20 throwawaysmallbiz2 I (28F) feel like my boyfriend (M30) doesn't have any time for me with his business and I'm not sure how (or if) we can make it work.

We've been together 2 years now and he runs his family's small business, which is a brick and mortar retail store (he's been managing it solo since March). I know he's super stressed out as a lot of responsibility is on his shoulders between managing employees and keeping the store running in general. The store is only 3 miles away but we're in a metropolitan area so we don't have a car. To get there, public transit takes 40 mins, a bike takes 25 mins, or a cab is 20 mins (but cab fares add up). He'll often stay the night at the store to work late and sleep on his office couch, anywhere between 1-4 nights a week (depending on how busy he is that week). On the nights he does come home, he doesn't come home until 10 pm at the very earliest. He hasn't taken a day off in months. He said he'd take a day off for my birthday (which was a few weeks ago) but he changed his mind, worked anyway and came home at 10pm. Many nights he will promise he's coming home and just won't show up.
We've fought about his unavailability before, so I've tried to be flexible with him and understanding on days he has to work late, but it's hard. To try to spend more time together, I recently (within the last 3 months) started coming in after work about 2 days a week to help out around the store. I already work full time but I have been helping him out (unpaid) by setting up a website, social media page and ecommerce store so they can start selling products online.
Since he's not home as much, he doesn't help with housework, cleaning or cooking. Recently I pointed out that he should at least try to take out the trash and he claimed he shouldn't have to, since he's the one that is at home the least and doesn't accumulate as much trash. Occasionally he does his own laundry, but I do it about 75% of the time. I also wanted to mention that he's not taking on any more responsibility than me financially speaking, as we split rent, bills and utilities.
He's not great at communicating throughout the day when the business is open, I don't really get a text or call from him unless he needs something. He "doesn't like texting", apparently. There's rarely (if ever) a point where he would reach out just to check in with me to say hi. He said that I should be more social or get more hobbies so I'm not so preoccupied with him (even though he said that out of anger, it hurts). I don't think wanting to see or talk to your partner regularly is being "clingy", but he makes me feel desperate for wanting even the bare minimum amount of communication. This year has been more lonely than ever (due to covid) and I know I've isolated myself socially a bit to stay safe, so it hurts to hear him tell me I should just hang out with other people if I miss him. He said if I want to see him even more I should come to the store, but honestly, after working full time and already committing to around 2-3 days a week working there, I don't feel like hanging out with him there even more. I would rather see him at our home or another location where I feel like his girlfriend (and not an employee).
At certain points I've thought he was cheating so I've been through his phone. Yes, I know this is bad, but I had a gut feeling and I went through it (he has also snooped through mine). I've never seen anything that explicitly indicated that he was cheating, however, I see that he deletes a lot of conversations and messages (yes, I know this is a red flag). He has also changed two friend's names (that happen to be women) into guys names and claimed "it happened when his phone updated" (yes, I know that was a lie).
We don't do many coupley things and he's not a romantic person at all. We barely went on dates before covid happened, so we haven't done anything date-like since Valentine's Day. He said things will be easier soon as he's trying to delegate more of his work to employees and he wants to figure out how he can do more work from home, but he's said this before and I haven't seen any changes. I don't really feel like I'm in a relationship anymore. At this point, I feel like a roommate he can fuck & split bills with for the time being.
Does anyone have any tips for how to date a very busy person? Or am I just wasting my time here.
TLDR: Boyfriend is too busy to boyfriend due to a small business, not sure if I'm a chump for sticking around & being taken advantage of or if there's any potential here.
submitted by throwawaysmallbiz2 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:18 IUActivities Activities at IU Sep18-27

It is harder than normal to socialize and meet new people, so here is a list of activities for this week. This e-mailed list is mostly comprised of club events, but there are also some IU calendars to check out: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/events https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/ You can find the Google Doc of this week here: Link At the end of this message is a list of Club Chats: GroupMe, Slack, or Discord.

Week of Sept 18th-27th Activities:

Times are Eastern/Bloomington/New York

Friday, September 18th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

Voting in Groups, Thinking Like Ideologues: The Paradox of Partisan Conflict in the United States

Cost: Free Host Organization: Center on American Politics Time: 12:30-2pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99946112490 Event Description: Using an original survey experiment, Schmidt confirms that partisan identifiers find it easier to associate their opponents with stereotypical policies rather than stereotypical groups. Moreover, ideology offers citizens uniquely high-quality information about parties.

Egocentric computer vision, for fun and for science

Cost: Free Host Organization: Luddy School of Informatics, Computing, and Engineering CS Colloquium Series Contact: Roni Khardon ([email protected]) Time: 3pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/684108959 Event Description: How can computer vision contribute to and benefit from this embodied perspective on the world? In this talk, I’ll argue for why computer vision on egocentric images and videos is uniquely challenging and interesting, and I’ll present some of my lab’s recent work in this area, focusing on two specific lines of work.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

Inside Outdoors

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Outdoor Adventures Contact: [email protected] Time: 5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/95115205986?pwd=ZVJFWDZ0dDNWRnBVTi9Xc2VWVjJWUT09 Description of Org: UOA has helped members of the IU community lead active lifestyles by providing opportunities to participate in programs that foster a love of the outdoors. Offering academic courses for credit, gear rentals, adventure trips, workshops, and more, they're sure to have your next adventure in mind. Event Description: Inside Outdoors is a virtual sub-division of our IU Outdoors series, where Outdoor Adventures hosts a space for students, faculty, and staff to join in and talk about outdoor opportunities on and off IU’s campus.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Rosh Hashanah Services

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Hillel (Hillel Outreach and Special Events) Contact: Sue Silberberg, [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: In -Person AND Online In-Person: Hillel, 730 E 3rd St - In-person: registration required at https://calendly.com/iuhillel/high-holiday?month=2020-09 Virtual: registration required at https://calendly.com/mason-iu/virtual-rosh-hashana-services-programs?month=2020-09 Description of Org: Hillel is the Jewish “home away from home” at IU. Join your Hoosier Hillel family for great ways to meet other students and for learning and/or leadership opportunities. Go to iuhillel.org for more information. Event Description: Shana Tova from your Hoosier Hillel Family! Happy New Year! Rosh Hashanah begins Friday evening September 18 and continues through September 20. Conservative/Traditional Egalitarian Service, Reform/Musical Service, Rosh Hashanah Happy Hour, Torah/Learn about the binding of Isaac, Shofar Blowing and Tashlich. (see full schedule at https://iuhillel.org/high-holiday-2020-schedule)

Outdoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-10:45pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: This Friday night tune into Mean Girls which has become a “cult classic” written by Tina Fey and starring Lindsay Lohan.

eSports Nite: Fortnite

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Late Nite Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-1am Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6183906 Description of Org: a campus-wide initiative that offers free activities and events after 9pm, Thursday through Saturday. Event Description: Join our virtual event that combines fun and competition hosted by a professional video game announcer! Think you've got what it takes to compete? Make sure you register in advance on beINvolved! Or, if you prefer to watch rather than play, tune in to our live twitch stream and cheer on your fellow Hoosiers! Here is the link to the registration page for this specific tournament. https://tournaments.bravous.com/tournaments/119313f2798a2f6ff5fedc3104044bca/register

Saturday, September 19th

Self-Care Saturday: Paper Weaving [Virtual]

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 10:30-11am Location: Online Register to receive an email with the Zoom link: https://iu.zoom.us/webinaregisteWN_JjOfGteOQpCROJj2YH7lhQ Event Description: Unwind with artmaking. Drawing inspiration from Sarah Urist Green’s The Art Assignment, guests will learn how to make their own paper weaving using simple materials they have at home. Grab some paper, something to cut with (scissors, xacto knife, etc.), and a touch of creativity. This activity is great to do on your own or with friends or family!

Volunteer Service Saturday

Cost: $0 Host Organization: African Women's Leadership Organization (AWLO) Contact: [email protected] Time: 10AM-12PM Location: In Person Salvation Army, 115 N Rogers St Bloomington, IN 47404 Description of Org: African Women's Leadership Organization intends to to motivate and empower Afrocentric women while supporting women within the African continent. Event Description: AWLO will be volunteering at the Salvation Army for our very first Service Saturday! We will be working on sizing, kid's department, photos, fixing bookshelves, and more! Closed toe shoes will be required, hope to see you there!

Classical Connections Zoom Concert Series

Cost: free Host Organization: Classical Connections Contact: [email protected] Time: 1pm EST Location: online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91768188053 Meeting ID: 917 6818 8053 Description of Org: Classical Connections works with students from the Jacobs School of Music to bring the joy of music to diverse areas of the greater Bloomington community through musical performance, educational engagement, and interpersonal development. Event Description: Virtual musical concert for the Bloomington community featuring Jacobs School of Music students. If you are interested in performing for future concerts please email [email protected].

Outdoor Movie : Creed

Cost: free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-11:15pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: The former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa serves as a trainer and mentor to Adonis Johnson, the son of his late friend and former rival Apollo Creed.

Sunday, September 20th

Indoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Films Contact: [email protected] Time: 2pm Location: In Person: IMU WHITTENBERGER RSVP Here: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6447195_ga=2.113252932.2130990725.1600313240-1316309806.1600116586 Event Description: Cady Heron is a hit with The Plastics, the A-list clique at her new school until she makes the mistake of falling for Aaron Samuels, the ex-boyfriend of alpha Plastic Regina Georgia. Rated PG-13. Please note: An RSVP does not guarantee you a spot at the event, limited space available. Please arrive early. Check-in begins 30 minutes before the start time of the movie. LIABILITY WAIVER REQUIRED https://iu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_56nSRZms1DYhkJD

Monday, September 21st

Ultimate Frisbee Tabling Recruitment

Cost: $0 Host Organization: IU Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Contact: [email protected] Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM Location: Showalter Fountain Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU will set up a recruitment table on campus to recruit new members at 1:00PM – 3:00PM on Monday, September 21st.

IU Asian Culture Center, Purdue University, and University of Illinois present “Minor Feelings” Book Discussion Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12:30-1:30pm Location: Online E-mail for link Event Description: Join us as we read and discuss Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings. Interested in attending? Please email [email protected] to receive a webinar link. IU students, faculty, and staff can access the e-book here

Jackbox Virtual Game Night

Cost: Free Host Organization: Student Athletic Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/7473056790?pwd=L3pYOVBOanF3eHJYNTRqeTVGU3kzZz09 Meeting ID: 747 305 6790 Password: Gamenight" Description of Org: SAB provides students the opportunity to be an active part of the planning, organizing, and successful completion of athletic events. Event Description: Jackbox games for people to play throughout the event.

Aikido Short-Staff Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

The Ethics of COVID-19

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-7:30pm Location: Online URL: https://iu.zoom.us/j/93033580754 Meeting ID: 930 3358 0754 Event Description: Tune in to this timely talk from internal medicine and pulmonary/critical care doctors on the ethics of COVID!

Defining Democracy: The Responsibility of Civic Engagement

Cost: Free Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99178364501 Event Description: Part One of the IU Libraries’ Be an Informed Voter! Virtual Democracy Gatherings. Featuring Ann Birch, President of the League of Women Voters of Bloomington-Monroe and Martin Law, BLM B-town Core Council Member.

Tuesday, September 22nd

Discs in Dunn Meadow

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club Contact: [email protected] Time: 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate will practice throwing discs in Dunn Meadow (while sanitizing their hands and/or wearing gloves). This is a recruitment event.

Quantitative Methods: Free help for graduate students doing research

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94825645900 Event Description: Offered by IU School of Education Inquiry Methodology Program in the Department of Counseling and Educational Psychology. Need help with your research methods? Join Montserrat Medinaceli for Quantitative Methods, Tuesdays from 4 – 6pm

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Bloomington Birders Call-out Meeting!

Cost: Free Host Organization: Bloomington Birders Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/96965041062?pwd=djNuM2d5RkNndm03cFo0a3hKa05HQT09 Description of Org: Bloomington Birders is a club concerned with local birds in Bloomington. Some activities the club participates in are birding, habitat construction, and learning more about our local birds. Event Description: Join us for a call-out meeting on Tuesday, September 22nd! We'll discuss our plans for the year and what we want the club to accomplish.

Take A Stand Talks: How does IU respond to violence against Trans students?

Cost: Free Host Organization: Office for Sexual Violence Prevention and Victim Advocacy Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7:15pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/98073724516 Description of Org: TAS Talks is a platform that allows students to connect with community safety and response professionals and experts. This is a place where participants can ask questions and discuss topics that they can't anywhere else. Event Description: A virtual roundtable discussion about the concerns and campus response to gender-based violence against Trans students.

Workout with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-9pm 9-10pm is Social Hour Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Zoom workout led by Fencing Club, followed by social time.

Civic Action, Advocacy, and Policy Considerations for Music Educators

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Association for Music Education at IU Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 8-9pm Location: Online: Zoom < https://iu.zoom.us/j/91440392599?pwd=V1RuMXZaSTkzaU9tL0R2aXJFYW5rZz09 > < Meeting ID: 914 4039 2599 > < Password: nafme > Description of Org: NAfME at IU, is an organization through which students may attend sponsored events, find volunteer opportunities in local area schools, attend the state music education convention, assist IU in various projects throughout the year, and more as an advocate for musical learning. Event Description: Come learn about how you can register to vote, make a voting plan, and participate in the November 2020 general election! ​Additionally, we will explore ways in which to engage in music education advocacy and policy, including issues surrounding the profession, practice and equity.

Wednesday, September 23rd

Indiana Cybersecurity Regulation Virtual Event

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online Register here: https://events.uschamber.com/INCybersecurity. Event Description: Join ILR for a Virtual Event featuring Indiana Attorney General Curtis Hill regarding his office’s new cybersecurity safe harbor rulemaking initiative.

Aikido Sword Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

Inclusive Language 101

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online Please register online for the event using this link: bit.ly/IncLan101 Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: During this conversation we will define inclusive language, discuss why it matters, and practice using it. We’ll talk about ways you can actively create a more equitable and inclusive culture in your communities.

Film: The First Rainbow Coalition

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: Online For the Zoom link, RSVP to [email protected] no later than September 22, 2020. Event Description: This new documentary explores the legacy of the groundbreaking 1960s Rainbow Coalition of Chicago. THE FIRST RAINBOW COALITION united poor Blacks, Whites, and Latinos to openly challenge police brutality and substandard housing in one of the most segregated cities in America.

Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations

Cost: Free Host Organization: Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online Register in advance for this meeting: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJIodemtrzkrGdRUfmCosRj3iFxaWqlp3lVq Event Description: A Conversation about Social Justice, Opera, and Race, with Lawrence Brownlee and Marietta Simpson.

NBA x DCI Series: Audition Preparation Panel

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Band Association at Indiana University Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 7:30-8:30pm Location: Online: Zoom https://iu.zoom.us/j/91809918762?pwd=V2REbWp5WlV2N21aMVUxMmoxa003Zz09 < Meeting ID: 918 0991 8762 > < Password: nba > Description of Org: The National Band Association is the largest professional organization for bands in the world. NBA at IU promotes the musical and educational significance of bands and is dedicated to the attainment of a high level of excellence for bands and band music. Event Description: Come join NBA with special guests Amanda Petro, August Merback, Jesse Saldana, Bobby Burns, Annelise Wingard, and Claire Wilcox as we discuss the process of taking a DCI audition and how to prepare, so be sure to bring your questions!

Thursday, September 24th

Voting in the age of COVID-19 Annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: Online Pre-Register to Join: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJ0vdeCgqT4qHNwCxtGuURyVjHJmZkFDKzKV Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: Board chair of Verified Voting Barbara Simons will discuss internet voting at this annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk.

Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5:30pm Location: Online https://www.facebook.com/events/957986774676278/ Event Description: A panel discussion exploring the newly published book Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote by historian Ellen Carol Dubois.

Neurodevelopment Genetics

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94047129089 Event Description: Come learn about the exciting field of Neurodevelopment Genetics with Dr. Christensen!

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Re-imagining Relationships: imagining(imaging), reflecting, communicating (for Graduate Students)

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-8pm Location: Online Please RSVP for Zoom details! https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/143340-re-imagining-relationships-imaginingimaging Event Description: This is an introductory HLS Global Studio workshop for graduate students using drawing and movement activities that engage different metaphors and conceptualizations about water and what it means to be human.

Teaching Vocal Jazz with Kat Sherman

Cost: Free Host Organization: American Choral Directors Association Contact: Madelyn Merrell, [email protected] Time: 7:00pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91295947935 Description of Org: ACDA is a nonprofit music education organization whose central purpose is to promote excellence in choral music through performance, composition, publication, research, and teaching. ACDA has student chapters in colleges and universities around the country. Event Description: Come learn about techniques and tips for teaching vocal jazz to students with Kat Sherman! Feel free to bring any questions you have.

Discussion with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-10pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Discussion topic with Fencing Club.

Awkward Silence Comedy Show

Cost: Free Host Organization: Awkward Silence Comedy Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm Location: In-person, campus location TBA Description of Org: Awkward Silence Comedy is a student-run long-form improv comedy group that performs free weekly shows every Thursday on campus. Find us on Instagram/Twitter (@awkward_iub) or Facebook for weekly updates on show locations. Event Description: Come enjoy an hour of free improvised comedy! Masks and social distancing are required.

Lotus in the Meadow 2020

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Contact: [email protected] Time: 9:30-10:30pm Location: In-Person Dunn Meadow Description of Org: IMU has served as the hub of the campus, providing a welcoming place for students, faculty, staff, alumni, and visitors to connect with each other and the campus as they eat, relax, study, play, or celebrate. Event Description: Kick-off the Lotus Festival with the Indiana Memorial Union! We'll be hosting a pre-recorded set of Nation Beat on our inflatable film screen. So grab a couple of close friends, a blanket or some lawn chairs, and prepare to dance the night away with your fellow Hoosiers in a safe, socially distanced way.

Friday, September 25th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

How Politicians Use Twitter to Shape Voter Beliefs

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3:30pm Location: Online https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/138314-how-politicians-use-twitter-to-shape-voter-beliefs Event Description: Data scientist Derek Willis from ProPublica will discuss social media data analysis that demonstrates how politicians utilize Twitter to influence voters.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

EEB Seminar Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online Zoom registration required to attend. Registration link provided here: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJcude6gqjMoH9J3ymmG6GdtIkClmgW0Afj_?_x_zm_rtaid=R2Llw1lPTaaR7X68y5P9pQ.1599564358842.f90ce0a77e2342b51744bd0d5dab2395&_x_zm_rhtaid=99 Event Description: In this seminar, I will discuss varied efforts at appreciating the role of the environment in shaping evolutionary and ecological dynamics, spanning problems in protein evolution, drug resistance, and emerging infectious diseases.

IU Outdoors: Outdoor Strengthening

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Outdoors Contact: [email protected] Time: 4:45-6pm Location: In-Person Meet at the Woodburn Clock Tower just southwest of Woodburn Hall. Please arrive for check-in between 4:30 and 4:45 PM. Event Description: This IU Outdoors event will be split into 2 groups of no more than 15 and will travel to different unique outdoor spots on campus. At each spot, the groups will focus on a series of beginner-level body weight strengthening exercises to get our blood pumping! The hour will finalize back at the Clock Tower at 6:00 PM.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Let's Move! Yoga & Dance W/ IU MoCo

Cost: Free Host Organization: Movement Cooperative at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: In-Person Woodburn Clock Description of Org: The Movement Cooperative at Indiana University (MoCo) aims to create a safe and welcoming environment in which members are encouraged to explore dance through creating, learning, and experimenting with movement. Event Description: 45-minute yoga flow, followed by a short improvised performance of dance and conversation with members of the Movement Cooperative. Bring your own mat and water, all levels welcome!

Union Board Film Screenings – Ratatouille

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Union Board Contact: (812) 855-4682 Time: 9:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn Description of Org: Union Board is the governing body of the Indiana Memorial Union and the largest student programming organization on campus. Driven by students and student ideas, the Union Board plans a range of fun, entertaining, and educational events for students to come together, explore multiple world views, discuss current events, and learn from one another. Event Description: Union Board will present three free outdoor film screenings of Disney's Ratatouille simultaneously at Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn.

Saturday, September 26th

Java with Java

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 11-Noon Location: Online Register at: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/142913-java-with-java Event Description: Virtually enjoy a cup of coffee with CEWT’s Women Who Code Student Alliance Team while we code with Java – No experience necessary! This is a time where we can virtually interact with you and just hang out while coding. Grab a cup of coffee, a fully charged laptop, and an hour of your time to hang out with our team; we will use this time to breakdown the basics of the Java coding language and teach some new skills working within the environment. We hope you leave with some newfound knowledge and connections within CEWT!

The Iris Book Prize: Reading, Award Ceremony, and Discussion

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: Noon Location: Online Register: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/135766-the-iris-book-prize-reading-award-ceremony-and Event Description: Join us for a reading by author David George Haskell and a discussion with guest speakers Kocku von Stuckrad and David Abram, moderated by Lisa Sideris.

Outdoor Spaces Performance Series – Meet at the Metz

Cost: Free Time: 12:00-12:45pm Location: Metz Carillon Event Description: A carillon concert sponsored by the Jacobs School of Music and the Arts and Humanities Council.

Sunday, September 27th

Shoe Cutting Event

Cost: 0$ Host Organization: Sole Hope at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 11am - 2 pm Location: In-person / TBD Description of Org: Sole Hope is a non-profit organization based out of Uganda, and the goal of this club is to support this organization by gathering monetary donations and materials needed to make shoes for those in need. Event Description: We will be coming together and gathering all materials fundraised throughout the month to cut shoes for children in Uganda.

Access @ IU — Virtual Resource Fair

Cost: Free Host Organization: The Neurodiversity Coalition at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6412932 Description of Org: We are a group of Indiana University students, staff, faculty and community members who support initiatives to make our campus (Bloomington) more inclusive of the rights and needs of IU students with neurodiverse brain function. Event Description: Come join us via Zoom to learn not only about the Neurodiversity Coalition @ IU, but about many valuable campus and community resources to take advantage of as an IU student! Struggling with prioritizing homework? Feeling down due to the pandemic? Hoping to learn about ways to get help with tuition? Organizations and other entities in Bloomington will be present to chat with folks, provide information, and represent the excellence they bring to students. Stay tuned for an official Zoom link, as well as a complete list of participating community resources!

Additional Social Connections

Animal Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/58658194/4MQ9EWZe

Beekeeping Club at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/53531021/XtptFHYJ

Chess Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/54949198/APsSzhtv https://discord.gg/MS989wJ

Computer Science Club at Indiana University

Join us on Slack: https://csclubiu.slack.com/signup GroupMe: https://csclub.sice.indiana.edu/groupme

Corporate Strategy Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/61920167/3k7zVH0y

D&D Club

GroupMe! https://groupme.com/join_group/42711637/YvuemQ Discord! https://discord.gg/EAM9wzq

Drone Club

https://discord.com/invite/YXdH4cQ

[email protected]

https://gaming.indiana.edu/ https://discordapp.com/invite/iugaming

Global Soccer Supporters

https://groupme.com/join_group/61908401/q0f4VBna

Japanese Animation and Culture Club

https://discord.gg/4p5BaYu

Magic: the Gathering Club

https://discord.gg/K2GXGud

Passive Income Development Club

https://discord.gg/PUFdAgz

Politics Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/62121259/uhrIQz6q

Scholars Without Borders

https://groupme.com/join_group/62389887/2MLlj4sC

Students for Animal Behavior at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/48616693/Et1QkqTW

Table Tennis Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/43617877/QtuJCY

Women in Accounting

https://groupme.com/join_group/47306889/EDV7Wj
If you would like to submit a public event, please DM a completed template to me:
Date: Event Title: Host Organization: Contact: Time: Location: // Description of Org: <2 sentences max> Event Description:
It is also advised that all organizations keep their BeInvolved pages updated, monitor the listed e-mail address, and add public events to the BeInvolved Calendar. In this era of physical distancing it is crucial that we take the time to make sure we don’t have to be socially distant.
submitted by IUActivities to collins [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:58 IUActivities Activities at IU Sep18-27

It is harder than normal to socialize and meet new people, so here is a list of activities for this week. This e-mailed list is mostly comprised of club events, but there are also some IU calendars to check out: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/events https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/ You can find the Google Doc of this week here: Link At the end of this message is a list of Club Chats: GroupMe, Slack, or Discord.

Week of Sept 18th-27th Activities:

Times are Eastern/Bloomington/New York

Friday, September 18th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

Voting in Groups, Thinking Like Ideologues: The Paradox of Partisan Conflict in the United States

Cost: Free Host Organization: Center on American Politics Time: 12:30-2pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99946112490 Event Description: Using an original survey experiment, Schmidt confirms that partisan identifiers find it easier to associate their opponents with stereotypical policies rather than stereotypical groups. Moreover, ideology offers citizens uniquely high-quality information about parties.

Egocentric computer vision, for fun and for science

Cost: Free Host Organization: Luddy School of Informatics, Computing, and Engineering CS Colloquium Series Contact: Roni Khardon ([email protected]) Time: 3pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/684108959 Event Description: How can computer vision contribute to and benefit from this embodied perspective on the world? In this talk, I’ll argue for why computer vision on egocentric images and videos is uniquely challenging and interesting, and I’ll present some of my lab’s recent work in this area, focusing on two specific lines of work.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

Inside Outdoors

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Outdoor Adventures Contact: [email protected] Time: 5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/95115205986?pwd=ZVJFWDZ0dDNWRnBVTi9Xc2VWVjJWUT09 Description of Org: UOA has helped members of the IU community lead active lifestyles by providing opportunities to participate in programs that foster a love of the outdoors. Offering academic courses for credit, gear rentals, adventure trips, workshops, and more, they're sure to have your next adventure in mind. Event Description: Inside Outdoors is a virtual sub-division of our IU Outdoors series, where Outdoor Adventures hosts a space for students, faculty, and staff to join in and talk about outdoor opportunities on and off IU’s campus.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Rosh Hashanah Services

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Hillel (Hillel Outreach and Special Events) Contact: Sue Silberberg, [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: In -Person AND Online In-Person: Hillel, 730 E 3rd St - In-person: registration required at https://calendly.com/iuhillel/high-holiday?month=2020-09 Virtual: registration required at https://calendly.com/mason-iu/virtual-rosh-hashana-services-programs?month=2020-09 Description of Org: Hillel is the Jewish “home away from home” at IU. Join your Hoosier Hillel family for great ways to meet other students and for learning and/or leadership opportunities. Go to iuhillel.org for more information. Event Description: Shana Tova from your Hoosier Hillel Family! Happy New Year! Rosh Hashanah begins Friday evening September 18 and continues through September 20. Conservative/Traditional Egalitarian Service, Reform/Musical Service, Rosh Hashanah Happy Hour, Torah/Learn about the binding of Isaac, Shofar Blowing and Tashlich. (see full schedule at https://iuhillel.org/high-holiday-2020-schedule)

Outdoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-10:45pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: This Friday night tune into Mean Girls which has become a “cult classic” written by Tina Fey and starring Lindsay Lohan.

eSports Nite: Fortnite

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Late Nite Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-1am Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6183906 Description of Org: a campus-wide initiative that offers free activities and events after 9pm, Thursday through Saturday. Event Description: Join our virtual event that combines fun and competition hosted by a professional video game announcer! Think you've got what it takes to compete? Make sure you register in advance on beINvolved! Or, if you prefer to watch rather than play, tune in to our live twitch stream and cheer on your fellow Hoosiers! Here is the link to the registration page for this specific tournament. https://tournaments.bravous.com/tournaments/119313f2798a2f6ff5fedc3104044bca/register

Saturday, September 19th

Self-Care Saturday: Paper Weaving [Virtual]

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 10:30-11am Location: Online Register to receive an email with the Zoom link: https://iu.zoom.us/webinaregisteWN_JjOfGteOQpCROJj2YH7lhQ Event Description: Unwind with artmaking. Drawing inspiration from Sarah Urist Green’s The Art Assignment, guests will learn how to make their own paper weaving using simple materials they have at home. Grab some paper, something to cut with (scissors, xacto knife, etc.), and a touch of creativity. This activity is great to do on your own or with friends or family!

Volunteer Service Saturday

Cost: $0 Host Organization: African Women's Leadership Organization (AWLO) Contact: [email protected] Time: 10AM-12PM Location: In Person Salvation Army, 115 N Rogers St Bloomington, IN 47404 Description of Org: African Women's Leadership Organization intends to to motivate and empower Afrocentric women while supporting women within the African continent. Event Description: AWLO will be volunteering at the Salvation Army for our very first Service Saturday! We will be working on sizing, kid's department, photos, fixing bookshelves, and more! Closed toe shoes will be required, hope to see you there!

Classical Connections Zoom Concert Series

Cost: free Host Organization: Classical Connections Contact: [email protected] Time: 1pm EST Location: online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91768188053 Meeting ID: 917 6818 8053 Description of Org: Classical Connections works with students from the Jacobs School of Music to bring the joy of music to diverse areas of the greater Bloomington community through musical performance, educational engagement, and interpersonal development. Event Description: Virtual musical concert for the Bloomington community featuring Jacobs School of Music students. If you are interested in performing for future concerts please email [email protected].

Outdoor Movie : Creed

Cost: free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-11:15pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: The former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa serves as a trainer and mentor to Adonis Johnson, the son of his late friend and former rival Apollo Creed.

Sunday, September 20th

Indoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Films Contact: [email protected] Time: 2pm Location: In Person: IMU WHITTENBERGER RSVP Here: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6447195_ga=2.113252932.2130990725.1600313240-1316309806.1600116586 Event Description: Cady Heron is a hit with The Plastics, the A-list clique at her new school until she makes the mistake of falling for Aaron Samuels, the ex-boyfriend of alpha Plastic Regina Georgia. Rated PG-13. Please note: An RSVP does not guarantee you a spot at the event, limited space available. Please arrive early. Check-in begins 30 minutes before the start time of the movie. LIABILITY WAIVER REQUIRED https://iu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_56nSRZms1DYhkJD

Monday, September 21st

Ultimate Frisbee Tabling Recruitment

Cost: $0 Host Organization: IU Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Contact: [email protected] Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM Location: Showalter Fountain Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU will set up a recruitment table on campus to recruit new members at 1:00PM – 3:00PM on Monday, September 21st.

IU Asian Culture Center, Purdue University, and University of Illinois present “Minor Feelings” Book Discussion Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12:30-1:30pm Location: Online E-mail for link Event Description: Join us as we read and discuss Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings. Interested in attending? Please email [email protected] to receive a webinar link. IU students, faculty, and staff can access the e-book here

Jackbox Virtual Game Night

Cost: Free Host Organization: Student Athletic Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/7473056790?pwd=L3pYOVBOanF3eHJYNTRqeTVGU3kzZz09 Meeting ID: 747 305 6790 Password: Gamenight" Description of Org: SAB provides students the opportunity to be an active part of the planning, organizing, and successful completion of athletic events. Event Description: Jackbox games for people to play throughout the event.

Aikido Short-Staff Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

The Ethics of COVID-19

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-7:30pm Location: Online URL: https://iu.zoom.us/j/93033580754 Meeting ID: 930 3358 0754 Event Description: Tune in to this timely talk from internal medicine and pulmonary/critical care doctors on the ethics of COVID!

Defining Democracy: The Responsibility of Civic Engagement

Cost: Free Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99178364501 Event Description: Part One of the IU Libraries’ Be an Informed Voter! Virtual Democracy Gatherings. Featuring Ann Birch, President of the League of Women Voters of Bloomington-Monroe and Martin Law, BLM B-town Core Council Member.

Tuesday, September 22nd

Discs in Dunn Meadow

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club Contact: [email protected] Time: 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate will practice throwing discs in Dunn Meadow (while sanitizing their hands and/or wearing gloves). This is a recruitment event.

Quantitative Methods: Free help for graduate students doing research

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected]ndiana.edu Time: 4-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94825645900 Event Description: Offered by IU School of Education Inquiry Methodology Program in the Department of Counseling and Educational Psychology. Need help with your research methods? Join Montserrat Medinaceli for Quantitative Methods, Tuesdays from 4 – 6pm

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Bloomington Birders Call-out Meeting!

Cost: Free Host Organization: Bloomington Birders Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/96965041062?pwd=djNuM2d5RkNndm03cFo0a3hKa05HQT09 Description of Org: Bloomington Birders is a club concerned with local birds in Bloomington. Some activities the club participates in are birding, habitat construction, and learning more about our local birds. Event Description: Join us for a call-out meeting on Tuesday, September 22nd! We'll discuss our plans for the year and what we want the club to accomplish.

Take A Stand Talks: How does IU respond to violence against Trans students?

Cost: Free Host Organization: Office for Sexual Violence Prevention and Victim Advocacy Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7:15pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/98073724516 Description of Org: TAS Talks is a platform that allows students to connect with community safety and response professionals and experts. This is a place where participants can ask questions and discuss topics that they can't anywhere else. Event Description: A virtual roundtable discussion about the concerns and campus response to gender-based violence against Trans students.

Workout with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-9pm 9-10pm is Social Hour Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Zoom workout led by Fencing Club, followed by social time.

Civic Action, Advocacy, and Policy Considerations for Music Educators

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Association for Music Education at IU Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 8-9pm Location: Online: Zoom < https://iu.zoom.us/j/91440392599?pwd=V1RuMXZaSTkzaU9tL0R2aXJFYW5rZz09 > < Meeting ID: 914 4039 2599 > < Password: nafme > Description of Org: NAfME at IU, is an organization through which students may attend sponsored events, find volunteer opportunities in local area schools, attend the state music education convention, assist IU in various projects throughout the year, and more as an advocate for musical learning. Event Description: Come learn about how you can register to vote, make a voting plan, and participate in the November 2020 general election! ​Additionally, we will explore ways in which to engage in music education advocacy and policy, including issues surrounding the profession, practice and equity.

Wednesday, September 23rd

Indiana Cybersecurity Regulation Virtual Event

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online Register here: https://events.uschamber.com/INCybersecurity. Event Description: Join ILR for a Virtual Event featuring Indiana Attorney General Curtis Hill regarding his office’s new cybersecurity safe harbor rulemaking initiative.

Aikido Sword Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

Inclusive Language 101

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online Please register online for the event using this link: bit.ly/IncLan101 Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: During this conversation we will define inclusive language, discuss why it matters, and practice using it. We’ll talk about ways you can actively create a more equitable and inclusive culture in your communities.

Film: The First Rainbow Coalition

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: Online For the Zoom link, RSVP to [email protected] no later than September 22, 2020. Event Description: This new documentary explores the legacy of the groundbreaking 1960s Rainbow Coalition of Chicago. THE FIRST RAINBOW COALITION united poor Blacks, Whites, and Latinos to openly challenge police brutality and substandard housing in one of the most segregated cities in America.

Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations

Cost: Free Host Organization: Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online Register in advance for this meeting: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJIodemtrzkrGdRUfmCosRj3iFxaWqlp3lVq Event Description: A Conversation about Social Justice, Opera, and Race, with Lawrence Brownlee and Marietta Simpson.

NBA x DCI Series: Audition Preparation Panel

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Band Association at Indiana University Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 7:30-8:30pm Location: Online: Zoom https://iu.zoom.us/j/91809918762?pwd=V2REbWp5WlV2N21aMVUxMmoxa003Zz09 < Meeting ID: 918 0991 8762 > < Password: nba > Description of Org: The National Band Association is the largest professional organization for bands in the world. NBA at IU promotes the musical and educational significance of bands and is dedicated to the attainment of a high level of excellence for bands and band music. Event Description: Come join NBA with special guests Amanda Petro, August Merback, Jesse Saldana, Bobby Burns, Annelise Wingard, and Claire Wilcox as we discuss the process of taking a DCI audition and how to prepare, so be sure to bring your questions!

Thursday, September 24th

Voting in the age of COVID-19 Annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: Online Pre-Register to Join: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJ0vdeCgqT4qHNwCxtGuURyVjHJmZkFDKzKV Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: Board chair of Verified Voting Barbara Simons will discuss internet voting at this annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk.

Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5:30pm Location: Online https://www.facebook.com/events/957986774676278/ Event Description: A panel discussion exploring the newly published book Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote by historian Ellen Carol Dubois.

Neurodevelopment Genetics

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94047129089 Event Description: Come learn about the exciting field of Neurodevelopment Genetics with Dr. Christensen!

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Re-imagining Relationships: imagining(imaging), reflecting, communicating (for Graduate Students)

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-8pm Location: Online Please RSVP for Zoom details! https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/143340-re-imagining-relationships-imaginingimaging Event Description: This is an introductory HLS Global Studio workshop for graduate students using drawing and movement activities that engage different metaphors and conceptualizations about water and what it means to be human.

Teaching Vocal Jazz with Kat Sherman

Cost: Free Host Organization: American Choral Directors Association Contact: Madelyn Merrell, [email protected] Time: 7:00pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91295947935 Description of Org: ACDA is a nonprofit music education organization whose central purpose is to promote excellence in choral music through performance, composition, publication, research, and teaching. ACDA has student chapters in colleges and universities around the country. Event Description: Come learn about techniques and tips for teaching vocal jazz to students with Kat Sherman! Feel free to bring any questions you have.

Discussion with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-10pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Discussion topic with Fencing Club.

Awkward Silence Comedy Show

Cost: Free Host Organization: Awkward Silence Comedy Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm Location: In-person, campus location TBA Description of Org: Awkward Silence Comedy is a student-run long-form improv comedy group that performs free weekly shows every Thursday on campus. Find us on Instagram/Twitter (@awkward_iub) or Facebook for weekly updates on show locations. Event Description: Come enjoy an hour of free improvised comedy! Masks and social distancing are required.

Lotus in the Meadow 2020

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Contact: [email protected] Time: 9:30-10:30pm Location: In-Person Dunn Meadow Description of Org: IMU has served as the hub of the campus, providing a welcoming place for students, faculty, staff, alumni, and visitors to connect with each other and the campus as they eat, relax, study, play, or celebrate. Event Description: Kick-off the Lotus Festival with the Indiana Memorial Union! We'll be hosting a pre-recorded set of Nation Beat on our inflatable film screen. So grab a couple of close friends, a blanket or some lawn chairs, and prepare to dance the night away with your fellow Hoosiers in a safe, socially distanced way.

Friday, September 25th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

How Politicians Use Twitter to Shape Voter Beliefs

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3:30pm Location: Online https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/138314-how-politicians-use-twitter-to-shape-voter-beliefs Event Description: Data scientist Derek Willis from ProPublica will discuss social media data analysis that demonstrates how politicians utilize Twitter to influence voters.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

EEB Seminar Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online Zoom registration required to attend. Registration link provided here: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJcude6gqjMoH9J3ymmG6GdtIkClmgW0Afj_?_x_zm_rtaid=R2Llw1lPTaaR7X68y5P9pQ.1599564358842.f90ce0a77e2342b51744bd0d5dab2395&_x_zm_rhtaid=99 Event Description: In this seminar, I will discuss varied efforts at appreciating the role of the environment in shaping evolutionary and ecological dynamics, spanning problems in protein evolution, drug resistance, and emerging infectious diseases.

IU Outdoors: Outdoor Strengthening

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Outdoors Contact: [email protected] Time: 4:45-6pm Location: In-Person Meet at the Woodburn Clock Tower just southwest of Woodburn Hall. Please arrive for check-in between 4:30 and 4:45 PM. Event Description: This IU Outdoors event will be split into 2 groups of no more than 15 and will travel to different unique outdoor spots on campus. At each spot, the groups will focus on a series of beginner-level body weight strengthening exercises to get our blood pumping! The hour will finalize back at the Clock Tower at 6:00 PM.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Let's Move! Yoga & Dance W/ IU MoCo

Cost: Free Host Organization: Movement Cooperative at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: In-Person Woodburn Clock Description of Org: The Movement Cooperative at Indiana University (MoCo) aims to create a safe and welcoming environment in which members are encouraged to explore dance through creating, learning, and experimenting with movement. Event Description: 45-minute yoga flow, followed by a short improvised performance of dance and conversation with members of the Movement Cooperative. Bring your own mat and water, all levels welcome!

Union Board Film Screenings – Ratatouille

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Union Board Contact: (812) 855-4682 Time: 9:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn Description of Org: Union Board is the governing body of the Indiana Memorial Union and the largest student programming organization on campus. Driven by students and student ideas, the Union Board plans a range of fun, entertaining, and educational events for students to come together, explore multiple world views, discuss current events, and learn from one another. Event Description: Union Board will present three free outdoor film screenings of Disney's Ratatouille simultaneously at Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn.

Saturday, September 26th

Java with Java

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 11-Noon Location: Online Register at: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/142913-java-with-java Event Description: Virtually enjoy a cup of coffee with CEWT’s Women Who Code Student Alliance Team while we code with Java – No experience necessary! This is a time where we can virtually interact with you and just hang out while coding. Grab a cup of coffee, a fully charged laptop, and an hour of your time to hang out with our team; we will use this time to breakdown the basics of the Java coding language and teach some new skills working within the environment. We hope you leave with some newfound knowledge and connections within CEWT!

The Iris Book Prize: Reading, Award Ceremony, and Discussion

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: Noon Location: Online Register: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/135766-the-iris-book-prize-reading-award-ceremony-and Event Description: Join us for a reading by author David George Haskell and a discussion with guest speakers Kocku von Stuckrad and David Abram, moderated by Lisa Sideris.

Outdoor Spaces Performance Series – Meet at the Metz

Cost: Free Time: 12:00-12:45pm Location: Metz Carillon Event Description: A carillon concert sponsored by the Jacobs School of Music and the Arts and Humanities Council.

Sunday, September 27th

Shoe Cutting Event

Cost: 0$ Host Organization: Sole Hope at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 11am - 2 pm Location: In-person / TBD Description of Org: Sole Hope is a non-profit organization based out of Uganda, and the goal of this club is to support this organization by gathering monetary donations and materials needed to make shoes for those in need. Event Description: We will be coming together and gathering all materials fundraised throughout the month to cut shoes for children in Uganda.

Access @ IU — Virtual Resource Fair

Cost: Free Host Organization: The Neurodiversity Coalition at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6412932 Description of Org: We are a group of Indiana University students, staff, faculty and community members who support initiatives to make our campus (Bloomington) more inclusive of the rights and needs of IU students with neurodiverse brain function. Event Description: Come join us via Zoom to learn not only about the Neurodiversity Coalition @ IU, but about many valuable campus and community resources to take advantage of as an IU student! Struggling with prioritizing homework? Feeling down due to the pandemic? Hoping to learn about ways to get help with tuition? Organizations and other entities in Bloomington will be present to chat with folks, provide information, and represent the excellence they bring to students. Stay tuned for an official Zoom link, as well as a complete list of participating community resources!

Additional Social Connections

Animal Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/58658194/4MQ9EWZe

Beekeeping Club at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/53531021/XtptFHYJ

Chess Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/54949198/APsSzhtv https://discord.gg/MS989wJ

Computer Science Club at Indiana University

Join us on Slack: https://csclubiu.slack.com/signup GroupMe: https://csclub.sice.indiana.edu/groupme

Corporate Strategy Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/61920167/3k7zVH0y

D&D Club

GroupMe! https://groupme.com/join_group/42711637/YvuemQ Discord! https://discord.gg/EAM9wzq

Drone Club

https://discord.com/invite/YXdH4cQ

[email protected]

https://gaming.indiana.edu/ https://discordapp.com/invite/iugaming

Global Soccer Supporters

https://groupme.com/join_group/61908401/q0f4VBna

Japanese Animation and Culture Club

https://discord.gg/4p5BaYu

Magic: the Gathering Club

https://discord.gg/K2GXGud

Passive Income Development Club

https://discord.gg/PUFdAgz

Politics Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/62121259/uhrIQz6q

Scholars Without Borders

https://groupme.com/join_group/62389887/2MLlj4sC

Students for Animal Behavior at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/48616693/Et1QkqTW

Table Tennis Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/43617877/QtuJCY

Women in Accounting

https://groupme.com/join_group/47306889/EDV7Wj
If you would like to submit a public event, please DM a completed template to me:
Date: Event Title: Host Organization: Contact: Time: Location: // Description of Org: <2 sentences max> Event Description:
It is also advised that all organizations keep their BeInvolved pages updated, monitor the listed e-mail address, and add public events to the BeInvolved Calendar. In this era of physical distancing it is crucial that we take the time to make sure we don’t have to be socially distant.
submitted by IUActivities to IndianaHoosiers [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:42 IUActivities Activities at IU Sep18-27

It is harder than normal to socialize and meet new people, so here is a list of activities for this week. This e-mailed list is mostly comprised of club events, but there are also some IU calendars to check out: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/events https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/ You can find the Google Doc of this week here: Link At the end of this message is a list of Club Chats: GroupMe, Slack, or Discord.

Week of Sept 18th-27th Activities:

Times are Eastern/Bloomington/New York

Friday, September 18th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

Voting in Groups, Thinking Like Ideologues: The Paradox of Partisan Conflict in the United States

Cost: Free Host Organization: Center on American Politics Time: 12:30-2pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99946112490 Event Description: Using an original survey experiment, Schmidt confirms that partisan identifiers find it easier to associate their opponents with stereotypical policies rather than stereotypical groups. Moreover, ideology offers citizens uniquely high-quality information about parties.

Egocentric computer vision, for fun and for science

Cost: Free Host Organization: Luddy School of Informatics, Computing, and Engineering CS Colloquium Series Contact: Roni Khardon ([email protected]) Time: 3pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/684108959 Event Description: How can computer vision contribute to and benefit from this embodied perspective on the world? In this talk, I’ll argue for why computer vision on egocentric images and videos is uniquely challenging and interesting, and I’ll present some of my lab’s recent work in this area, focusing on two specific lines of work.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

Inside Outdoors

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Outdoor Adventures Contact: [email protected] Time: 5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/95115205986?pwd=ZVJFWDZ0dDNWRnBVTi9Xc2VWVjJWUT09 Description of Org: UOA has helped members of the IU community lead active lifestyles by providing opportunities to participate in programs that foster a love of the outdoors. Offering academic courses for credit, gear rentals, adventure trips, workshops, and more, they're sure to have your next adventure in mind. Event Description: Inside Outdoors is a virtual sub-division of our IU Outdoors series, where Outdoor Adventures hosts a space for students, faculty, and staff to join in and talk about outdoor opportunities on and off IU’s campus.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Rosh Hashanah Services

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Hillel (Hillel Outreach and Special Events) Contact: Sue Silberberg, [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: In -Person AND Online In-Person: Hillel, 730 E 3rd St - In-person: registration required at https://calendly.com/iuhillel/high-holiday?month=2020-09 Virtual: registration required at https://calendly.com/mason-iu/virtual-rosh-hashana-services-programs?month=2020-09 Description of Org: Hillel is the Jewish “home away from home” at IU. Join your Hoosier Hillel family for great ways to meet other students and for learning and/or leadership opportunities. Go to iuhillel.org for more information. Event Description: Shana Tova from your Hoosier Hillel Family! Happy New Year! Rosh Hashanah begins Friday evening September 18 and continues through September 20. Conservative/Traditional Egalitarian Service, Reform/Musical Service, Rosh Hashanah Happy Hour, Torah/Learn about the binding of Isaac, Shofar Blowing and Tashlich. (see full schedule at https://iuhillel.org/high-holiday-2020-schedule)

Outdoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-10:45pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: This Friday night tune into Mean Girls which has become a “cult classic” written by Tina Fey and starring Lindsay Lohan.

eSports Nite: Fortnite

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Late Nite Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-1am Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6183906 Description of Org: a campus-wide initiative that offers free activities and events after 9pm, Thursday through Saturday. Event Description: Join our virtual event that combines fun and competition hosted by a professional video game announcer! Think you've got what it takes to compete? Make sure you register in advance on beINvolved! Or, if you prefer to watch rather than play, tune in to our live twitch stream and cheer on your fellow Hoosiers! Here is the link to the registration page for this specific tournament. https://tournaments.bravous.com/tournaments/119313f2798a2f6ff5fedc3104044bca/register

Saturday, September 19th

Self-Care Saturday: Paper Weaving [Virtual]

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 10:30-11am Location: Online Register to receive an email with the Zoom link: https://iu.zoom.us/webinaregisteWN_JjOfGteOQpCROJj2YH7lhQ Event Description: Unwind with artmaking. Drawing inspiration from Sarah Urist Green’s The Art Assignment, guests will learn how to make their own paper weaving using simple materials they have at home. Grab some paper, something to cut with (scissors, xacto knife, etc.), and a touch of creativity. This activity is great to do on your own or with friends or family!

Volunteer Service Saturday

Cost: $0 Host Organization: African Women's Leadership Organization (AWLO) Contact: [email protected] Time: 10AM-12PM Location: In Person Salvation Army, 115 N Rogers St Bloomington, IN 47404 Description of Org: African Women's Leadership Organization intends to to motivate and empower Afrocentric women while supporting women within the African continent. Event Description: AWLO will be volunteering at the Salvation Army for our very first Service Saturday! We will be working on sizing, kid's department, photos, fixing bookshelves, and more! Closed toe shoes will be required, hope to see you there!

Classical Connections Zoom Concert Series

Cost: free Host Organization: Classical Connections Contact: [email protected] Time: 1pm EST Location: online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91768188053 Meeting ID: 917 6818 8053 Description of Org: Classical Connections works with students from the Jacobs School of Music to bring the joy of music to diverse areas of the greater Bloomington community through musical performance, educational engagement, and interpersonal development. Event Description: Virtual musical concert for the Bloomington community featuring Jacobs School of Music students. If you are interested in performing for future concerts please email [email protected].

Outdoor Movie : Creed

Cost: free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-11:15pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: The former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa serves as a trainer and mentor to Adonis Johnson, the son of his late friend and former rival Apollo Creed.

Sunday, September 20th

Indoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Films Contact: [email protected] Time: 2pm Location: In Person: IMU WHITTENBERGER RSVP Here: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6447195_ga=2.113252932.2130990725.1600313240-1316309806.1600116586 Event Description: Cady Heron is a hit with The Plastics, the A-list clique at her new school until she makes the mistake of falling for Aaron Samuels, the ex-boyfriend of alpha Plastic Regina Georgia. Rated PG-13. Please note: An RSVP does not guarantee you a spot at the event, limited space available. Please arrive early. Check-in begins 30 minutes before the start time of the movie. LIABILITY WAIVER REQUIRED https://iu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_56nSRZms1DYhkJD

Monday, September 21st

Ultimate Frisbee Tabling Recruitment

Cost: $0 Host Organization: IU Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Contact: [email protected] Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM Location: Showalter Fountain Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU will set up a recruitment table on campus to recruit new members at 1:00PM – 3:00PM on Monday, September 21st.

IU Asian Culture Center, Purdue University, and University of Illinois present “Minor Feelings” Book Discussion Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12:30-1:30pm Location: Online E-mail for link Event Description: Join us as we read and discuss Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings. Interested in attending? Please email [email protected] to receive a webinar link. IU students, faculty, and staff can access the e-book here

Jackbox Virtual Game Night

Cost: Free Host Organization: Student Athletic Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/7473056790?pwd=L3pYOVBOanF3eHJYNTRqeTVGU3kzZz09 Meeting ID: 747 305 6790 Password: Gamenight" Description of Org: SAB provides students the opportunity to be an active part of the planning, organizing, and successful completion of athletic events. Event Description: Jackbox games for people to play throughout the event.

Aikido Short-Staff Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

The Ethics of COVID-19

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-7:30pm Location: Online URL: https://iu.zoom.us/j/93033580754 Meeting ID: 930 3358 0754 Event Description: Tune in to this timely talk from internal medicine and pulmonary/critical care doctors on the ethics of COVID!

Defining Democracy: The Responsibility of Civic Engagement

Cost: Free Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99178364501 Event Description: Part One of the IU Libraries’ Be an Informed Voter! Virtual Democracy Gatherings. Featuring Ann Birch, President of the League of Women Voters of Bloomington-Monroe and Martin Law, BLM B-town Core Council Member.

Tuesday, September 22nd

Discs in Dunn Meadow

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club Contact: [email protected] Time: 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate will practice throwing discs in Dunn Meadow (while sanitizing their hands and/or wearing gloves). This is a recruitment event.

Quantitative Methods: Free help for graduate students doing research

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94825645900 Event Description: Offered by IU School of Education Inquiry Methodology Program in the Department of Counseling and Educational Psychology. Need help with your research methods? Join Montserrat Medinaceli for Quantitative Methods, Tuesdays from 4 – 6pm

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Bloomington Birders Call-out Meeting!

Cost: Free Host Organization: Bloomington Birders Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/96965041062?pwd=djNuM2d5RkNndm03cFo0a3hKa05HQT09 Description of Org: Bloomington Birders is a club concerned with local birds in Bloomington. Some activities the club participates in are birding, habitat construction, and learning more about our local birds. Event Description: Join us for a call-out meeting on Tuesday, September 22nd! We'll discuss our plans for the year and what we want the club to accomplish.

Take A Stand Talks: How does IU respond to violence against Trans students?

Cost: Free Host Organization: Office for Sexual Violence Prevention and Victim Advocacy Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7:15pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/98073724516 Description of Org: TAS Talks is a platform that allows students to connect with community safety and response professionals and experts. This is a place where participants can ask questions and discuss topics that they can't anywhere else. Event Description: A virtual roundtable discussion about the concerns and campus response to gender-based violence against Trans students.

Workout with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-9pm 9-10pm is Social Hour Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Zoom workout led by Fencing Club, followed by social time.

Civic Action, Advocacy, and Policy Considerations for Music Educators

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Association for Music Education at IU Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 8-9pm Location: Online: Zoom < https://iu.zoom.us/j/91440392599?pwd=V1RuMXZaSTkzaU9tL0R2aXJFYW5rZz09 > < Meeting ID: 914 4039 2599 > < Password: nafme > Description of Org: NAfME at IU, is an organization through which students may attend sponsored events, find volunteer opportunities in local area schools, attend the state music education convention, assist IU in various projects throughout the year, and more as an advocate for musical learning. Event Description: Come learn about how you can register to vote, make a voting plan, and participate in the November 2020 general election! ​Additionally, we will explore ways in which to engage in music education advocacy and policy, including issues surrounding the profession, practice and equity.

Wednesday, September 23rd

Indiana Cybersecurity Regulation Virtual Event

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online Register here: https://events.uschamber.com/INCybersecurity. Event Description: Join ILR for a Virtual Event featuring Indiana Attorney General Curtis Hill regarding his office’s new cybersecurity safe harbor rulemaking initiative.

Aikido Sword Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

Inclusive Language 101

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online Please register online for the event using this link: bit.ly/IncLan101 Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: During this conversation we will define inclusive language, discuss why it matters, and practice using it. We’ll talk about ways you can actively create a more equitable and inclusive culture in your communities.

Film: The First Rainbow Coalition

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: Online For the Zoom link, RSVP to [email protected] no later than September 22, 2020. Event Description: This new documentary explores the legacy of the groundbreaking 1960s Rainbow Coalition of Chicago. THE FIRST RAINBOW COALITION united poor Blacks, Whites, and Latinos to openly challenge police brutality and substandard housing in one of the most segregated cities in America.

Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations

Cost: Free Host Organization: Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online Register in advance for this meeting: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJIodemtrzkrGdRUfmCosRj3iFxaWqlp3lVq Event Description: A Conversation about Social Justice, Opera, and Race, with Lawrence Brownlee and Marietta Simpson.

NBA x DCI Series: Audition Preparation Panel

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Band Association at Indiana University Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 7:30-8:30pm Location: Online: Zoom https://iu.zoom.us/j/91809918762?pwd=V2REbWp5WlV2N21aMVUxMmoxa003Zz09 < Meeting ID: 918 0991 8762 > < Password: nba > Description of Org: The National Band Association is the largest professional organization for bands in the world. NBA at IU promotes the musical and educational significance of bands and is dedicated to the attainment of a high level of excellence for bands and band music. Event Description: Come join NBA with special guests Amanda Petro, August Merback, Jesse Saldana, Bobby Burns, Annelise Wingard, and Claire Wilcox as we discuss the process of taking a DCI audition and how to prepare, so be sure to bring your questions!

Thursday, September 24th

Voting in the age of COVID-19 Annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: Online Pre-Register to Join: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJ0vdeCgqT4qHNwCxtGuURyVjHJmZkFDKzKV Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: Board chair of Verified Voting Barbara Simons will discuss internet voting at this annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk.

Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5:30pm Location: Online https://www.facebook.com/events/957986774676278/ Event Description: A panel discussion exploring the newly published book Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote by historian Ellen Carol Dubois.

Neurodevelopment Genetics

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94047129089 Event Description: Come learn about the exciting field of Neurodevelopment Genetics with Dr. Christensen!

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Re-imagining Relationships: imagining(imaging), reflecting, communicating (for Graduate Students)

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-8pm Location: Online Please RSVP for Zoom details! https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/143340-re-imagining-relationships-imaginingimaging Event Description: This is an introductory HLS Global Studio workshop for graduate students using drawing and movement activities that engage different metaphors and conceptualizations about water and what it means to be human.

Teaching Vocal Jazz with Kat Sherman

Cost: Free Host Organization: American Choral Directors Association Contact: Madelyn Merrell, [email protected] Time: 7:00pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91295947935 Description of Org: ACDA is a nonprofit music education organization whose central purpose is to promote excellence in choral music through performance, composition, publication, research, and teaching. ACDA has student chapters in colleges and universities around the country. Event Description: Come learn about techniques and tips for teaching vocal jazz to students with Kat Sherman! Feel free to bring any questions you have.

Discussion with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-10pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Discussion topic with Fencing Club.

Awkward Silence Comedy Show

Cost: Free Host Organization: Awkward Silence Comedy Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm Location: In-person, campus location TBA Description of Org: Awkward Silence Comedy is a student-run long-form improv comedy group that performs free weekly shows every Thursday on campus. Find us on Instagram/Twitter (@awkward_iub) or Facebook for weekly updates on show locations. Event Description: Come enjoy an hour of free improvised comedy! Masks and social distancing are required.

Lotus in the Meadow 2020

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Contact: [email protected] Time: 9:30-10:30pm Location: In-Person Dunn Meadow Description of Org: IMU has served as the hub of the campus, providing a welcoming place for students, faculty, staff, alumni, and visitors to connect with each other and the campus as they eat, relax, study, play, or celebrate. Event Description: Kick-off the Lotus Festival with the Indiana Memorial Union! We'll be hosting a pre-recorded set of Nation Beat on our inflatable film screen. So grab a couple of close friends, a blanket or some lawn chairs, and prepare to dance the night away with your fellow Hoosiers in a safe, socially distanced way.

Friday, September 25th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

How Politicians Use Twitter to Shape Voter Beliefs

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3:30pm Location: Online https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/138314-how-politicians-use-twitter-to-shape-voter-beliefs Event Description: Data scientist Derek Willis from ProPublica will discuss social media data analysis that demonstrates how politicians utilize Twitter to influence voters.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

EEB Seminar Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online Zoom registration required to attend. Registration link provided here: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJcude6gqjMoH9J3ymmG6GdtIkClmgW0Afj_?_x_zm_rtaid=R2Llw1lPTaaR7X68y5P9pQ.1599564358842.f90ce0a77e2342b51744bd0d5dab2395&_x_zm_rhtaid=99 Event Description: In this seminar, I will discuss varied efforts at appreciating the role of the environment in shaping evolutionary and ecological dynamics, spanning problems in protein evolution, drug resistance, and emerging infectious diseases.

IU Outdoors: Outdoor Strengthening

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Outdoors Contact: [email protected] Time: 4:45-6pm Location: In-Person Meet at the Woodburn Clock Tower just southwest of Woodburn Hall. Please arrive for check-in between 4:30 and 4:45 PM. Event Description: This IU Outdoors event will be split into 2 groups of no more than 15 and will travel to different unique outdoor spots on campus. At each spot, the groups will focus on a series of beginner-level body weight strengthening exercises to get our blood pumping! The hour will finalize back at the Clock Tower at 6:00 PM.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Let's Move! Yoga & Dance W/ IU MoCo

Cost: Free Host Organization: Movement Cooperative at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: In-Person Woodburn Clock Description of Org: The Movement Cooperative at Indiana University (MoCo) aims to create a safe and welcoming environment in which members are encouraged to explore dance through creating, learning, and experimenting with movement. Event Description: 45-minute yoga flow, followed by a short improvised performance of dance and conversation with members of the Movement Cooperative. Bring your own mat and water, all levels welcome!

Union Board Film Screenings – Ratatouille

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Union Board Contact: (812) 855-4682 Time: 9:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn Description of Org: Union Board is the governing body of the Indiana Memorial Union and the largest student programming organization on campus. Driven by students and student ideas, the Union Board plans a range of fun, entertaining, and educational events for students to come together, explore multiple world views, discuss current events, and learn from one another. Event Description: Union Board will present three free outdoor film screenings of Disney's Ratatouille simultaneously at Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn.

Saturday, September 26th

Java with Java

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 11-Noon Location: Online Register at: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/142913-java-with-java Event Description: Virtually enjoy a cup of coffee with CEWT’s Women Who Code Student Alliance Team while we code with Java – No experience necessary! This is a time where we can virtually interact with you and just hang out while coding. Grab a cup of coffee, a fully charged laptop, and an hour of your time to hang out with our team; we will use this time to breakdown the basics of the Java coding language and teach some new skills working within the environment. We hope you leave with some newfound knowledge and connections within CEWT!

The Iris Book Prize: Reading, Award Ceremony, and Discussion

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: Noon Location: Online Register: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/135766-the-iris-book-prize-reading-award-ceremony-and Event Description: Join us for a reading by author David George Haskell and a discussion with guest speakers Kocku von Stuckrad and David Abram, moderated by Lisa Sideris.

Outdoor Spaces Performance Series – Meet at the Metz

Cost: Free Time: 12:00-12:45pm Location: Metz Carillon Event Description: A carillon concert sponsored by the Jacobs School of Music and the Arts and Humanities Council.

Sunday, September 27th

Shoe Cutting Event

Cost: 0$ Host Organization: Sole Hope at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 11am - 2 pm Location: In-person / TBD Description of Org: Sole Hope is a non-profit organization based out of Uganda, and the goal of this club is to support this organization by gathering monetary donations and materials needed to make shoes for those in need. Event Description: We will be coming together and gathering all materials fundraised throughout the month to cut shoes for children in Uganda.

Access @ IU — Virtual Resource Fair

Cost: Free Host Organization: The Neurodiversity Coalition at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6412932 Description of Org: We are a group of Indiana University students, staff, faculty and community members who support initiatives to make our campus (Bloomington) more inclusive of the rights and needs of IU students with neurodiverse brain function. Event Description: Come join us via Zoom to learn not only about the Neurodiversity Coalition @ IU, but about many valuable campus and community resources to take advantage of as an IU student! Struggling with prioritizing homework? Feeling down due to the pandemic? Hoping to learn about ways to get help with tuition? Organizations and other entities in Bloomington will be present to chat with folks, provide information, and represent the excellence they bring to students. Stay tuned for an official Zoom link, as well as a complete list of participating community resources!

Additional Social Connections

Animal Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/58658194/4MQ9EWZe

Beekeeping Club at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/53531021/XtptFHYJ

Chess Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/54949198/APsSzhtv https://discord.gg/MS989wJ

Computer Science Club at Indiana University

Join us on Slack: https://csclubiu.slack.com/signup GroupMe: https://csclub.sice.indiana.edu/groupme

Corporate Strategy Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/61920167/3k7zVH0y

D&D Club

GroupMe! https://groupme.com/join_group/42711637/YvuemQ Discord! https://discord.gg/EAM9wzq

Drone Club

https://discord.com/invite/YXdH4cQ

[email protected]

https://gaming.indiana.edu/ https://discordapp.com/invite/iugaming

Global Soccer Supporters

https://groupme.com/join_group/61908401/q0f4VBna

Japanese Animation and Culture Club

https://discord.gg/4p5BaYu

Magic: the Gathering Club

https://discord.gg/K2GXGud

Passive Income Development Club

https://discord.gg/PUFdAgz

Politics Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/62121259/uhrIQz6q

Scholars Without Borders

https://groupme.com/join_group/62389887/2MLlj4sC

Students for Animal Behavior at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/48616693/Et1QkqTW

Table Tennis Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/43617877/QtuJCY

Women in Accounting

https://groupme.com/join_group/47306889/EDV7Wj
If you would like to submit a public event, please DM a completed template to me:
Date: Event Title: Host Organization: Contact: Time: Location: // Description of Org: <2 sentences max> Event Description:
It is also advised that all organizations keep their BeInvolved pages updated, monitor the listed e-mail address, and add public events to the BeInvolved Calendar. In this era of physical distancing it is crucial that we take the time to make sure we don’t have to be socially distant.
submitted by IUActivities to CollinsLLC [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:27 IUActivities Activities @ IU Sep18-27

It is harder than normal to socialize and meet new people, so here is a list of activities for this week. This e-mailed list is mostly comprised of club events, but there are also some IU calendars to check out: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/events https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/ You can find the Google Doc of this week here: Link At the end of this message is a list of Club Chats: GroupMe, Slack, or Discord.

Week of Sept 18th-27th Activities:

Times are Eastern/Bloomington/New York

Friday, September 18th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

Voting in Groups, Thinking Like Ideologues: The Paradox of Partisan Conflict in the United States

Cost: Free Host Organization: Center on American Politics Time: 12:30-2pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99946112490 Event Description: Using an original survey experiment, Schmidt confirms that partisan identifiers find it easier to associate their opponents with stereotypical policies rather than stereotypical groups. Moreover, ideology offers citizens uniquely high-quality information about parties.

Egocentric computer vision, for fun and for science

Cost: Free Host Organization: Luddy School of Informatics, Computing, and Engineering CS Colloquium Series Contact: Roni Khardon ([email protected]) Time: 3pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/684108959 Event Description: How can computer vision contribute to and benefit from this embodied perspective on the world? In this talk, I’ll argue for why computer vision on egocentric images and videos is uniquely challenging and interesting, and I’ll present some of my lab’s recent work in this area, focusing on two specific lines of work.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

Inside Outdoors

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Outdoor Adventures Contact: [email protected] Time: 5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/95115205986?pwd=ZVJFWDZ0dDNWRnBVTi9Xc2VWVjJWUT09 Description of Org: UOA has helped members of the IU community lead active lifestyles by providing opportunities to participate in programs that foster a love of the outdoors. Offering academic courses for credit, gear rentals, adventure trips, workshops, and more, they're sure to have your next adventure in mind. Event Description: Inside Outdoors is a virtual sub-division of our IU Outdoors series, where Outdoor Adventures hosts a space for students, faculty, and staff to join in and talk about outdoor opportunities on and off IU’s campus.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Rosh Hashanah Services

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Hillel (Hillel Outreach and Special Events) Contact: Sue Silberberg, [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: In -Person AND Online In-Person: Hillel, 730 E 3rd St - In-person: registration required at https://calendly.com/iuhillel/high-holiday?month=2020-09 Virtual: registration required at https://calendly.com/mason-iu/virtual-rosh-hashana-services-programs?month=2020-09 Description of Org: Hillel is the Jewish “home away from home” at IU. Join your Hoosier Hillel family for great ways to meet other students and for learning and/or leadership opportunities. Go to iuhillel.org for more information. Event Description: Shana Tova from your Hoosier Hillel Family! Happy New Year! Rosh Hashanah begins Friday evening September 18 and continues through September 20. Conservative/Traditional Egalitarian Service, Reform/Musical Service, Rosh Hashanah Happy Hour, Torah/Learn about the binding of Isaac, Shofar Blowing and Tashlich. (see full schedule at https://iuhillel.org/high-holiday-2020-schedule)

Outdoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-10:45pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: This Friday night tune into Mean Girls which has become a “cult classic” written by Tina Fey and starring Lindsay Lohan.

eSports Nite: Fortnite

Cost: FREE Host Organization: IU Late Nite Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-1am Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6183906 Description of Org: a campus-wide initiative that offers free activities and events after 9pm, Thursday through Saturday. Event Description: Join our virtual event that combines fun and competition hosted by a professional video game announcer! Think you've got what it takes to compete? Make sure you register in advance on beINvolved! Or, if you prefer to watch rather than play, tune in to our live twitch stream and cheer on your fellow Hoosiers! Here is the link to the registration page for this specific tournament. https://tournaments.bravous.com/tournaments/119313f2798a2f6ff5fedc3104044bca/register

Saturday, September 19th

Self-Care Saturday: Paper Weaving [Virtual]

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 10:30-11am Location: Online Register to receive an email with the Zoom link: https://iu.zoom.us/webinaregisteWN_JjOfGteOQpCROJj2YH7lhQ Event Description: Unwind with artmaking. Drawing inspiration from Sarah Urist Green’s The Art Assignment, guests will learn how to make their own paper weaving using simple materials they have at home. Grab some paper, something to cut with (scissors, xacto knife, etc.), and a touch of creativity. This activity is great to do on your own or with friends or family!

Volunteer Service Saturday

Cost: $0 Host Organization: African Women's Leadership Organization (AWLO) Contact: [email protected] Time: 10AM-12PM Location: In Person Salvation Army, 115 N Rogers St Bloomington, IN 47404 Description of Org: African Women's Leadership Organization intends to to motivate and empower Afrocentric women while supporting women within the African continent. Event Description: AWLO will be volunteering at the Salvation Army for our very first Service Saturday! We will be working on sizing, kid's department, photos, fixing bookshelves, and more! Closed toe shoes will be required, hope to see you there!

Classical Connections Zoom Concert Series

Cost: free Host Organization: Classical Connections Contact: [email protected] Time: 1pm EST Location: online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91768188053 Meeting ID: 917 6818 8053 Description of Org: Classical Connections works with students from the Jacobs School of Music to bring the joy of music to diverse areas of the greater Bloomington community through musical performance, educational engagement, and interpersonal development. Event Description: Virtual musical concert for the Bloomington community featuring Jacobs School of Music students. If you are interested in performing for future concerts please email [email protected].

Outdoor Movie : Creed

Cost: free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm-11:15pm Location: In-Person Prebys Amphitheatre 100 S. Valentine Road, Bloomington, Indiana Description of Org: Another weekend of outdoor movie screenings sponsored by The Indiana Memorial Union Board and in partnership with the Indiana Memorial Union. Event Description: The former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa serves as a trainer and mentor to Adonis Johnson, the son of his late friend and former rival Apollo Creed.

Sunday, September 20th

Indoor Movie: Mean Girls

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Board Films Contact: [email protected] Time: 2pm Location: In Person: IMU WHITTENBERGER RSVP Here: https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6447195_ga=2.113252932.2130990725.1600313240-1316309806.1600116586 Event Description: Cady Heron is a hit with The Plastics, the A-list clique at her new school until she makes the mistake of falling for Aaron Samuels, the ex-boyfriend of alpha Plastic Regina Georgia. Rated PG-13. Please note: An RSVP does not guarantee you a spot at the event, limited space available. Please arrive early. Check-in begins 30 minutes before the start time of the movie. LIABILITY WAIVER REQUIRED https://iu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_56nSRZms1DYhkJD

Monday, September 21st

Ultimate Frisbee Tabling Recruitment

Cost: $0 Host Organization: IU Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Contact: [email protected] Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM Location: Showalter Fountain Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU will set up a recruitment table on campus to recruit new members at 1:00PM – 3:00PM on Monday, September 21st.

IU Asian Culture Center, Purdue University, and University of Illinois present “Minor Feelings” Book Discussion Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12:30-1:30pm Location: Online E-mail for link Event Description: Join us as we read and discuss Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings. Interested in attending? Please email [email protected] to receive a webinar link. IU students, faculty, and staff can access the e-book here

Jackbox Virtual Game Night

Cost: Free Host Organization: Student Athletic Board Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/7473056790?pwd=L3pYOVBOanF3eHJYNTRqeTVGU3kzZz09 Meeting ID: 747 305 6790 Password: Gamenight" Description of Org: SAB provides students the opportunity to be an active part of the planning, organizing, and successful completion of athletic events. Event Description: Jackbox games for people to play throughout the event.

Aikido Short-Staff Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

The Ethics of COVID-19

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-7:30pm Location: Online URL: https://iu.zoom.us/j/93033580754 Meeting ID: 930 3358 0754 Event Description: Tune in to this timely talk from internal medicine and pulmonary/critical care doctors on the ethics of COVID!

Defining Democracy: The Responsibility of Civic Engagement

Cost: Free Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99178364501 Event Description: Part One of the IU Libraries’ Be an Informed Voter! Virtual Democracy Gatherings. Featuring Ann Birch, President of the League of Women Voters of Bloomington-Monroe and Martin Law, BLM B-town Core Council Member.

Tuesday, September 22nd

Discs in Dunn Meadow

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club Contact: [email protected] Time: 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow Description of Org: Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club at IU accepts new players from all skillsets. Women’s Ultimate Frisbee Club is a non-profit Ultimate Frisbee team for women at Indiana University. Event Description: Women’s Ultimate will practice throwing discs in Dunn Meadow (while sanitizing their hands and/or wearing gloves). This is a recruitment event.

Quantitative Methods: Free help for graduate students doing research

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94825645900 Event Description: Offered by IU School of Education Inquiry Methodology Program in the Department of Counseling and Educational Psychology. Need help with your research methods? Join Montserrat Medinaceli for Quantitative Methods, Tuesdays from 4 – 6pm

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Bloomington Birders Call-out Meeting!

Cost: Free Host Organization: Bloomington Birders Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/96965041062?pwd=djNuM2d5RkNndm03cFo0a3hKa05HQT09 Description of Org: Bloomington Birders is a club concerned with local birds in Bloomington. Some activities the club participates in are birding, habitat construction, and learning more about our local birds. Event Description: Join us for a call-out meeting on Tuesday, September 22nd! We'll discuss our plans for the year and what we want the club to accomplish.

Take A Stand Talks: How does IU respond to violence against Trans students?

Cost: Free Host Organization: Office for Sexual Violence Prevention and Victim Advocacy Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7:15pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/98073724516 Description of Org: TAS Talks is a platform that allows students to connect with community safety and response professionals and experts. This is a place where participants can ask questions and discuss topics that they can't anywhere else. Event Description: A virtual roundtable discussion about the concerns and campus response to gender-based violence against Trans students.

Workout with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-9pm 9-10pm is Social Hour Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Zoom workout led by Fencing Club, followed by social time.

Civic Action, Advocacy, and Policy Considerations for Music Educators

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Association for Music Education at IU Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 8-9pm Location: Online: Zoom < https://iu.zoom.us/j/91440392599?pwd=V1RuMXZaSTkzaU9tL0R2aXJFYW5rZz09 > < Meeting ID: 914 4039 2599 > < Password: nafme > Description of Org: NAfME at IU, is an organization through which students may attend sponsored events, find volunteer opportunities in local area schools, attend the state music education convention, assist IU in various projects throughout the year, and more as an advocate for musical learning. Event Description: Come learn about how you can register to vote, make a voting plan, and participate in the November 2020 general election! ​Additionally, we will explore ways in which to engage in music education advocacy and policy, including issues surrounding the profession, practice and equity.

Wednesday, September 23rd

Indiana Cybersecurity Regulation Virtual Event

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online Register here: https://events.uschamber.com/INCybersecurity. Event Description: Join ILR for a Virtual Event featuring Indiana Attorney General Curtis Hill regarding his office’s new cybersecurity safe harbor rulemaking initiative.

Aikido Sword Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Aikido Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30-7pm Location: In-Person In front of the Intramural Center (Woodlawn and 8th) Description of Org: A martial art club emphasizing the continuous connection between the persons practicing a technique by redirecting their energy and intent, rather than clashing with them head-on, thus resolving the conflict in a energy-efficient way. Event Description: Physically distanced weapon practice. Training weapons are available to borrow.

Inclusive Language 101

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 6-7pm Location: Online Please register online for the event using this link: bit.ly/IncLan101 Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: During this conversation we will define inclusive language, discuss why it matters, and practice using it. We’ll talk about ways you can actively create a more equitable and inclusive culture in your communities.

Film: The First Rainbow Coalition

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 7pm Location: Online For the Zoom link, RSVP to [email protected] no later than September 22, 2020. Event Description: This new documentary explores the legacy of the groundbreaking 1960s Rainbow Coalition of Chicago. THE FIRST RAINBOW COALITION united poor Blacks, Whites, and Latinos to openly challenge police brutality and substandard housing in one of the most segregated cities in America.

Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations

Cost: Free Host Organization: Jacobs School of Music Community Conversations Time: 7-8:30pm Location: Online Register in advance for this meeting: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJIodemtrzkrGdRUfmCosRj3iFxaWqlp3lVq Event Description: A Conversation about Social Justice, Opera, and Race, with Lawrence Brownlee and Marietta Simpson.

NBA x DCI Series: Audition Preparation Panel

Cost: Free Host Organization: The National Band Association at Indiana University Contact: Ava Traum ([email protected]) Time: 7:30-8:30pm Location: Online: Zoom https://iu.zoom.us/j/91809918762?pwd=V2REbWp5WlV2N21aMVUxMmoxa003Zz09 < Meeting ID: 918 0991 8762 > < Password: nba > Description of Org: The National Band Association is the largest professional organization for bands in the world. NBA at IU promotes the musical and educational significance of bands and is dedicated to the attainment of a high level of excellence for bands and band music. Event Description: Come join NBA with special guests Amanda Petro, August Merback, Jesse Saldana, Bobby Burns, Annelise Wingard, and Claire Wilcox as we discuss the process of taking a DCI audition and how to prepare, so be sure to bring your questions!

Thursday, September 24th

Voting in the age of COVID-19 Annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Center of Excellence for Women & Technology Student Alliance Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: Online Pre-Register to Join: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJ0vdeCgqT4qHNwCxtGuURyVjHJmZkFDKzKV Description of Org: The Center's Student Alliance is a student organization formed to empower and enable women of all skill levels and disciplines to pursue opportunities in technology through collaborative development and promotion of diverse, technology-related activities. Event Description: Board chair of Verified Voting Barbara Simons will discuss internet voting at this annual IU Women in Cybersecurity Talk.

Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5:30pm Location: Online https://www.facebook.com/events/957986774676278/ Event Description: A panel discussion exploring the newly published book Suffrage: Women’s Long Battle for the Vote by historian Ellen Carol Dubois.

Neurodevelopment Genetics

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/94047129089 Event Description: Come learn about the exciting field of Neurodevelopment Genetics with Dr. Christensen!

Outdoor Taekwondo Practice

Cost: Free Host Organization: Taekwondo Club at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5:30pm Location: In-Person Outdoors at the Arboretum (Near the intramural center) Description of Org: The I.U. Tae Kwon Do Club has been an active part of the Indiana University Martial Arts Program since 1969. In that time we have trained hundreds of black belts and taught the basics of Tae Kwon Do to thousands of I.U. students. Event Description: Outdoor martial arts practice

Re-imagining Relationships: imagining(imaging), reflecting, communicating (for Graduate Students)

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 6:30-8pm Location: Online Please RSVP for Zoom details! https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/143340-re-imagining-relationships-imaginingimaging Event Description: This is an introductory HLS Global Studio workshop for graduate students using drawing and movement activities that engage different metaphors and conceptualizations about water and what it means to be human.

Teaching Vocal Jazz with Kat Sherman

Cost: Free Host Organization: American Choral Directors Association Contact: Madelyn Merrell, [email protected] Time: 7:00pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/91295947935 Description of Org: ACDA is a nonprofit music education organization whose central purpose is to promote excellence in choral music through performance, composition, publication, research, and teaching. ACDA has student chapters in colleges and universities around the country. Event Description: Come learn about techniques and tips for teaching vocal jazz to students with Kat Sherman! Feel free to bring any questions you have.

Discussion with Fencing Club

Cost: Free Host Organization: Fencing Club at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 8-10pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/99465430902 Description of Org: The Fencing Club at Indiana University is open to anyone in or connected to the IU community who is interested in modern sport fencing. Event Description: Discussion topic with Fencing Club.

Awkward Silence Comedy Show

Cost: Free Host Organization: Awkward Silence Comedy Contact: [email protected] Time: 9pm Location: In-person, campus location TBA Description of Org: Awkward Silence Comedy is a student-run long-form improv comedy group that performs free weekly shows every Thursday on campus. Find us on Instagram/Twitter (@awkward_iub) or Facebook for weekly updates on show locations. Event Description: Come enjoy an hour of free improvised comedy! Masks and social distancing are required.

Lotus in the Meadow 2020

Cost: Free Host Organization: Indiana Memorial Union Contact: [email protected] Time: 9:30-10:30pm Location: In-Person Dunn Meadow Description of Org: IMU has served as the hub of the campus, providing a welcoming place for students, faculty, staff, alumni, and visitors to connect with each other and the campus as they eat, relax, study, play, or celebrate. Event Description: Kick-off the Lotus Festival with the Indiana Memorial Union! We'll be hosting a pre-recorded set of Nation Beat on our inflatable film screen. So grab a couple of close friends, a blanket or some lawn chairs, and prepare to dance the night away with your fellow Hoosiers in a safe, socially distanced way.

Friday, September 25th

Friday Crafternoon

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 12-1pm Location: In-Person Outside: 7th and Jordan Event Description: Stop to pick up or gather with others to do a craft activity. Each week, we’ll feature a different craft. Materials provided, limited quantity available.

How Politicians Use Twitter to Shape Voter Beliefs

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3:30pm Location: Online https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/138314-how-politicians-use-twitter-to-shape-voter-beliefs Event Description: Data scientist Derek Willis from ProPublica will discuss social media data analysis that demonstrates how politicians utilize Twitter to influence voters.

Spanish Study and Conversation tables

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Grupo Ñ Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online https://iu.zoom.us/j/93596410067 Description of Org: Grupo Ñ is a club for IU students interested in Spanish. The group focuses on creating and sharing events to broaden our understanding of Hispanic culture and to provide opportunities to practice speaking. Event Description: Come study and chat (in Spanish of course!). There will be upperclassmen who can help you review classwork that confuses you and prepare for the looming midterms, or you can just practice speaking in Spanish. We meet every Friday from 4-5pm through Zoom.

EEB Seminar Series

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 4-5pm Location: Online Zoom registration required to attend. Registration link provided here: https://iu.zoom.us/meeting/registetJcude6gqjMoH9J3ymmG6GdtIkClmgW0Afj_?_x_zm_rtaid=R2Llw1lPTaaR7X68y5P9pQ.1599564358842.f90ce0a77e2342b51744bd0d5dab2395&_x_zm_rhtaid=99 Event Description: In this seminar, I will discuss varied efforts at appreciating the role of the environment in shaping evolutionary and ecological dynamics, spanning problems in protein evolution, drug resistance, and emerging infectious diseases.

IU Outdoors: Outdoor Strengthening

Cost: Free Host Organization: IU Outdoors Contact: [email protected] Time: 4:45-6pm Location: In-Person Meet at the Woodburn Clock Tower just southwest of Woodburn Hall. Please arrive for check-in between 4:30 and 4:45 PM. Event Description: This IU Outdoors event will be split into 2 groups of no more than 15 and will travel to different unique outdoor spots on campus. At each spot, the groups will focus on a series of beginner-level body weight strengthening exercises to get our blood pumping! The hour will finalize back at the Clock Tower at 6:00 PM.

Volunteering at Middle Way House

Cost: FREE Host Organization: Movement Exchange at IU Contact: Must register in order to participate. Email [email protected] for details on how to sign up. Time: 5p-6p Location: In-Person: Middle Way House Description of Org: We aim to use our love for dance as a way to connect with various communities. Event Description: Volunteer at Middle Way House on Fridays

Let's Move! Yoga & Dance W/ IU MoCo

Cost: Free Host Organization: Movement Cooperative at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 5-6pm Location: In-Person Woodburn Clock Description of Org: The Movement Cooperative at Indiana University (MoCo) aims to create a safe and welcoming environment in which members are encouraged to explore dance through creating, learning, and experimenting with movement. Event Description: 45-minute yoga flow, followed by a short improvised performance of dance and conversation with members of the Movement Cooperative. Bring your own mat and water, all levels welcome!

Union Board Film Screenings – Ratatouille

Cost: $0 Host Organization: Union Board Contact: (812) 855-4682 Time: 9:00 PM Location: Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn Description of Org: Union Board is the governing body of the Indiana Memorial Union and the largest student programming organization on campus. Driven by students and student ideas, the Union Board plans a range of fun, entertaining, and educational events for students to come together, explore multiple world views, discuss current events, and learn from one another. Event Description: Union Board will present three free outdoor film screenings of Disney's Ratatouille simultaneously at Dunn Meadow, Prebys Amphitheater, and HLS South Lawn.

Saturday, September 26th

Java with Java

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: 11-Noon Location: Online Register at: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/142913-java-with-java Event Description: Virtually enjoy a cup of coffee with CEWT’s Women Who Code Student Alliance Team while we code with Java – No experience necessary! This is a time where we can virtually interact with you and just hang out while coding. Grab a cup of coffee, a fully charged laptop, and an hour of your time to hang out with our team; we will use this time to breakdown the basics of the Java coding language and teach some new skills working within the environment. We hope you leave with some newfound knowledge and connections within CEWT!

The Iris Book Prize: Reading, Award Ceremony, and Discussion

Cost: Free Contact: [email protected] Time: Noon Location: Online Register: https://events.iu.edu/bloomington/event/135766-the-iris-book-prize-reading-award-ceremony-and Event Description: Join us for a reading by author David George Haskell and a discussion with guest speakers Kocku von Stuckrad and David Abram, moderated by Lisa Sideris.

Outdoor Spaces Performance Series – Meet at the Metz

Cost: Free Time: 12:00-12:45pm Location: Metz Carillon Event Description: A carillon concert sponsored by the Jacobs School of Music and the Arts and Humanities Council.

Sunday, September 27th

Shoe Cutting Event

Cost: 0$ Host Organization: Sole Hope at Indiana University Contact: [email protected] Time: 11am - 2 pm Location: In-person / TBD Description of Org: Sole Hope is a non-profit organization based out of Uganda, and the goal of this club is to support this organization by gathering monetary donations and materials needed to make shoes for those in need. Event Description: We will be coming together and gathering all materials fundraised throughout the month to cut shoes for children in Uganda.

Access @ IU — Virtual Resource Fair

Cost: Free Host Organization: The Neurodiversity Coalition at IU Contact: [email protected] Time: 2-3pm Location: Online https://beinvolved.indiana.edu/event/6412932 Description of Org: We are a group of Indiana University students, staff, faculty and community members who support initiatives to make our campus (Bloomington) more inclusive of the rights and needs of IU students with neurodiverse brain function. Event Description: Come join us via Zoom to learn not only about the Neurodiversity Coalition @ IU, but about many valuable campus and community resources to take advantage of as an IU student! Struggling with prioritizing homework? Feeling down due to the pandemic? Hoping to learn about ways to get help with tuition? Organizations and other entities in Bloomington will be present to chat with folks, provide information, and represent the excellence they bring to students. Stay tuned for an official Zoom link, as well as a complete list of participating community resources!

Additional Social Connections

Animal Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/58658194/4MQ9EWZe

Beekeeping Club at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/53531021/XtptFHYJ

Chess Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/54949198/APsSzhtv https://discord.gg/MS989wJ

Computer Science Club at Indiana University

Join us on Slack: https://csclubiu.slack.com/signup GroupMe: https://csclub.sice.indiana.edu/groupme

Corporate Strategy Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/61920167/3k7zVH0y

D&D Club

GroupMe! https://groupme.com/join_group/42711637/YvuemQ Discord! https://discord.gg/EAM9wzq

Drone Club

https://discord.com/invite/YXdH4cQ

[email protected]

https://gaming.indiana.edu/ https://discordapp.com/invite/iugaming

Global Soccer Supporters

https://groupme.com/join_group/61908401/q0f4VBna

Japanese Animation and Culture Club

https://discord.gg/4p5BaYu

Magic: the Gathering Club

https://discord.gg/K2GXGud

Passive Income Development Club

https://discord.gg/PUFdAgz

Politics Club

https://groupme.com/join_group/62121259/uhrIQz6q

Scholars Without Borders

https://groupme.com/join_group/62389887/2MLlj4sC

Students for Animal Behavior at IU

https://groupme.com/join_group/48616693/Et1QkqTW

Table Tennis Club at Indiana University

https://groupme.com/join_group/43617877/QtuJCY

Women in Accounting

https://groupme.com/join_group/47306889/EDV7Wj
If you would like to submit a public event, please DM a completed template to me:
Date: Event Title: Host Organization: Contact: Time: Location: // Description of Org: <2 sentences max> Event Description:
It is also advised that all organizations keep their BeInvolved pages updated, monitor the listed e-mail address, and add public events to the BeInvolved Calendar. In this era of physical distancing it is crucial that we take the time to make sure we don’t have to be socially distant.
submitted by IUActivities to KelleySchool [link] [comments]


2020.09.13 22:38 FEshippingBot this is my boba manifesto

Read here
by girlsonthetv
Every day after class, Edelgard gets an earl grey bubble tea latte from Leicester Fine Coffee and Tea, because it is a delicious, refreshing sweet treat. That's the only reason, surely.
Marianne gets excited whenever the girl with white hair comes in to get her earl grey bubble tea latte, because she tips well and is respectful. That's the only reason, surely.
Had a certain mutual friend of theirs not gotten involved, things likely would have stayed this way forever.
Words: 3368, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
submitted by FEshippingBot to FireEmblemShipping [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 18:51 Eggplant_168 [OC] World's End White and the Homecooked Meal

"A gift? For me?!" Nero Bride exclaimed, her face positively brimming with joy.
"Of course! It is Valentine's Day after all," I said, taking a small box off of the mostly empty cart I was pulling and handing it to the jubilant emperor. "What kind of a master would I be if I didn't show my love for my servants?"
"Umu! How thoughtful of you! This sort of compassion is expected from my Praetor." Bride said as she received the gift. "As much as I would have liked receiving this on White Day, the act of exchanging gifts immediately is beautiful on it's own!"
Opening the white box, she found inside a cupcake. The cupcake was pretty small, only about the width of your palm. Made out of both vanilla and chocolate cake mix, the vanilla frosting was spread in a way to make it flat on top. Spread across the sides were sprinkles made in the likeness of Saint Quartz. And on the top was the Chaldea logo, written with additional pink frosting.
"So, is it to your liking Your Majesty?"
"Like it?! I adore it~!" Bride beamed. "To think a cake as cute as this could fit in the palm of your hand! Baking has come quite far since my time. Umu, I shall take another for the fox!"
"Um, I’m sorry Your Majesty, but I already passed them out to everyone else. That's the last one."
"Eeh?!" the emperor exclaimed as she dramatically jumped back before quickly scanning the cart he was pulling. Sure enough, no other box of cupcakes was to be found in or on the cart. The grey, Chaldea-standard utility cart had two levels Ryan used to store the cupcakes, the bottom layer concealed by a small curtain. All that was left was a folding table rested on the bottom of the cart, a folding chair rested on top of it, and an item concealed under a metallic dome-shaped cover on the top of the cart.
"I see. How disappointing," she said with a sigh. "Well then, would you at least care to tell me what's under the metal cover? It seems quite suspicious how you would save that for last."
"Sorry, that's gonna have to stay a secret for now. Happy Valentines!" With that, Ryan took his cart and left the saber in white to her speculations. If he stalled any longer the surprise might not be as good as he planned it.
Let's hope the dragon girl won't find him in time.
___
Valentine's Day, the world's most famous celebration of love. Named after the famed Saint Valentine, its a worldwide celebration of love for family, friends, and lovers alike. Gifts ranging from confections to flowers are given out to others as an expression of appreciation. And those who have no lover to speak of celebrate it under the name "Singles Awareness Day (SAD)". But here at Chaldea, we had two days to prepare for a day of love and gratitude for each other during this Grand Order.
This year's Valentine's Day was quite...hectic to say the least. Teach and some of the other servants made a big fuss about how the holiday is "a corporate sham that should die off with the rest of those normies lololololol". Fergus tried getting it on with some of the female servants, with no success. At least Medb was there to give him a good night in the sheets...or two. After accidentally walking into the kitchen I found out that everyone was making a chocolate for me. As flattered as I felt about that, I had to explain to them it would probably be best if they focused on making chocolate for each other first. No living human could ingest such a large amount of chocolate and survive. And don't get me started on the Choco Servant incident!
But that was then, this is now.
My heart is beating, pumping, racing at the thought of what I will do next. I can't help shake the feeling I'm being watched. Maybe it's the nerves? Maybe the Stalker Trio had someone doing some careful espionage. Adjusting my grip on the cart I drove, I look behind, side-to-side, and all around me. Kiyohime is the last person I want knowing what's about to be done. Her jealousy knows no bounds, and if I'm not careful when I articulate the truth, she'll get mad. And no one should have to be near her should that happen.
The last person to receive their present sat right behind this door. And slowly, carefully, I open it.
"Master Ryan, what a nice surprise," spoke Altria Lancer Alter, her voice as ominous and serene as ever. "What brings you to my room?"
I'm speechless. The scenery changed so vastly my mind went blank. In front of me was a clear lake colored with blue, a crisp shade of blue I had never seen in my life. Laying near the water's edge was Altria herself, her armor gone in favor of her reverse-leotard. Her legs were curled up beside her, her arms propping her up as she looked at me. The grass beneath us both was a light beige, not that of dead grass but of late spring. I looked past the door behind him and saw a sea of trees so deep and clustered it obscured any image of what might be on the other side. That might be thanks to the room's simulator function but it still filled me with awe nonetheless. I looked above at the ceiling and saw the sky, golden and bright as the sun rose-
"Admiring the view, aren’t you?" she calls out, snapping me out of my trance. “I’ll allow it. I’ve found that this scenery is best suited in helping me think.”
"S-Sorry, but...this place is so-"
As I walked towards her I step on an old can of soda, littered on the floor some few days ago.
"-beautiful," I continue as the can's shape fizzled and tried to blend back in with the atmosphere. I could see Altria blush in embarrassment at this oversight. This was Altria Pendragon, the King of Storms; my first summoned servant, leader of the Wild Hunt, and the current record holder for biggest slob in existence. I couldn't really hold that last part against her though. In fact, I found that it added a little bit of realism to her otherwise dreamlike existence.
"W-What did you come here for anyway? And why are you lugging that cart around?"
"The same reason I've lugged it around all of Chaldea," I say with a smile as I push it over towards her. "I'm sure you know what day it is."
"Valentine's Day...no wonder Chaldea has been livelier than usual." Altria stood up from where she sat and sauntered over towards me. "I've seen children back in Camelot make sweets for each other in remembrance of that saint. I would never have guessed that that tradition would get so popular."
"Oh, so you've actually lived through it?" I say as I set down the table and chair.
"Yes, I have," Altria said as she leaned over and rested her arms on the cart, her bangs freely flowing in the illusionary wind. She let out a small sigh. "How trifling..."
I did a double take at her words. "Valentine's Day? How's that trifling? Do you have some beef with the holiday?"
"No, I do not care for it all that much," she said matter of factly. "Consuming proper amounts of sugar...well, I suppose it's good for the brain. But handing out chocolates one-sidedly...that activity is meaningless for a servant who's purpose is to bring forth conflict and destruction."
I pursed my lips. No. These servants, my servants, are much more than that. They may be created to be tools, but to me they are living breathing people who have a second chance at life. I thought she understood that.
"Altria," I began softly. "You know-"
"-that I'm more than just a tool," she finished for me. "Of course I know that. I have you to thank for pounding that into my head ever since you summoned me." She lets out one of her rare smiles. "So, what's under this metal cover? Some sort of desert for me? You should know by now-"
"-that if it’s not gourmet British cuisine or American junk food you wouldn’t so much as put it in your mouth,” I interrupted as I placed the tray with the cover on the newly set table. “Of course I know that. I have you to thank for pounding that into my head after EMIYA accidentally got your order wrong.”
“Hmph. Hilarious.” I gestured her to take a seat, which she obliged. "So, if its not Valentine's chocolate then what is it?"
I stood in front of her, both pride and fear clearly noticeable on my face. This gift took just the slightest bit more effort than the other cupcakes I made for everyone, and yet it's the one I dread the most. What will she think of it? Will she like what I have prepared? Will this dish bring out any bad memories? Will there be a touching moment that happens afterward in which our bond grows stronger, only for the main love rival to come in and ruin the atmosphere? All those thoughts, especially the last one, danced and twirled around in my head. Clearing his throat and putting on a proud smile, I spoke.
"Esteemed king and servant, Altria Pendragon," I said as I put my hand on the handle of the metal cover. "To Her Majesty who doesn't give a damn about days of love and gift giving. Consider this not a formality for this day of romance, but a gift to the one who chose to serve me, to guide me, and to accompany me on this Grand Order..."
"With that being said... Dig in!" and I open the lid.
Sitting on the tray was not just British cuisine, but a modern-day rendition of medieval food she could have eaten in the past. On the center plate was a large beef steak, perfectly seasoned with spices and cooked to an excellent medium-rare. Sitting beside it was a small bowl of steaming pottage, a thick stew which currently included turnips, cabbage, oats, barely, and some mushrooms. And to top it all off were two handfuls of barely bread, lacking in heat but still freshly baked. The utensils were set and a tall glass of cold, fresh water was served.
"Well?" I said after pouring her water and standing aside. Altria simply stared at her food, her eyes dull as if she were in a trance. Shit, did I not account for something? Maybe the steak really was a little undercooked. No, there's no way she could tell that without cutting into the meat. Besides, I only ever grilled my meat well-done. Something slightly undercooked in my eyes could very well be perfect for someone else. Of course in Altria's case she could gorge on just about any kind of meat, provided it was either during a rayshift or she just felt like stuffing her face. But...why was she not eating now?
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, Altria takes the fork and knife in her hands. She slowly cuts a bite out of the steak, barely visible steam emerging from the juicy, cooked flesh. She carefully looks over it as if judging every little wrinkle, every seam where pink met grey. After what felt like an hour, she took the bite in her mouth. She chewed it thoughtfully, throwing the taste back and forth in her mouth and finally swallowing it. Compared to all the times she would ravenously gorge through her usual meal of steak and mashed potatoes, this was...somehow more terrifying.
I hesitate, but quickly find the courage to speak. "Sooo... H-How does it taste...?"
"It tastes..." Her voice was as somber as the sight of a lone king sitting on a mountain of corpses. "...like home."
It tastes...like home. I play those words back in my head as I stare at the girl in front of me. Altria's face softened from her usual stern expression, as if she finally learned how to relax. Or maybe she's holding back tears. Her eyes were slightly wet like the dew on fresh grass, locked in nostalgia as she savored every bite of her meal. She was lost in her own mind, lost in the dreams of a different time. She swallows.
"...Who made this?" she looks up and asks. "Did you...do all of this?"
"Well, I..." I clear my throat and continue. "I can't exactly take all the credit. I made all of the food myself, but I had EMIYA and Artoria Saber's help in forming the actual recipe. I wanted to use bird at first but we couldn't spare much at the time, so I used beef as a substitute. It's a good thing I can grill better than EMIYA."
"I see... That's good..." she says, still absorbed in her steak. Snapping back to reality, she quickly looks up to faces me. "I-I apologize for behaving strangely. I was simply caught up in the meal you made. You've outdone yourself, my master."
"Aww, it's alright. As long as you enjoyed it, I don't care what you do. I'm just happy to serve." I turned and took my cart by its handle. "Well, I guess I should leave you to it. I'm not gonna say 'Happy Valentines', but I will say 'thanks for everything'." With that being said, I left Altria-
"Wait!" Altria called out. Surprised, I turned back towards her.
"If you must leave I won't stop you, but..." she blushes a bit as she averted her gaze. "I-It would be rather rude to leave you empty handed after giving me something so...thoughtful..." She pauses, fidgeting around trying to find the right words as if she were a little girl again. Her frustration having reached its boiling point, she groaned loudly as she stood up and slammed her hands on her table.
“Agh, to hell with it. Just take it!” As her armor dematerialized, she pulled something out from between her...breasts and shoved it into my hands. I look down and see a rectangular shape wrapped in black paper and fitted with a red bow. I look back up to see a blushing Altria motioning me to open it while also trying to hide her embarrassment. Not wanting to be rude and ask questions, I unwrap the paper.
I’m immediately greeted by the radiance of the chocolate before me, the confection filled with so much love and care I could taste it on the tip of my tongue. White chocolate spiraled upwards in the shape of her lance whilst wrapped in a fiery frame made of the same sweet material. The shaft was fitted with sprinkles from the base to the tip, ending with a small crescent on the top tied with a small blue ribbon.
“Wow, I...” I’m left speechless by what she made. “Just...wow...!”
“A chocolate that has taken the form of my cursed lance. I-It was lodged in my breasts before you came. I was considering throwing it away, but I believed...y-you would enjoy it...”
“To think...” My now teary eyes are still fixed on the chocolate lance. “...you made this for me...”
“No, no, no. That’s not it!” she said as she tried to gain some of her former composure.
“This must be one of the functions of the spear... So...”
“My heart has not once fluttered in the slightest regarding these vulgar customs of the world, and most certainly not for you.”
Her excuses go from one ear and out through the other. “She made this for me.” “She took the time to make something good for me.” Those were my only thoughts as she kept getting more and more-
“Are you even listening?! Don’t be consumed with such trivial holidays, Ryan!” She grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me hard, bringing me back down to Earth. “Just graciously accept the gift I have given unto you and leave me to finish yours! Do you understand?!”
"W-W-Wait, don’t you want to know how I think it tastes-"
"Do! You! Un! Der! Stand!" she shouts every syllable.
"Yes, Your Majesty!" I instinctively yelled out, my body automatically at attention like a soldier in an army. Damn Charisma E!
"Good. Now leave!" With her command, I took the cart, her gift, and hauled my ass out of her room, shutting the door behind me as I left.
I let out a huge sigh of relief. I suppose that went well. She seemed to enjoy my food well enough. At the very least she didn't spit it out. I carefully hide my chocolate to eat it later and check the cart’s condition.
"Welp, guess that means Valentine's Day is over. Well, almost," I tell myself as I make my way to return my cart to the cafeteria. "I still have a couple hours of free time. I ought to take care of Kiyohime before-"
"Aah~! So you have not forgotten, Anchin-sama~!"
HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID SHE ACTUALLY... Calm down, Ryan. Breathe for a moment. I take a couple of deep breathes, but my heart isn't quite steady yet. Ignoring the faint pounding, I take a closer look at my cart. It has two levels; a top shelf and a bottom shelf. There's also a curtain covering the contents inside. I suppose any further monologuing would be a waste.
Steeling myself, I gently open the curtain.
"Kiyohime, what the hell are you doing in there?" I say to the dragon girl currently nestled in the bottom shelf, her entire body screaming "Master has finally noticed me~!" or something along those lines.
"You've finally found me, my beloved husband!" she cheers as she jumps out and hugs my waist. Tightly. "I've been waiting sooo long! I loved the cupcake you gave me, but I was so sad that you ran away. So sad. That's why I've been following you around as you gave gifts to everyone else!"
"First of all, we're still not married," I said as I propped Kiyohime up onto her feet. "Second of all, as happy as I am to see you, how did you get under the cart?"
"Consider it my womanly intuition. That being said..." Kiyohime suddenly grew closer to me, her breath so hot it felt like the sun beating down on me. "...there's a little 'error' on your part I'd like for you to explain."
"I-I assume it's about the quality of the gifts I gave each of you?" She nodded so naturally it felt sickening. Alright, better choose my next words carefully. "Well as Altria was my first servant, I felt I needed to reward her for answering my summons first. That’s why her gift was more...extravagant than anyone else’s. However, my gift to you isn't exactly over."
This caught her off guard. Thankfully she wasn't showing any further risks of hostility. Just as planned. Unlike what most people believe, Kiyohime is probably one of the easiest Berserkers to deal with. As long as you tell the truth to her, she will have no problem with you. But if you play your cards right, you could even de-escalate potential conflict before it even happens. I told her the truth plain and simple, but I left in a little tidbit at the end to change the subject and keep her from asking too many questions. Is it emotional manipulation? Probably yes. But how can you be honest with someone if you can't even be honest with yourself? At the very least I'm not exploiting it too much.
This will be something I have to work on. For now, let's focus on the Kiyohime in front of me, currently red as a tomato.
“I-I-It’s not over?” she stuttered.
"Nope. I made some preparations with EMIYA so just for today, and today only, we can have dinner together. Just you and me."
She froze in place as she tried to process my request. The heart that she wore on her sleeve was now so apparent that that I could practically see her thought process. "Master asked me out on a date? Did he just ask me out on a date? The same master that constantly denied our marriage ever since I was summoned? Is he lying? He's not?! He's not~!" Or something along those lines.
"Yes..." Kiyohime whispered. She then cupped my cheeks in her hands and pulled our faces together, a wide smile shone clear as day. Her face was blessed with such a rosy hue I felt I could die, her eyes sparkling with passion and gratitude. "Yes, yes, yes! I accept! I would love to further deepen our love, my beloved Anchin-sama~! This date will finally be what I need to make you mine~!"
"Wait a second! This is just a dinner for two friends, not a da-" But his protests came too late, as Kiyohime was already dragging him and the cart he was holding at high speed. Whether she saw that was a lie or no mattered little to her n the moment. Right now, she finally had him.
And she would never let go.
[EPILOGUE]
I watch as Master Ryan fled the room, his cart pushed out with him and disappearing behind the door. That boy always knew how to push my buttons. So caring and thoughtful, yet so forceful you would think he was doing it for his sake more than your own. I always liked that about him, that little nuisance of mine. Letting out a sigh, I turn towards my food. His gift will turn cold if I do not hurry. I sit back down and stare at the meal before me. And I eat.
I could tell that my other self contributed to this dish. Even though this was a little bigger than what I remember and had just a bit more spices spread upon it, this tastes just like the steaks Kay used to make. Of all the knights in his order he always was the best at handling meat. He never did like being known for it though, always saying that he "hated being known as the meat boy." It always used to make me laugh hearing that and he would get mad at that too.
When he finally brought home some for me to try, I fell in love. I used to wine like a child, practically begging him to make some for me. Whether or not I would like it did not concern me. My curiosity kept eating away at me and would not rest. I had done everything I could, even challenging him to duel for it. Yet he would always win, or rather make me feel like I lost. "The sun was in my eyes and you used that to your advantage!" he would say. "I'm still alive so don't think you've won!" he would declare.
However...whenever the holidays came and he and I and Mum and Pa and even Merlin gathered together, he'd grab bunch of ingredients from the market and cook us all beef steak. Or peacock. Or any meat, and we all would love it anyway. We'd gather around the table, sharing tales of mundane oddities, dull patrols and which woman the incubus managed to anger this week. I can hear the sounds of joy, of laughter even now as I eat the still warm pottage. Those happy times were so short before my road to kingship, yet I enjoyed them all the same.
And then I took up that cursed lance.
Even as a human, my kingdom fell. Even as a human, I slew my only son. Even as a human, my brother died.
And here I sit, wrapped in this ice cold nostalgia in the forest that served as my deathbed. I am Altria Pendragon, the King of Storms. I am Altria Pendragon, the one-in-a-million King Arthur. I am Altria Pendragon, the hero hated by all.
Tears flowed endlessly down my stone-cold expression. I let them flow.
Jeez this was a long one. After more than a week I finally finished it. So, tell me what you think about this if you don’t mind. Was it good, bad, or does it need a little more work? Thanks!
submitted by Eggplant_168 to grandorder [link] [comments]


2020.08.11 02:14 callmeacucumber Was I in a relationship with a closeted gay man?

Never though I'd be thinking this but who does, right?
I (female, straight) met this guy on a dating app. He was my brother's friend. We had a lot of great dates together. Lots of chemistry. Decided to sleep together (we were each other's firsts). We were slightly long distance (1-2 hours apart). I found a mental health workbook he had that said he is attracted to men who has abs. When I asked him if he was gay, he said no. He also had performance issues, as in he could not get hard. He said the medications (SSRIs) he was taking caused sexual dysfunction. A month later, he tells me he was sexually abused (molested) and said that was the reason he could not have sex in his past relationships with girls.
I believed him, but things got bad fast. For example, I tried to communicate that I wanted to orgasm as well and he said I wasn't taking into account his past sexual abuse. I was confused, because I thought a man had abused him, so I didn't understand how that affected his ability to make me finish. But if it was a woman who had abused him, why was he attracted to men with abs? He also told me at this time that he would get hard from making eye contact with men when he was younger. Regardless, even after this conversation, he still never made me orgasm or even tried to. Sex was mechanical at best and I'd initiate most of the time.
There have been other instances where he could not perform because he couldn't get erect. He doesn't have many friends, but out of the 6/7, three of them are definitely gay. One of these gay men is closeted as well and has a girlfriend. My ex took his friends to a male only spa for their birthday (but didn't do anything for mine). He has a picture of his roommate's balls on his phone. He has definitely tried on women's underwear (not mine though). He would constantly talk about other guys' dick sizes. He didn't like to watch porn because he "wasn't like other guys." He punched a kid a long time ago for calling him a "faggot" and has admitted to me himself he used to be deeply homophobic. His brother is gay as well and their parents did not react well to him coming out. But my ex still brought up marriage multiple times...
The tip of the iceberg for me though is that I was naked on the bed and he decided to take a phone call about a non-emergent issue who happens to be gay (and my ex had seen this friend's dick by the way). He spoke on the phone for a while instead of pouncing on his naked girlfriend he hadn't seen in a while.
I'm not trying to undermine the fact that he was sexually abused in any way. I understand the seriousness of the topic. I'm convinced he was using me to feel more accepted in society by portraying himself as a straight male (public dates, a vacation, big celebration for Valentine's Day). So I'm looking for input from this community just to understand if my suspicions have any weight.
submitted by callmeacucumber to AskGayMen [link] [comments]


2020.08.02 13:22 LowkeyLoki44 First Date Wednesday

So i recently got a girlfriend and we have our first date this Wednesday. I'm super nervous because I asked her out once before on valentines day and she said she didn't know me well enough yet. We started talking and I told her how i felt last Friday. She said she would love to go on a date and at least see how we would do together. We're going to an a place that makes ice cream with liquid nitrogen. Any tips or tricks from making the day go smoothly?
submitted by LowkeyLoki44 to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.07.28 08:23 Mac-delarco (18M) I stopped talking to this girl unintentionally that I really like.

Long post
So I’ve know this girl for like 3 years now, since I first saw her I thought she was gorgeous, but one of my good friends liked her, because I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship I never said anything because of this me, my friends and her became really good friends and talked all the time, about 2 years after my friend starts disliking her and doesn’t talk to her for a while , a year after he gets a girlfriend and because of this, I develop feelings for the the girl.
In about august of last year I kinda starting talking to her more than I used to (side note: I rarely talk to her through text or phone, but we talked a lot in person alone).this goes on until November, where I befriend a group of girls from the grade above me and where willing to give me advice and tips to get with her, me and the girl keep talking and we kinda look at each other from time to time.We leave for Christmas break, and come back the first week of January.
the girls from the grade above me are pushing me to make a move( side note: I am super shy) and I keep procrastinating, in Thursday of that week, my final class is a class is a sort of study hall and me, a friend of mine, and one of the girls from the grade above me are talking and they help me set a plan for a date,it’s pretty stupid by at the end it worked, At the end of school, I was going to pretend like I have to tell her something but then delay it for tomorrow and the next day when she asks me what I was going to tell her I ask her out, I procrastinate I couple more, but finally agreed I do it. School ends and me and my friend are standing there, I see her but don’t say anything, at this point I’m pussying out but in my mind I’m telling my self I have to do it so I stand there and my ride is not here yet neither is her ride, so we stand there until everybody leaves and we start talking a little, suddenly my ride and her ride come basically together so we start walking in the direction, she starts walking in front of me and I say it’s now or never and tell her to wait up and tell her than I have to tell you something, but I has to be tomorrow, she is kinda weirded out and tells me okay, we both say good bye and we both leave.
Friday comes and she never mentions that I was going to tell her something that day ( she typically asks me during earlier periods what I was going to tell her but no this time) and I’m in my study hall talking to the girl from the upper class, she is telling me to do it and I ,like always , procrastinate, she tells me that it will work. I say fuck it and filled with courage I run to they exit looking for her, the exit is filling up with people and I don’t see her, I go to the very exit and stand there wait if I see her, she goes to her locker and I start pussying out, as I’m telling my self to do it I see 2 of the 3 girls from the upper class telling me to do it from a distance, as I look I see the girl pass by and leaves to her car. I stared at her as she was leaving without doing anything, the 2 girls look at me in disappointment, I start thinking that I lost my chance and It was all lost. Another one of my friends comes up to me and starts talking to me, I don’t even pay attention and was just thinking about how I fucked up, as I turn I see the girl walking back towards me, I couldn’t have sworn I was dreaming or something because shit like that doesn’t happen, luck was on my side, she comes to me and my friends and says if we have turned in our journal( our history teacher makes us write stories in our journal about how we would have lived in the time periods we talk about in class) and we both tell her we haven’t( thank god) and we start walking towards the school office( he tells us to drop it there and he’ll pick it up later) we start walking and she stops me and tells me that she hasn’t forgotten that I have to tell her something (what I did yesterday) we start walking and we get to the office, and we are waiting there and she notices that I had my braces removed, she comments on how I look much better and we both smile at each other, we turn in our journal and we start walking towards the exit, as we are walking, she asks me what I was going to tell her, I stop her and at this point it’s just me and her alone, I tell her”do you really want to know?” And she says “yes” and I’m kinda silent and I’m pussying out, but I tell her “I want to invite you” and she smiles and says “where?” And I say “to the movies”, she says “you know my mom wouldn’t let us” (side note: her mom is super strict and doesn’t let her go out with guys), I tell her “you can just tell her you are going out with your friend and I’ll meet you there”, she says “yes, but not this weekend because I’m grounded” I tell her “we’ll figure out a date but agreed, we both stand there and she says they are waiting for her and has to go, we both say goodbye and she leaves, I start freaking out mentally and I leave also, I am super happy that whole weekend.
Monday goes by and we talk a little and she makes references to going to the movies with me to her friend, but after that they we just stop talking (this always happens to me because I’m supper shy and after I make a move or do nothing I stop talking to them in fear of say something stupid and making them lose interest) we don’t talk til day, but we still look at each other, she looks at me and when I turn to her she looks alway.
Around February it came out that she and a guy from a grade above me are talking a lot and have feeling for each other this breaks my heart but I roll with it they day before Valentine’s Day I buy her a rose for delivery (every Valentine’s Day my school sells things to give to other people through a delivery system), Valentine’s Day comes around and out teacher is saying what each of us got and from whom we got it, I have to sit there looking at how many things she got from the guy in the upper grade and I only gave her a rose, she didn’t come up to me to say thank you, after school she sends me a text and thanks me for the rose, I tell her that you are welcome, since then I haven’t talked to her and she hasn’t talked to me, they say that the guy and her have feelings for each other but I think otherwise, some of my friends also agree but at the end of the day I really don’t know because she looks at me from time to time.
what should I do, I’ve been wanting to send her a text but have 0 clue of what to tell her, and with the quarantine, I don’t see her and I miss her, what should I do?
submitted by Mac-delarco to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 11:56 27JJuldacket Bike Riders Da-ting Si-te

Bike Riders Da-ting Si-te
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2020.07.21 22:04 Johto Stepping back into dating after a 5year relationship but not sure how to start

First time poster here so sorry if this is the wrong place or topic but basically what my title says.
I'm recently out of a 5 year relationship with who I'll call my Highschool sweetheart, she left me for my now ex best friend so needless to say I haven't had too much interaction with women in a dating sense outside of her. My confidence is kind of shot and maybe I'm going about this in an unhealthy way, but I do terribly miss being in a relationship and the things that come with that.
What kinds of tips or advice do any of you have on not only moving on from my situation, but basically relearning how to date and how to talk to people. I know some will just say "just talk to someone" but that's honestly very hard for me at the moment. I'm not sure if I should just wait longer as these events happened in February right after valentine's day, or if its healthier to try to push myself to at least start talking to people again. Thank you in advance for any advice and suggestions you guys have, and feel free to DM me if you relate and have personal stories to share on how you may have done it.
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2020.07.19 15:47 Downyfresh30 I'm at a loss and I am really considering leaving

So I (27m) have been dating my Gf (26f) for almost 3yrs now. The first year was amazing and we ended up moving in together. When we did her friends started to voice how I was a controlling douche canoe and how it was my fault she couldn't go out and party. None of that was the case in reality my Gf was tired of her GFS making all the plans every weekend. Eventually her friends got to the point that they where planning on trying to get my Gf back with her ex who was a mutual friend of the group. I found out and obviously got pissed and so did my Gf because that was out of line. My Gf started keeping her distance and the last time she and I saw the whole group was for her birthday last year where her GFS gave her a very cold shoulder and then gave a birthday cake to some guy who was hanging out with the group for the first time. My Gf got a shitty off brand ice cream from them and a bunch of glares. So she stopped by the day after this party and her friend (Izzy) who is the ring leader of the group said to her "you should leave your bf and play the market, get guys to buy you things and take you out and have sex with anyone you want." So she ended that friendship there but now since she doesn't have any friends and she isn't looking for the party animal crowd to be friends with because her old friends in that group where all party animals and one was even trying to get my Gf to go with her to a Porn audition in Miami last year. So since those people our relationship has been a struggle for the last year and a half. She works as a freelance interior designepainter and is starting her own business which is fucking awesome. She is an incredibly driven person who works no lie 15hr days sometimes and then babysits on top of it all 3times a week. I'm happy she is doing all of this stuff to achieve a goal. My frustration is that I almost seem to not matter anymore. She comes home and I see her for 30mins and she passes out (which I would to after 15hr days). During those 30mins we only talk about her and her work and things pertaining to it, but as soon as I start talking about things in my life her phone comes out and she ignores me or gives short responses. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells because she attacks me verbally and it's over stupid things like yesterday she miss placed her purse with her car key in it just before we had to go out to the mall well for the next 2hrs I searched for it while getting yelled at. The day before I was called a controlling father figure because I didn't want to go to a pool party because of covid and ended up being forced. Everything in this relationship has turned into her time and her time can only be dedicated to her interests. Last winter I rented snowboard stuff and got a lift ticket for her so she could try snowboarding with me, drove two hrs to the Mt only for her to not even make it to the lodge before saying "go find yourself a god damn snow bunny to go ride with you because I am to fat for this shit and I hate snowboarding because you probably talked shit to someone up here about me." So we left and I blew $189 that day for nothing. One month later she canceled my Valentines dinner at a Brazilian steakhouse that I had to pay for a reservation and book it a month out. Every time I try she canceled and then would turn around and make dinner plans later with old work friends or a childhood friend. It's just become very one sided since her old friends told her she needs to take charge or replace me with someone who is just going to go along with whatever she wants to do. Just recently I opened up to her that I am Bisexual and that didn't go well. Instead of being accepting she turned around and said you can be in an open relationship with me. In part she said that because we don't have sex anymore unless it's once a month. I don't want an open relationship and just because I am Bi doesn't mean I want to sleep around. She doesn't see any value in sex and doesn't need it to be in a relationship where as I do crave the intamcy. Long story short I am at the end of my rope and I am considering leaving and finding my own place in September. If anyone has any tips about anything I'm all ears. I'm not unhappy more numb with this relationship then anything.
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2020.07.19 13:15 CognitivelyPositive How To Actually Get Over A Breakup and Get Your Ex Back (Based on Science) [All 27 out of 27 parts summarized]

I know you are going through hell right now. You are sad, confused, angry, depressed, and sometimes numb. You go from sad to angry then to numb. Or you are just sad all the time or even just angry all the time. I am here to tell you that whatever emotions you are going through is normal. It is totally normal to feel these painful emotions and even be confused by them. You don't go from grief to anger, you switch around a lot. Your emotions are basically all over the place. Guilt, shame, disappointment, and hopelessness are quite common too. You might be also experiencing panic and anxiety attacks, heartache (literally), episodes of depression, headaches, stomach problems, loss of appetite, insomnia. You can't stop thinking about your Ex and what they have done to you.
To make matters worse, our friends and family aren't being the most helpful. At first, maybe they were supportive. And then later they just started being dismissive to our feelings by saying things like "Just move on already" or "There is a lot of fish in the sea". This causes us to feel like there is something wrong with us, that we should have moved on already. This notion makes us blame ourselves for feeling this pain. I am here to tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you for feeling this way. There is no RIGHT amount of time to take to "move on" and none of it is your fault.
Heartbreak is universal and has existed for more than thousands if not millions of years of our existence (Fisher, 2017). You can trace poems about broken hearts from the ancient Egyptian pyramids to ancient Inuit cave dwellings. Look at the top 100 songs on the billboards right now, the majority are songs about our broken hearts. Where there is love, there will be heartbreak. Your experience is excruciating, but fortunately not unique. Our species has survived and thrived after getting their hearts smashed into bits for thousands of years. So, YOU can too.
You don't feel like yourself. You don't think you will ever be happy again. Fortunately, you are going to be OKAY. It will take a while but you will get back to who you were before. I promise on our broken-hearted ancestors. I prepared this guide so this process is much easier. This guide also outlines the best way to get your ex back, if you want that. These tips are not in chronological order, you do not need to follow them one after another.
1) Acceptance
Maybe you realized before it happened or maybe the break up got you by surprise. Either way, it’s devastating. You hope this is some nightmare and you will get up and everything will get back to normal. But no, this is your reality right now. The relationship is over. It’s okay to be in shock and denial in the first few weeks but eventually, you will just have to accept it. It will be difficult to accept it, but you have to do it to get to the next healing stage. Accept what happened. Denial will only prolong your suffering.
2) Grieve your loss
Cry your heart out, doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl. Start your day with a good cry. It lifts a huge burden and you walk lighter throughout the day. Break up music, pictures of your ex, old texts are all good things to use to start bawling if you are having trouble crying. Angry? Punch a pillow, yell into the pillow! Do whatever it takes to get your anger out, as long as it's not harming anyone else. This grief will come in waves. Some days you might not feel it as much, but some days it hits you hard. That is normal. So cry! Process your emotions, don't hold it in. Holding it in will compound it and it will come out in different ways. There is no timeline for you to process grief. Don't let anybody tell you "In 6 months you will stop crying". Your healing process is YOUR healing process. Take however long. It might also hit you unexpectedly, a year into the healing journey when you think you are doing great then you hear a song you both liked and boom. You are hit with sadness. It does diminish over time so, be patient. The intensity and frequency of "grief attacks" and "anger attacks" lessen over time.
Sometimes we are disappointed not because they left but because they did not fulfill our expectations. Such as getting married to us, having our babies, etc. These dreams can be fulfilled by somebody else. You are not sad because they were the one, you are sad because you THOUGHT they were.
3) Understanding what is going on in your head right now
Humans are social animals. Our survival depended on our ability to forge relationships with others (Buss, 2019). Hence, our brain evolved to instill mechanisms that would help us keep these relationships. So when a prehistoric bear tried to kidnap your mate, you would enter fight or flight mode which would make you jump into action and do everything to save them. As you heard the cries of your mate, your cortisol would shoot through the roof, adrenaline and norepinephrine would pump into your body which helps you to run faster, fight harder and feel less pain. These chemicals motivate you to take massive action. You might scream at the bear while chucking rocks at his head or run back to the village super fast and call for backup. Were they always successful in warding the bear off? Nope, but they were successful enough to pass this evolutionary advantageous trait to us since our ancestors who did not possess this trait died off. Therefore it would make sense if you have an eerily similar reaction if some random guy in a trench coat tried to kidnap your little brother. Unfortunately, for people going through a breakup, this mechanism gets triggered since a relationship is potentially ending and our brain is freaking the fuck out. This mechanism might make us call them a 100 times, scream at them, make big romantic gestures, hold on to their leg while they are trying to walk away (metaphorically or even LITERALLY). We try reasoning with them, we try everything to get them back to calm our head but it doesn't work. (Will get into why it doesn't work later on). Even if it does work, it does not last long. This fight or flight response persists because we failed to keep our relationship. Our body is riddled with agonizing anxiety all day because those stress chemicals I mentioned earlier are still doing their magic on your system. This may persist, days or even months. This phase won't last forever. You just need to make sure to not do anything stupid, you know like CALLING THEM A 100 TIMES but even if did do something stupid. Don't be too hard on yourself.
4) Be patient
I know hurts. It's horrible. It is going to be like this for a bit but you will get better eventually. People don't take 2 weeks to 'Get over it'. Be patient, trust the process.
5) Cut off all contact, go No contact (For your own healing)
Don't text them, don't call them, don't snap them, don't like their photos, don't do anything to contact them, don't even try to send a pigeon. If they message or call you, let them know straight up that if they want to try the relationship again they can call or text you. Otherwise, tell them not to contact you under any circumstances. No need to be mean, do it politely. "If you ever want to give another try with our relationship, only then contact me. Otherwise refrain from contacting me. I want some space, thank you." Why are we being so cruel?
Love activates all your happy chemicals. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin (Zeki, 2007). When the person dumps you, they cut you off all these happy chemicals causing massive withdrawal symptoms. Interestingly people going through a drug withdrawal show the exact same symptoms (Fisher, 2017). Why? Because love is the ultimate drug and you are addicted.
Your brain is addicted to your ex. To cure this addiction you have to go cold turkey. Will it be dreadful? YES. Is it necessary? Yes. You might think keeping in contact as friends will cushion the blow. In the long term, it will be more painful to be their friend because you will see them moving on without you. Talking to them is like re-opening a wound over and over again.
This is actually the hardest part since you are literally fighting against your basic human instinct I talked about earlier that prevents the loss of a loved one. Your brain is screaming at you "WE NEED TO GET THEM BACK! CALL THEM, TEXT THEM etc". Once we fear we are losing a loved one our brain will try to do everything to get them back. If a bear was running off with them, then it would have helped but in this case, reaching out to them will further push them back. They want some space from you right now.
This includes stalking them on social media, don't do it. It complicates your healing since you are reopening a wound over and over again. Easier said than done though. If you really struggle with this, maybe try to ween off it slowly. Let yourself see their fb twice a week at first, then twice in two weeks etc. Slowly ween off doing it at all. I suggest unfollowing them at least.
Coincidentally, No Contact is the same move to make if you want to win them back. It is a double-edged sword. Whether you want them back or heal your heart OR BOTH. Your best move is to go No Contact.
6) Using No Contact to get them back
You might be wondering that if you do no contact, they might actually forget about you and move on. WRONG! How many times do you think about water a day? Not a lot. Lets just imagine that your house runs out of water, the whole city runs out of water. All you can think about now is water. You are thirsty, you want to take a shower, you want to cook....the lack of water has forced you to think of it. Its the scarcity effect, we long for things that are scarce more than we long for things that are plenty (Cialdini, 2014). Hence, no contact makes your ex think about you way more than they would have if you kept badgering them. You need to be completely out of the picture for them to miss you. They must feel your void.
You might feel that begging them to come back would work, it won't. They have already made the decision to leave you and prepared for you to react like this. You think you can reason with them to take you back. You can't. Because right now they aren't emotionally neutral enough to hear any logical arguments.
Why can't you convince them? Its because they have made a decision already. Humans want to stay consistent with their decisions due to the consistency principle (Cialdini, 2014). The decision to break up is not made logically, its made emotionally, hence using logic to reason with them is useless.
Hence, you can't change their mind right now. The only person that can change their minds is themselves. You help them do that by going No Contact.
Show yourself that you respect yourself enough to NOT chase after someone who left you. Neediness is unattractive, show your ex that you don't need them. Here are more reasons to not chase them.
- When they broke up with you, they expected you to still be in the sidelines as a friend or something. So they don't have to fear losing you. Well, don't give them what they expect, leave the situation. Vanish out of her life completely. So they start actually fearing that they might lose you. Fear of loss is a great motivation for action in humans since we are loss averse (Kahneman, 2011). This will make it more likely they will want to get back with you.
- You not being in their loop anymore, causes them to get curious about you. After curiosity comes attraction. When their attraction towards you has reached a level, they will contact you.
- They actually start respecting you since they assumed you were going to beg and plead. Respect is essential for attraction.
- Over time, they will forget all the negative things about you and the situation that made them break up with you. Negative memories lose their intensity faster than positive ones. As more time passes, you will look better due to the faded affect bias (Gibbons, 2011)
7) How to actually do "No contact"
When my ex broke up with me I could not believe what was happening. This was the closest thing to hell I have ever experienced. I have been hit hard by life many times. But this punch, it nearly killed me. Nothing could ever prepare me for this. It was absolute agony. I would go to sleep and start dreaming about being together with her. I would wake up and realize the reality of the situation and start bawling like a mad man (thats a positive though, you should cry it out). All my dreams I had with her were all shattered. I didn't know what to do. The life I planned with her is nothing but a sad memory now. I started researching and went down the rabbit hole of "Win your ex back". I found out about the no contact policy and started doing it.
The first seven days were brutal. The only thing I told myself was "Just survive the first 7 days". Every inch of my body wanted to reach out to her. To beg her to come back. I knew it wouldn't work. So through sheer will and determination, I didn't reach out to her. As I explained before, my brain was in fight or flight. I was also suffering from withdrawal symptoms of love. I just told myself, "Survive 7 days". That is all I did. I survived 7 days at a time. Maybe you can only survive 1 day at a time. Do that! Tell yourself that "Okay okay, I will contact them in a month". Then when a month rolls by "Okay, next month I will contact her". Then when the next month rolls by tell yourself "Okay, I will contact her in the next 3 months". The trick is to lie to yourself that you will contact them eventually but you never will. (That includes not contacting them on birthdays, holidays, valentine's day, death of a loved one etc). People that join the '12 steps program', are not told to NEVER drink again. That is putting the goal post way out of your reach. The addicts are instructed to NOT drink one day at a time, then a week, then a month, then a year, and then finally for a lifetime.
Another trick I used was to believe that if I did contact them. I would push them farther back and lose them forever. Which is true, breaking no contact will lower your chances of getting them back.
Another trick I used was the progress meter. For every month I took a piece of A4 size paper and drew 30 squares (Each square represents a day). I hung it on my bedroom wall. After each day was over I would put a tick mark on one of the 30 boxes. The tick mark is meant to signify that I have finished another day while following no contact. Once you complete 7 days, it looks really nice, like you have completed a streak. Keeping your streak can be a huge motivator for not breaking no contact (Clear, 2018). It gives you a sense of accomplishment and keeps you on track, you will think twice before breaking your streak. After you tick marked all 30 days, take yourself out for a date, and treat yourself. Then hang up another A4 size paper and keep repeating the process. One day you will tell yourself, "I really don't care anymore to tick mark a box for not contacting my ex", that's the day you can stop. You will stop when you become completely indifferent. The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference.
This will no doubt be the hardest thing you have ever done. You are fighting against your basic human instincts (to connect and reunite) that has been instilled into us since the beginning of time.. You are fighting the neurological mechanism that was set in place to KEEP your loved ones. Hence, the difficulty.
Bonus trick to keep doing no contact (Might not be the healthiest way, but it works). Use only if you are really struggling with no contact. You need to get into the devil mindset.
Realize they have stabbed you through the heart. You are in pain because of them. Time for you to strike back. The best way for them to feel the pain and consequences of losing you is to keep NOT contacting them. Put them in a state of doubt about their decision by not reaching out to them. Let them feel the pain. Remember, if you break no contact. You will stop their pain but we don't want that, do we? In the first few months, they will be fine but slowly they will start feeling the hurt. Is this mindset petty? Yes. But it is way better than contacting them and ruining the chances of healing and/or getting them back. Your last words before starting no-contact should be kind, not anything mean. If you insult or demean them, you will come off as immature and petty. Making them less doubtful about their decision.
For true healing, your no-contact needs to come from a healthier place. After a period, abandon this "devil mindset", see your ex with compassionate curiosity and forgive them. The last thing they wanted to do was to hurt you but there was no other way.
8) Why you should reject their offer of friendship
Sometimes the dumper doesn't want to be so cruel so they try to be your friend. To reduce their guilt and reduce their pain of losing you. Don't give them that. Let them feel the pain of losing you. If you want them back or if you want to move on, the best way is to let them go. They need to miss you, to want you again. The dumper has all the power in this breakup, since they are rejecting you. Take back a little of that power by rejecting their offer of friendship. Do you really want to see them dating new people and asking for your advice? You might think that if you are around her she won't move on and she will realize what an amazing person you are and get back with you. WRONG! What ends up happening is they start categorizing you as a friend rather than a romantic interest. Let's avoid that. You need to let them know that if they want to get back into your life. They can only get back as a romantic interest. Nothing less, nothing more.
9) Stop trying to find the "Real" reason for the breakup
You are going through every conversation you had with her. You are analyzing her texts, you are asking your friends "Could she have left because I didn't share my custard with her on our 12th date ?" You feel like you are Sherlock Holmes, figuring out clues that will lead you to the "real" reason. In reality, they don't even know why they broke up with you. They have an idea of why, but the reason is more emotional than logical so they can't give you a really good reason. I get it, you want closure. The only person that can give you closure is you! Think, think hard why they left you. Write it down on a piece of paper and just learn to accept it. General incompatibility? Poor communication? Lack of time spent? Circumstance? Mental health issues? What do YOU think the reason was? What does your heart tell you? Mystery solved. Remember, if you do reach out to them and try to get closure, no matter what they tell you. It will never be enough.
10) Don't blame yourself
We tend to blame ourselves and our imperfections for the breakup. This person didn't just reject you, they rejected you after knowing you inside out. That is why it hurts so much. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you! Yes, you aren't perfect. You have your flaws. You deserve someone that stays with you regardless of your flaws, not someone who refuses to work on them with you. Sometimes people break up because of the circumstances. It has nothing to do with you. It might just be a bad time and place. All that being said, you deserve someone that makes every excuse to be with you. Not someone who makes every excuse to NOT be with you. Life is hard and complicated, relationships aren't ideal all the time. It's easy to stay in a relationship during the good times, but hard to stay in it in the bad times. The bad times are the times that show you if the other person is worth it or not.
11) Don't idealize your Ex and put them on a pedestal
Drug addicts in withdrawal often highlight only the positives of the drug they were addicted to (Winch, 2018). They conveniently forget how that drug turned their life upside down. People who got dumped do that too. I am not saying your ex turned your life upside down but they weren't perfect. Write down their flaws and things that annoyed you on a piece of paper. Write down what may have attracted you to them but later made you feel like shit. For example, you might have liked the fact they were dominant, but later on it just felt like they were very controlling. When you think about her again, focus on her flaws.
Them dumping you might intensify your feelings towards them. This feeling is not based entirely on love, it's based on adversity. Scientists made a monkey expect treats at a certain time. When they stopped giving them the treat to study its effect on dopamine in their brain. The monkeys thrashed around in fury. Nothing odd about that, but the odd thing was the monkey's brain produced more dopamine when the monkey did NOT get the treat. This extra dopamine meant that the monkey's want for the treat increased when he did not get his treat that he expected. This is called Frustration Attraction (Fisher). We long for things way more when we expect it but don't get it. You expected your ex to be in your life, them not being there anymore made you want them even more. Your love did not increase. This is frustration attraction in play. Don't confuse this with genuine attraction.
12) Don't change your life to avoid pain
Don't avoid the restaurants you used to go to. Don't avoid the activities you used to do together. Yes, when you go to the restaurant you used to go to together might be painful at first. But after a few times, you bring your friends there or even a new date there. Your brain starts creating new memories with that restaurant and the new memories override the old memories and you feel much better. Sure, it was where you and your ex used to have tea but now its where you and your friends spill the tea. You guys used to do yoga together? Try doing it alone or with someone else. Obviously don't resume activities just after the breakup but eventually get to that point.
13) Get rid of the reminders of them
Your ex already occupies your mind a lot. let's not let them haunt you physically too. If they have given you gifts, love letters, old pictures of them etc. We need to remove them. Yes, for the time being at least. Keep them in a box and shove it down a room or place you don't go to. *However these old mementos are very useful to induce crying. I used my ex's love letter to cry my heart out, I read it over and over. Then one day it wasn't really helping me cry, so I decided to get rid of it. Yes, I burned it. It felt pretty awesome and cathartic. So do get rid of these old mementos eventually, no rush. Holding onto vivid reminders of them does not let your wound heal properly. Getting rid of them signals your brain to let go. Its a short term sacrifice for a long term gain. A lot of people report an immediate boost in mood after they purged the physical reminders (Winch, 2018). This also includes their photos on your phone. YES, even the nudes. Let it go.
14) Be compassionate to yourself
Develop a non-judgmental inner voice that is actually kind to you. Instead of beating yourself up with insults, talk to yourself kinder. If you have a thought like "I can't even open a ketchup bottle easily, I am such a dumbass...no wonder she left me", counter this thought with "I am only human and these ketchup bottles are really complex these days, I am not a dumbass.". Respond to the mistakes you make with compassion. Write down all the bad things you say to yourself in a day and look at it. Think about it. Would you ever tell a good friend these things? No. Then don't tell them to yourself.
15) Fill the void with Self Improvement
Now you feel like there is a huge void in your life. Your ex might have been a big part of your life. Fill that void up by adopting a new hobby, learning a new skill, or any passion of yours you wanted to always try but didn't have the time to. Don't fret if you don't have a hobby or a new skill to learn. The journey to finding these things is an awesome adventure on its own. It took me a long while to realize that I really love human psychology and self-improvement books. Read! READ! Increase your knowledge and unlock your full potential. Commit yourself to become a better person. So you don't make the same mistakes you did in your last relationship. Life is about growth but that can't happen without failure. A child doesn't learn how to walk without falling a hundred times first. I will have a recommended book list at the end of the article.
16) Don't "Get busy" to avoid thinking about them
All you are doing is delaying your pain by distracting yourself from thinking about them. Let the thoughts about them come. If you can't cry. Close your eyes and focus on the pain. Be with the body, don't judge the pain. Just notice it. Keep noticing it, till it goes away. That is how you process your pain to go through you and not get buried.
17) Battle the obsession of your ex with mindful meditation
Every waking moment of your day is filled by ruminating about your ex. You will think about them 24/7 for a while. No need to panic. It's totally normal. One thing that can help you do this less is mindful meditation. Mindful meditation is linked to a million other benefits for your physical and mental health, so it's a no brainer (Cho, 2016). You also need to understand that it takes a while for you to get the hang of it. Try using the headspace app's trial feature to learn how to do it.
18) Talk to a professional (therapist)
A break up is a tumultuous time for anyone. Hence seeking professional help isn't the worst idea. When someone breaks up with us, we don't just grieve for our ex. We start grieving for every attachment trauma we ever endured in our lives. Grief is like picking up a paper clip that is connected to other paper clips. You can't grief for your ex alone, you will unconsciously end up grieving about all your attachment trauma. A good therapist can help you through that process.
19) Rely on all your social support systems
Feeling sad? Reach out to friends and family to vent. Sometimes just straight up tell them that you just want to vent and don't want their advice. Your loved ones are here for you to utilize them. But do give them breaks from venting here and there. They are human and they sometimes can get tired of your break up story.
20) Rebuild your identity
When we are in a relationship we tend to merge our identities with our other half. That is why we feel so lost when they leave us. We are so used to having them as our "better" half's that we forget who we were when we never met them in the first place. Maybe you gave up a hobby or activity when you were dating them to have more time with them. Now is the best time to reclaim that part of yourself that you lost when you guys were dating. It is also the best time to figure out who you are and what you truly want. If you always wanted to travel and live in some country for a few months but you couldn't because you were in a committed relationship, now is the perfect opportunity to do so. You aren't tethered by anyone, fly free.
21) Get some physical exercise
Well, the first few months of the breakup I guess its okay if you don't work out at all since you might be too depressed to get out of bed or have any motivation to do anything (I couldn't get up for two months, some other people were fine after a week. So heal in your own time, again there is no timeline to grieve). But eventually, I want you to start exercising regularly to pump your brain with all those feel-good chemicals. 15 to 30 min a day is a good start, hell even just 5 min is great. You can try yoga too if working out isn't your thing. Becoming a bit sexier in the process is a pretty good bonus too.
22) Write letters to them but don't actually send it to them
Write however many letters you want. Write whatever you want to write. Whatever you ever wanted to say to them. Go ahead and say it in the letter. Pour your heart out, leave nothing unsaid. I personally used tape recorders rather than letters. I got too lazy and used the voice recorder on my phone to have a "pretend" one-sided conversation. It felt really good afterward. It cleared my head and gave me a bit of closure. But eventually, burn these letters and delete these recordings by also "Thanking them and forgiving them" in your own words. Every time you burn a letter, thank them and forgive them. You don't need to hold this grudge your whole life, it's not good for you. Forgiving is not for them, its for your own healing. No matter what they did, you have to be able to forgive them eventually. In your own time! There is no time limit. Remember to forgive yourself too for the mistakes you might have made, you are only human after all.
23) Start Journaling
At the end of everyday write or (record your feelings). It helps you process your feelings better. Write about how you feel. Are you feeling sad? Angry? Confused? Putting them down on paper takes a bit of the emotional intensity off you. The first few months you should journal every day but as time goes on, decrease your frequency. After a 3 or 6 month period read your early journal entries and compare them to your most recent journal entries and you will notice how much better you are doing, which will give you a much-needed boost to healing.
24) Start a gratitude journal
Yes, I bet you heard that a million times already. It does increase your happiness quotient (Connor, 2010). Make a habit of listing three things you are grateful for before you go to sleep. When you say these things actually feel it and let the joy of that thing warm you up. It could be as little thing as the dinner you had that day or it could be something really special such as being grateful for your parents.
25) Set ambitious new goals for your life
Is there something you always wanted to do or be? Set your horizons on it and start chasing your new hopes and dreams.
26) Start Dating again
You would eventually want to start dating again. Have fun with your single life. Have some exciting romantic encounters with some girl on vacation. Flirt with that handsome guy at the bar. Have fun, enjoy yourself. Take it slow and be wary of any early red flags. Trust your gut. Maybe you knew your ex was an alcoholic but still went out with him. Don't make the same mistakes you made last time. But if you want to stay single for a while, that is okay too. Do you, there is no right or wrong here. Think of dating as a source of possible romantic interests, it keeps the pressure off you.
27) Antidote to Suffering
In my lowest moments after the breakup. I had symptoms of clinical depression. I couldn't get out of bed. All I would do is sleep. Some days I would lie in my bed awake riddled with agonizing anxiety. To make things worse my obsessive-compulsive disorder was acting up too. I simply did not have the energy to manage it anymore as I used to. I gave up my will to live a couple of times. I stopped eating and drinking. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to die but I didn't have the energy to commit suicide so I thought it be best to die starving in my bed. Waking up was a pain, going through my days were a pain. One morning a thought occurred to me that gave me the will to live again "I have to save others from this pain and suffering, I can't do that if I am dead. I am going to become the world's greatest therapist and help people with OCD and breakups, I have to live!" From that moment on, I started getting up and eating and drinking water more regularly and then going back to bed to sleep all day. Slowly but surely, I would sleep less on the day and get more things done. I didn't get this thought because I am some Mother Theresa or anything. It was for selfish reasons. I needed a reason to live. I needed meaning for my suffering to survive and withstand it.
The antidote to suffering is finding meaning in it. This is not my wisdom. Its what I learned reading Viktor Frankl's Man's search for meaning. "A man who has a why can endure any how", this famous quote of Nietzsche gives more support to this idea. The meaning of your life must be more specific though. You have to have a meaning and purpose that nobody else other than you can fulfill. You can't just say "I want to help people", sure that is noble but it's not specific enough. You want to help people? But how? There are millions of ways to help people, what's the way you would like to help them? Which way would let you help them the best? My purpose and meaning are helping people with a very specific kind of OCD. Its called Purely obsessional OCD, this ocd has no physical compulsions, only mental ones. A lot of therapists and psychiatrists don't know how to address it properly. I want to change that. I also want to help people going through breakups. Especially dumpees who are anxiously attached. Breakups are extra hard on these types of people. To achieve this goal I am happy to suffer. I will keep on going regardless of how bad and hard it gets.
Find the meaning of your suffering. Do you want to create amazing art that will make people think deeply? Do you want to direct a documentary exposing a problem? Do you just want to make old people at the nursery home smile more? It can be whatever you want it to. Ask yourself, if you would gladly suffer for this purpose? If the answer is 'No', don't pursue that. The agony you are experiencing currently will be more bearable after you start taking steps to find and pursue your meaning.
However, you might be in the team who thinks everything is inherently meaningless. Nothing really matters. There is no meaning in life. There is no meaning in our suffering. All the pain and agony our ancestors went through to build the foundation of this world is meaningless. All the people that suffered without surrendering their morals in the holocaust were wasting their time. All the people that refused to turn in their friends in the face of brutal torture in the gulags made a stupid choice.
All the people that died for a better world wasted their lives because it doesn't mean anything. How about all the people that sacrificed their happiness for the good of humanity? Were their lives meaningless? The only reason we still exist is because of the sacrifices that were made by our ancestors through blood, sweat, and a lot of tears. We are only standing because we are standing on their corpses. Billions of billions of corpses. Is it all meaningless? Are their lives and deaths meaningless? NO! They weren't. It is us, the living that must give their suffering meaning! After we are dead, our future generations will look back to us for their meaning. Therefore I think it is our responsibility to pursue meaning to respect our ancestor's sacrifice. If we don't, it will deem all their suffering meaningless!
A prisoner in Auschwitz was told to get into the gas chamber. At that time it was just a rumor that people died in the showers. Most of the victims didn't know or didn't want to believe that it was true. But somehow this man knew what fate awaited him. He smuggled a piece of paper and wrote "Shema Yisrael" (it's traditional for Jewish people to say this as last words) and stuffed it in his shirt, then he undressed. He walked into the chamber upright and with dignity and before the gas was released his last words were also probably "Shema Yisrael". In this context Shema means "listen", Yisrael means "people (or congregation of Israel)". Its a prayer in Judaism. It's traditional for Jewish people to say this as their last words. But why did this man have to write it in a piece of paper? Couldn't he just have said "Shema Yisrael" before he died? Why did he need to go through all the trouble to smuggle a piece of paper and use his own blood to write this?
He was trying to send a message to humanity as a whole. He was trying to talk to the people that survived. He was trying to talk to us. He was trying to say "Listen people, do you see me? I have been through a lot here. But it didn't ruin my faith in god. Don't lose faith. Don't lose hope. Suffer with dignity." This is how I interpreted it to fit my own narrative. You can do the same. Every time I reach a very low spot mental health-wise and I don't think I can take it anymore. I say to myself, "Shema Yisrael" and remember this man and his message. After I say these words I immediately feel better. It doesn't lower my pain, it increases my ability to withstand it. He found meaning in his death by sending this message to us. I took his message and used it to handle my pain. I am writing this article because of my own pain, if this article helps you. You give meaning to all the pain I been through. Thank you for giving my pain meaning. I hope this breakup teaches you things that you can pass on to someone else so they give meaning to your suffering.
Loved this post? Give my podcast a listen. I go into more depth, share more advice and interesting personal stories. (Its FREE!)
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7zJEZ8VG2Bdz2gDfRY7x61
Anchor: https://anchor.fm/harry-house3/episodes/Brokenheartclub-Episode-1-How-to-recover-from-your-breakup-Everything-you-need-to-know-e5bglu
Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/broken-heart-club-podcast/id1479810240
Youtube: https://youtu.be/BAm58NkS1Ck
Inspiration for this paragraph
- Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
- The Gulag of Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
- The Story Of Civilization by Will and Ariel Durant
- Attack on Titans season 3 episode 16 "Erwin's Speech"
*I will also make individual posts about all the points I made here in the coming weeks.
Book Recommendations:
- How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
- 12 Rules for life by Jordan Peterson
- Subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson
Sources:
Buss, D. M. (2019). Evolutionary psychology: the new science of the mind. New York: Routledge.Cho, J. (2016, July 14).
6 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Mindfulness And Meditation. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeenacho/2016/07/14/10-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-mindfulness-and-meditation/#664308da63ce
Cialdini, R. B. (2014). Influence: science and practice. Harlow, Essex: Pearson.
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: tiny changes. New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
OConnor, R. (2010). Happy at last. New York: St. Martins Griffin.
Winch, G. (2018). How to Fix a Broken Heart. Simon & Schuster.
Zeki, S.(2007), The neurobiology of love, FEBS Letters, 581, doi: 10.1016/j.febslet.2007.03.094
Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Gibbons, J. A., Lee, S. A. and Walker, W. R. (2011), The fading affect bias begins within 12 hours and persists for 3 months. Appl. Cognit. Psychol., 25: 663-672. doi:10.1002/acp.1738
Fisher, H. E. (2017). Anatomy of love.New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
submitted by CognitivelyPositive to u/CognitivelyPositive [link] [comments]


2020.07.17 19:15 throw11742 Just trying to vent, just thought I'd share some of the things I've been experiencing and see if others have experienced anything similar.


-when she's mad she calls me a whore, bitch, loser, cunt, coward, prostitute
-shouts at me and degrades me in arguments even when i start crying
-physical violence like grabbing my genitals and squeezing it as hard as she can to force me off her bed
-says when i start crying im a little baby and im victimizing myself
-gets mad at me for trying to be "the principle" in arguments and trying to focus on the argument and positive outcomes
-calls me sweetie, sweetie pie when shes' mad
-says she wants to fucking slit my throat, she fucking hates me, im the fucking worst boyfriend in the world
-mocks me when she repeats what i say in an argument (little kids voice)
-uses my insecurities (secrets I've shared with her that ive shared with nobody else) against me in an argument to hurt me
-says she fucking disgusted by me, doesn't want too touch me in arguments
-tells me to fuck off, fuck you
-tells me my family is going to die, im' going to die for hypothetically going against my word
-tells me my family is fake
-doesn't trust me at all in anyway
-says she's uncomfortable around my family bc we're too proper
-holds my race and "white" privilege against me
-thinks ive never accomplished anything for myself, attributes it to my parents, my well-offness being raised and my privilege
-thinks the same ^ for my friends
-calls me a racist
-incapable of accepting criticism without being hurt (even at gym for example giving her a tip)
-gets insecure when i dont look at her enough in the gym
-begins arguments/conversations to trap me in a "gotcha"
-says I don't make out with her enough or show her im attracted to her enough
-gets mad at me when i look at other girls in public, says i need to keep my head down
-says she is bothered in public every time she sees me looking at another girl
-forced me into a lose lose situation by asking me if "she was the most beautiful girl in the world", or "if she was the most beautiful person i've hooked up with" - I tried all approaches here, non satisfied her
-says im too blunt, too logical, not empathetic enough and its a red flag for her
-doesn't care about my friends or making meaningful connections with my friends
-tells me im fake, I act fake
-tells me she hates that i was in a fraternity, tells me i was lonely and insecure in college
-hates "bro time" or "bros talking" or "Locker room talk" adn wants me to remove myself from my friend chat group
-wants me to block instagram models on instagram that my friends send in a group chat so i "Dont look at them"
-holds it against me that I had a "type" of girl I was attracted to, forced it out of me and is insecure that she is not 100% that type
-wrote hateful things on an instagram models instagram photos she was insecure about that i used to follow before she forced me to block her
-wrote hateful things and did anything she could to make life hell for girl i hooked up with before dating her
-forced me to turn notifications on instagram and turn on activity alert so she can know when im active or im being messages
-makes me question my own sanity regularly by saying" no girlfriend in the world is like that, or would tolerate that" in arguments
-tells me my stories are boring and shes' not intersted in them
-says i have a plain, boring personality
-holds my past against me (number of people ive slept with) - says it disgusts her it turns her off
-tracks my location on imessage (which i voluntarily shared with her for safety reasons)
-has fake instagram accounts where she follows my behavior
-says im not allowed to hang out with other girls whoo are my friends
-has instagram stalking apps that she uses to stalk my behavior
-forced me to remove all girls ive hooked up with on all social media including some girls who i haven't, but just make her insecure (yet doesn't hold herself to that standard)
-forced me to make my instagram private
-gets mad and triggered when i want to have "alone time" or want to go home to my apartment for a night
-gets bothered how much i use my computer and the internet instead of spending time with her
-is resentful of my hobby of surfing and says i only am excited about that not her. gets bothered when i dont invite her to come, but when i do is bothered when im surfing and not spending time with her on beach...
-says im too obsessed with my work even though i work fewer than 9 to 5 hours a day
-forces me to block instagram models on instagram that make her insecure
-forces me to agree to telling her whenever any girl DMs me on isntgram or messages me on any social media
-screenshotted and shared an argument we had over text on her snapchat story that shows me in a bad light, as a tactic in an argument
-has a list of all the people she knows + thinks i've hooked up with on her phone
-regularly brings up my past and probes me for more information about the people ive hooked up with (how many times, did you have feelings for her etc...)
-has gone through my phone multiple times and gone through all my photos and private messages with my friends (going back a long time)
-has gone through my computer multiple times even when I've known she does this and i give her the trust to allow her to use my computer again
-doesn't allow me to hang out with girls who are my friends
-has an online dating profile she secretly keeps from me and responds to messages from other guys when we get into arguments (keeps this a secret from me I was able to find out, she doesn't know this)
-doesn't allow me to hang out with friends without her without telling her all the details where im going, who is there etc...and giving updates while im there
-if I dont' give enough text updates through the time she gets extremely worried and gets mad
-is unable to see a differing point of view politically and gets so worked up about it wants to kick me out of apartment
-resorts to telling me she doesn't love me as much anymore, doesn't see a future with me, tells me I can leave he apartment when we get into arguments
-makes fun of me for my interests in personal finance and frugality -> calls me cheap and stingy and says it makes her uncomfortable
-gets triggered when i do not like an instagram comment she leaves on my photo, then goes back and deletes the comment
-gets bothered and triggered when I don't' use instagram around her
-gets bothered and trigged that I "don't' post her enough" even though the past 8/10 photos have her in it
-forces me to add her to instagram captions and tag her in photos
-gets bothered and triggered about hypothetical things i Might do if we break up and manipulates me to prevent me from doing those things (like posting certain photos etc..)
-removes me from her instagram photos when she gets mad in an argument, adds them back after she cools down
-holds me to ultimatums
-tells me she's vindictive and got her ex fired from his job when they got into an argument
-talks to her friends about her political disagreements with me - their only solution for me was to "bring the rifle"
-tells me im not spontaneous enough
-says im not romantic enough (don't write her enough cute notes)
-when i do write her notes, is bothered and says i only did it because she asked me too and its not genuine
-frequently compares me to her ex or to other guys and tells me how much better they were at doing things than I am
-tells me I dont satisfy her in bed, she likes BDSM and tells me a previous guy was incredible at this and I Dont' satisfy her the way he did
-watches porn in the bathroom while i work and lied to me about it multiple times
-lied to me about having the stalking app and tracking my behavior
-lied to me about following the BDSM guy on instagram multiples times
-is extremely hypocritical - the majority of things she expects of me and forces me to do she doesn't hold herself too
-has cheated on her ex after he cheated on her and they got back together, had abusive relationship with ex that became physically violent. told me she felt this way and told her ex she wanted to have babies with him and be with him even after all this (shows she has no rational judgement)
-holds it against me that i was not prince charming and din't come up to her at the bar when we first met
-had high expectations of material gifts i was going to give her for valentines day - what i delivered was underwhelming and she brought it up in an argument
-gets bothered and says things aren't special if ive done them with my ex (like visiting a particular beach or area), says she doesn't want to go there
-is overwhelmed by applying to graduate school, has no organization and drive, was denied from all schools first time because procrastinated on applications and wasn't even aware of requirements needed
-procrastinated the GRE until the last minute, missed deadline to apply when apps opened
-gets frustrated and bothered my attempts to edit her half assed essays -> says im only trying to be critical to "be that guy". takes one or two passes on her essays instead of the 10-15 minimum effort she should be putting in
-always complaining about money and her minimum wage job and comparing my high salary to hers when she lives in a more expensive apartment than I do because she "Can't stand roommates" and spends recklessly and without discipline (buying 180 dollar bikinis etc...)
-has no concept of personal finance, had no concept of the debts she owed until i helped her look at her credit score, purposefully did not pay medical debts she was capable of paying because she wanted it to "Just go away"
-had big problems with many of her coworkers (Constantly complained about first one, had verbal altercations with second that were so drastic was raised to management to intervene)
-has no relationship with her family, rarely hangs out with them, extremely argumentative with parents every time
-has no relationship with brother, never talks to him only arguments
-has punched/slapped her mom in arguments
-has gotten hysical with me in many arguments (pulling me off bed grabbing my head, slamming my computer closed)
-turns off the wifi in arguments while im working, says I can go home if i Need to work
-says im burdimesome at her apartment b/c I dont' always make the bed, I dont' empty the dishwasher and I Leave little hairs in sink after shaving that i dont clean up 100%
-^so much burdensome she almost kicked me out of apartment because "we needed space"
-makes me cry often in arguments and makes no attempt to comfort me (one week I cried 4 days 4 diff arguments)
-thinsk I owe her everything, can't own up to what shes done wrong, isnt' patient with me, expects me to change to warp to her will
-holds my salary against me and uses that against me in arguments (my relatively higher salary than hers)
-says shes uncomfortable around my sister, doesn't like my sister
-says shes triggered by my past and girls ive been with daily and has to hide her emotions to make herself feel happy, but says this is hell
-says i never show her to my friends and this is a red flag that bothers her, but i only have two friends in the city and the one and only time i had a get together with work friends she was invited and there
-doesn't trust me to go out without her. says she wanted to go to concert with me only to make sure i didn't hook up with other girls
-forced me to delete and block my ex on all social media
-tells me her friends dont like me tells her she should break up with me
-says she doesn't trust me to be in her apartment alone bc i might break up with her and take her things
-she interrogates me and ask me question after question, no answers satisfy her
-says i dont open up to her enough
-says i dont show enough emotion
-says im not manly enough, need to "be a man", "step up and be a man"
-regularly calls me a narcissist, I have no empathy, I'm too logical
- says everything would be fine if I just showed her empathy, understood her, and was patient with her
submitted by throw11742 to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]


2020.07.06 19:15 FurryBellyButt0n If you are struggling right now, it's okay to take some time to process past behaviors that have hurt you and reframe those challenges in a way that lifts you up. You owe it to yourself to allow your past feelings to shame to bring you the gift of grace to move forward. Here are some tips & support

Re-framing is a great tool in leveling up, identifying past triggers in previous relationships, processing what you NEED to feel to move forward, and allow the feelings of shame to evolve so you can begin to feel grace (then gratitude) for all the lessons you have learned so far in this journey.
If you are struggling right now, feel free to post for support or use some of these therapy tips that helped me get started:
  1. The Whole "Why do I attract men that are NV/LV/emotionally unavailable, etc.? What is it about me that continues to attract the same "types" of people?" Stage

2) Instead of "why do I continue to attract those types of people" mindset when reflecting upon past dating experiences, re-frame and consider "Why would I rather be emotionally unavailable for myself to try to prove to another person I am worthy of their love, attention, and time? Why is it more appealing for me to invest my time, energy, etc. on convincing a person I am worthy enough of their love, attention, and time than focusing that energy on being fully present for myself first?"

4) Instead of blaming yourself for experiencing hurt, abuse, or challenging behaviors from a NVM/LVM, re-frame the experiences as "What is the LVM/NVM missing within themselves that made them believe it was okay to treat another human being this way?" It will not take away what they did and you should NOT make excuses for them or their actions, but realize it is NOT your fault at all.
  1. Instead of feeling guilty or angry that you are now processing past relationships that were toxic, unhealthy or abusive and blaming yourself for "allowing" it, re-frame to:
  1. Instead of internalizing every nasty thing a LVM/NVM ex has said to you when you decided to put yourself first and leave the situation, re-frame when you are reliving him implying that you "ruined his life" to: "It would ruin my life to continue to stay with a person that needs to bring me down anytime I set a reasonable boundary or communicate my needs to them in the relationship. It is toxic to accept their words as truth because I am not responsible for his life or outcomes, but I am responsible to myself to decide what feedback is of value to me. He is saying that I ruined his life, but by saying that hurtful shit to me--he helped me SAVE my life, my FUTURE, and my WELLBEING because he let me know that he will never be the person I was hoping them to be and the only outcome I can change is who I allow in my life."
Other re-framing is helpful and feel free to chime in if you want some positive re-framing to get through whatever you need to get through! <3
submitted by FurryBellyButt0n to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.07.05 11:55 Devil-Darling-6781 4 years and he cheats on me with a 14 year old....

Yep it's exactly how it sounds believe me I was shocked too. I've had this on my chest for a long while and when I got into Slash_YT I wanted to share this story, not to hurt anybody but to tell other people to watch out for this bs. Not sure if this should go under AmITheAsshole or anything else but here it goes. Obviously I won't share names since I don't want anybody hounded and since this happened last year it'll be off of memory (also I'm writing this at 3:29am) so the details will be a bit fuzzy.
4 years ago I got together with someone who I thought was an amazing guy.(We'll call him just Ex) I was the one who asked him out after knowing him from Page Turners in my school and finding out from a friend that he liked me. For the first two years he was amazing, he would tell me the sweetest things and make me really happy. At first he was pretty decent to my family when he came over to my house too. And just so we could talk more he introduced me to Discord where I met good friends and even made a server of my own(this will be important). On Valentines day, he would give me sweet letters telling me I was the one, that I was a good loving person and the he would always be with me. But when the third year rolled around everything started to change slowly. He started getting touchy and very grabby. He would kinda hang on me alot of the time, all the time we were together in person. Even in school this would happen. I didn't mind much at first since this was my first relationship and I figured he really loved me. But eventually it started happening all the time, when I was at his house or mine, weither or not people were in the room. He even tried doing it at school in lunch wwhich I had to draw the line at. Also whenever I didn't spend enough at his house(mind you I saw him every freakin day at school for about 8 hours since we always walked together), he would message me on messenger or Discord, or tell me at school to come over more often, or tell me that I wasn't doing enough in our relationship. So feeling horrible about this I try harder. Now one thing I used to do when my Ex did something stupid or picked fun at me, I'd playfully punch his shoulder or swat over the head(Sometimes I called him young man cause he was a year younger then me), I did once accidentally hit him and broke his glasses to which I apoligized non stop feeling horrible about it. I'd also call him silly names like dingus, goofball, or baka. (I'm in to anime it means fool or idiot)But I never did any of this maliciously. (Note he called me a Tsundere for this and never expressed an issue for it before) But one day we got into a argumnent and he told me he didn't like that I hit him playfully or the nicknames I called him like baka. And yet again said I wasn't over as much as I should be and I wasn't trying hard enough in the relationship. This is one of the times I broke down crying cause I felt like the worst girlfriend alive and I promised to try harder and to stop calling him nicknames and playfully hitting him.(Again first relationship) These fights happened several times consisting of him telling me I don't try hard enough and that I need to do better, and it would end with me either telling him sincve I eventually started getting sick of it and me crying cause again I felt like a horrible girlfriend. My family wasn't always aware of this but they did notice the issues that would arise when he was over. He started badly disrespecting my family, my sister would tease him he'd snap at her or downright insult her, he asked my brother for tips on masterbating (ew), would argue with everything my parents or siblings would say, didn't matter if they were right he'd argue with them, and he even asked my dad for permission to have s** with me.(Like WTF) My dad was raised in the south and was deeply offended by this. Of course when his mom found out she scolded him. His parents did like me I acted respectful in their house and treated them and his brothers with respect, how could he not do the same? Eventually due to this I started not wanted to come over to his place often and didn't want him to come over much either.
When I got into Discord I made a server the whole nine and I would often role-play there. But there were many times when my Ex would get over sensitive about stuff and actually believe the RP was actually real. It got so bad at one point I started crying in the bathroom scaring the crap out of my sister. But even so we had a lot of friends and eventually one of those friends created a server, we'll call him Paint. He loved rp and never gave away his real information besides his gender and age, and he tended to be vague about where he lived. (Can't blame him) But as time went on the behavior my ex would display in my server started happening in Paint's. Being over sensitive, taking rp to literally, being over-powered(everything hates that), and making every problem about him. Well as our time rping in Discord continued my ex got the idea to gte into a poly with two other people. These two were already together, we'll call the guy Fox, and the Girl Reaper. My Ex and Fox were the ones who come up with idea and asked me and Reaper. I was a bit weirder out since these two people were online and Reaper was like freakin daughter to Paint. But in the end I went along with it, that should have been a red flag to add onto the many others but I was too naive to see that. Honestly at first the relationship was great and I was started to see the 4 of us being together for a long. Yes I know I'm a giant idiot. I started to fall for Reaper, like really fall in love with her. I cared about Fox yea but he was barely on alot of the time, and eventually Reaper broke up with him and me and my ex stopped talking to him as far as I knew. But before that happened my ex and Reaper were having a falling out and somehow techniqually he was out of the relationship but at the same time he was still in it. (Honestly still confused by that ._.) But I managed to convince Reaper to stay in the relationship and give my ex another chance. Well one day in school I was flirting with Reaper on YT chat(this was the same day I covinced her to stay). It was getting a bit NSFW but I didn't see an issue with it. Me and my ex were walking to class per normal, I wasn't even hiding it from him it was in plain veiw for him to see. Again didn't see an issue. Well Reaper tells me in class she changed her mind and didn't wanna be in the relationship anymore since my ex started pestering her and being a jerk. When I walk out of class he storms up to me.
Ex: I can't believe you
Me(standing there confused): What are you talking about?
Ex:I saw you and Reaper, you two were f****** (note we were s**ting that's about it)
Me: Yea I was, what's the problem. I don't understand why your upset.
Ex: It's over, we're done.
I froze as he stormed away. I felt my heart shatter into a million peices hearing that. I mean now, I kinda get why he did that but at the same time i don't, we were all still in the poly and techniqually no one ended it, also I had convinced Reaper to keep going in the relationship. I started crying through out the day feeling horrible not really understanding what i did wrong.. Eventually Reaper got him to come talk to me and he should me their conversation. Basically him being pushy and being a jerk to Reaper cause he saw our conversation. Again I burst into to sobbing hysterics and blubbered out that i had just covinced her to stay, and no one really ended the poly, and that I loved Reaper as much as I loved him. He started apologizing profusely and said he didn't want to leave me. Like an idiot I fogave him though I told he'd need to work to make it completly right. And that was kinda when the poly ended for awhile and we ended up being just friends for a bit. But as things continued low and behold another "Your not trying hard enough to keep this relationship going" crap started again. Though this time I immediately shot him down telling I was trying my hardest to keep it going. Yet again still ended up crying. He aslo began treating me like a peice of meat and it made me feel VERY uncomfortable and even hurt..like that was all he wanted out of me. Thing is we never did anything besides explore a few times, meaning we were both still virgins. Kinda glad it didn't happened though.
Now your probably wonder where the 14 year old comes, don't worry that's coming. As the end on the school year came and summer was gonna start I had plans to go to Florida for the summer to be with my grandparents on my dad's side since I don't see them much. My ex wasn't pleased about this but I made it clear I was going weither he liked it or not. Also my cousin's wedding was coming up and I was invited to the reception she was gonna have up here, and the one she was gonna have in Maryland. My family couldn't come to her wedding since we weren't Morman but we didn't mind, we were just glad she was happy. Before her reception I got to stay in the same cozy hotel that my cousin, her family, our grand parents, and her fiance were staying at. Ironically when I told her about the issues I was having with me Ex she told me if it was that bad I should just dump him since it's not worth the heart ache. To be honest I actually did consider it, especially when he started bullying our friends on Discord especially Paint. He said the most horrible and nasty things to Paint, and the reason he did this? Two of his oc's got killed in rp and apparhently there was no way to save them and it broke Paint's server rules. (One was yeeted through a portal and the other was stabbed in the shoulder, I still don't see how they couldn't have been saved or brought back from the dead, it's rp for gods' sake) I was livid that he was treating Paint that way. Paint was a kind, selfless, caring individual who always put others above himself, still does to this day. Also I was not willing to keep dating a bully so I told my EX I was gonna end it. He started begging me not to go and asked for another chance. He even told me he convince Reaper to be in the poly again, just the three of us this time. Like an idiot I relented and agreed, but I only did it for Reaper cause I really did love her too. But I told him he was on thin ice from now on for that. Remember this, I really wish I had listened to my cousin.
Things seemed better as the weeks went on and I actually thought that everything was getting better. I'd got to Floridawith my sister, the three of us could chat while I'm there and everything was fine.....man I was so freaking naive. Remember when I said I was also invited to my cousin's reception in Maryland? Well we stopped off there for week with my cousin's family so we could actually attend the reception. I helped set it up, we all dressed nicely I was even having fun. But as soon as it's about to start I look at my phone. Reaper is raging mad saying she's done with the relationship and it was over. I'm confused and I try to figure out the situation. Reaper and Paint told me that my ex was cheating on me and Reaper with a freaking 14 year old boy....I'm shocked...and yet again I felt my heart broke. Immediatly I bombard my ex asking him why, telling him to tell me if it was really true, and to explain himself. He didn't answer me. I ended up running into the bathroom bawling my eyes out. My sister, Cousin and Grandma all came in to make sure I was ok. (#Love my family) I blubbered out what happened and they were livid. My sister called my dad and then messaged my ex's mom about what happened, he was grounded big time. I ended up spending the whole reception moping and being upset. And I felt aweful cause I didn't want to ruin my cousin's reception with my issues.
I still went to Florida and ended up being in a relationship with just Reaper both of us trying to get over my ex. But eventually she had to end things cause her parents threaten to kicl her out if she dated a girl. I was understanding and moved on from it. But when school came around he tried to message Paint and Paint immediaely called him out not wanting anything to do with my Ex. My Ex exploded at him. He said I had more issues then he did. He called me a bad person, he said that I beat him(playful punching and swat over the head), called him names (the baka thing), insulted him, cheated on him(thing with Reaper), never tried hard enough, alway put him down, treated him like crap, etc. He even said his parents saw my bs as he puts it. Yet again I find myself breaking down into tears and I had to go home early from that. He was blocked by nearly everbody. Later I found out he told several people he loved then, even Paint. And he was in another relationship behind my back for a couple years. And apparehently his relationship goal was to get laid. F***** wow.
Sadly I had contact with him two more times before cutting complete comtact for good. The first time he told a kid younger the both of us to go kill themselves, and me along with several people called him out on it, he immediately said we were attacking him. The second and last time was when he got invited back to a server I unfortunatly happened to be in. I ried to leave before it got outta hand but I had just gotten a new tablet and it was being funky. He immediatly started in, calling me immature for not forgiving him and putting the past behind us. Eventually it got to the point where told me he was beyond desperate to get out of the relationship cause of how bad I was(which I was not), that he only stayed as long as he did because I begged him, (I did not) and he had to cheat on me so the relationship could end. Just.....wow. So instead of being an adult and just telling me you want to end it, you cheat on me with a freaking child and several other people, cause I was so horrible a girlfriend....yea at the point I begged the owner to just kick me from the server. I've had no contact with him sense.
Now I have a new boyfriend who treats me like i'm his world and who actually loves me. I was actually scared to get into a new relationship cause of my ex, he really messed up my self esteem. But thanks to my new loving boyfriend, I'm starting to get over my fears and doubts. While I do still have moments where I'm beating myself up, I'm happy knowing I have somebody who actually loves me and who will treat me as his lil angel. As much as I dissagree with that pet name. I know this is kinda long but really wanted to share this story, and I already feel alot better just typing out. As bad as my first relationship was I'm glad I got over it and meet my sweet loving boyfriend who always looks out for me. I'm happy with how things turned out.
(update sorta)* For anybody confused by the title, at the moment I am 18 years old and my ex is a year younger then me. When this happened I was 17 and he had just turned 17. Even though there's not much difference in years it's still dating a minor and very much illegal in New York. Sorry about the confusion.*
submitted by Devil-Darling-6781 to rSlash_YT [link] [comments]


2020.07.04 11:48 Prince_Myshk1n An Intro Guide to Danmachi Memoria Freese

An Intro Guide to Danmachi Memoria Freese
Tofu's Intro Guide to Danmachi Memorial Freese
By: AznTofu, Edited by Larg
Contents:
  1. Units
  2. Types of Adventures
  3. Currencies
  4. Stats
  5. Falna
  6. Exilia Books
  7. Ascension
  8. Characters Points (CP)
  9. Party Formation
  10. Blacksmith (1. Blacksmith Shop Basics. 2. Basic Crafting Materials. 3. Special Crafting Items 4. Crafting [A- Weapons, B- Armor: Tips for armor ])
  11. Other items and their uses
  12. What to do?
  13. Events
  14. Game Calendar
1. Units
  • Adventures (Majority of units)
  • Assists (Minority of units)
Assists are paired with Adventure units. An assist’s stats will add on to the paired adventurer’s stats. The assist’s skill may help with the team’s overall stats or individual adventure.

2. Types of Adventures
  • Physical Units
  • Magic Units
  • Balance Units - support types that generally helps survivability, can also help buff/debuff
  • Heal
  • Defensive

3. Currencies
  • Iris - used to pull for units
  • Valis - used to pay for most things like leveling up, unlocking status boards, crafting, etc

4. Stats
Unit's Strength (Red) 
Affects your physical attacks and penetration rates
Unit's Endurance (Yellow) 
Affects your guard rates and damage dealt by enemies
Unit's Dexterity (Purple) 
Affects your crit rates, penetration rates, and counter rates.
Unit's Agility (Green) 
Affects your action orders, crit rates, guard rates, and counter rates.
Unit's Magical Ability (Blue) 
Affects your magic damage and heal amount*.*
Your Status may be increased / decreased by Lv. / Status Board / Development Ability / CP Rewards / Equipments.

5. Falna
Helps boost a unit’s stats by unlocking nodes in the status board.

Comes in 3 sizes:
  • Small- Unlocks stats for 1* to 3 * units
  • Medium - Unlocks stats for 4* and 5* units
  • Large - Unlocks stats for 6* units
You may need different sized black skills falna to rank up units

Types of Falnas
  • Str (Red) - Unlocks Str stats
  • End (Yellow) - Unlocks End stats
  • Dex (Purple) - Unlocks Dex stats
  • Agi (Green) - Unlock Agi stats
  • Mag (Blue) - Unlock Magic stats
  • Skill (Black)- Unlock skills and used to rank up
  • Hero Falna (HF) (Rainbow orbs)- used to rank up and unlock limit break stats

6. Exilia Books
Helps boost a unit’s level. Comes in 3 size: Small, Med, Large

7. Ascension
You may Ascend a unit when they reach level 60. Not all units are ascendable and some may have their ascension locked.

Units featured on banners will generally come with ascension unlocked. *You will know if a unit has their ascension unlocked if their picture border is **pink** instead of a mix of **blue/purple**.*

Part of Ascension, you require two materials.
  • Ascension Falna (Pink) - Used to unlock level 1 - 3
  • Hero Light (Blue) - Used to unlock level 4 - 6. THIS IS THE RAREST AND MOST EXPENSIVE ITEM IN THE GAME. DO NOT WASTE IT/USE IT TO MAX HERO ASCEND FREE UNITS.
Hero Light can also be used to unlock a unit’s ascension.

8. Characters Points (CP)
You can view the Character List and see the CP level of each character.
Each Hero has their own CP. When selected, the CP level for the current Hero will be shown.
Rewards earned by CP Lv. Up can be checked by tapping [CP Rwd List], and the selected character's profile can be viewed by tapping [Character Detail].
https://preview.redd.it/r7hsnjfeqs851.png?width=622&format=png&auto=webp&s=19663b1265f8aca31093cbf22a4b86cd87a39171
Character Points:
  • You can increase CP by talking to characters in the Home Screen, clearing Quests with the relevant Unit in your Party, or by offering Presents.
  • Each character's CP differ depending on each Hero.
  • For example: Bell's CP will increase when Bell is selected as the Hero.
When clearing conditions, you can receive CP Rewards for the selected Hero.
PresentsBy offering CP Items to characters, CP for the current selected Hero will increase.
There are 3 types of CP Item: [Food], [Flower], and [Book]. These can be earned in Events.
Each character has their favorite CP Item which will raise the amount of CP received when offering a Present. This is indicated with a heart logo symbol.
A table for the exact CP needed for each level will be shortly located on the subreddit.
9. Party Formation
You can build a party of *6 adventures* and *6 assists*.
Slot 1-4 are your frontline. Slot 5 and 6 are your backline.

When the frontline enters a battle, everyone benefits from the frontline’s assists if their skills apply to allies. Backline units that comes in *after a frontline unit has fallen*, does not gain the assist skills of frontline units that apply to allies. However, frontline units will receive backline assist’s skills if it applies to allies.

Simple Example
  • Frontline unit falls. Slot 5 enters. Slot 5’s assist gives allies HP regen. As slot 5 enters, everyone who is already in the frontline will gain the HP regen assist skill. However, slot 5 will not get the assist skills from those already in the frontlines.
Same logic can be applied to Slot 6. If another unit falls and slot 6 enters, everyone in the current frontline will gain slot 6 assist’s skills if it applies to allies. Slot 6 will not benefit from anyone’s assist skills that apply to allies.

Saving Your Party
You have up to 7 different parties at a given time. You can make a party to grind events or a party for a particular stage for a familia event. Regardless, it is always good to make use of the save/load feature. Saving a party will save the units, weapons and armor equipped to those units, and the slot order. Loading the saved party will load what you saved. It is always smart to double check whenever you load a party. Make sure the proper equipment and armor is on.

Auto Equipment feature needs improvement and should generally be avoided.

10. Blacksmith
You can craft unit’s personal weapons in the blacksmith. Almost all units have their own personal weapons.
10.1 Blacksmith Shop Basics
From the shop:
  • Purchase - Buy basic weapons and armor with valis
  • Crafting - Make more special weapons and armors
  • Rehammer - Rerolling stats and attributes
  • Upgrade - Level up weapons and armor
  • Smelting - Ranking up weapons and armor
  • Equipment Ascension - Limit break weapons and armor
  • Repair - Repair equipment durability: 0 durability equipment losses attribute effects
  • Change Equipment - Change unit’s equipment
  • Equipment List - List of your weapons and armor, sell/rid of them here

10.2 Basic Crafting Materials
These are the common crafting materials used for general weapons and most armor. Can be farmed from Crafting Quests. You can also farm for Secret Hammers, Mystic Bellows, and Moonbow Gems but only dropped by Blue Bunnies which has a chance appearance in 2nd enemy wave.
Rarity Ore Bone Hide Cloth Wood
1 Star Bronze Ore Basic Bone Basic Hide Basic Cloth Basic Wood
2 Star Steel Ore Quality Bone Quality Hide Quality Cloth Quality Wood
3 Star Silver Ore Flawless Bone Flawless Hide Flawless Cloth Flawless Wood
4 Star Gold Ore Rare Bone Rare Hide Rare Cloth Rare Wood

10.3 Special Crafting Items

Farmable from Crafting Quests
  • Moonbow Gems - Used in the special exchange shop (inside shop tab) to get a unit’s weapon crafting materials
  • Secret Hammer - Used to reroll a weapon’s/armor’s status
  • Mystic Bellows - Used to reroll a weapon’s/armor’s attributes

Farmable from Events shops
  • Whetstone - Similar to Exilia Books, they increase a weapon’s/armor’s level. Available in Small, Medium, and Large
  • Smelting Stone - Similar to falna, they help rank up a weapon’s/armor’s rank. Also available in 3 sizes

Obtainable from doing Record Buster and certain Dispatch Quests
  • Buster Medal - Used to craft Glorious Anklets (these anklets gives ailment protection)
  • Buster Badge - Used to craft Revolving Amulets and ‘Glorious’ series weapons. Only obtainable from doing Record Buster

Obtainable from clearing 7th Zone
  • Sharp Carbonado - Used to ascend weapons (weapon needs to be lvl 60)
  • Ultramafic Rock - Used to ascend armors (armor needs to be lvl 60)

10.4 Crafting
When crafting, you can get 4* weapons/armor with different stats and attributes.

A. Weapons
A character’s weapons has a default Crit +15% (Exception is Lefiya which gets End +30)
Stats Ranges:
  • +190-230 for physical or magic attacks for 4* weapons
  • Stats range increases when you rank up a weapon. Max 6*
Attribute includes
  • Crit +15%
  • Agi +30
  • Dex +30
  • Str +10/+30 for physical weapons
  • Mag +10/+30 for magic weapons

You may get up to 3 attributes on a single weapon (not including the default Crit/End +)
  • Example: You may craft and get just Agi +30, or Agi +30, Dex +30, and Str +30.
You may reroll stats and attributes
  • Rerolling stats will roll any number within the said range
  • Rerolling attributes will rid your current one and give you new random ones
When rolling weapons, settle for 226/230 attack, double crit, and a 3rd attribute for a good, non-perfect weapon. Choose Agi for WG units, and either Dex or Attack for RB units. 10 attack isn't good unless you're desperate, or it's a 4 attribute roll with double crit.

B. Armor
Similar to weapons. You have stats and attributes.
Check details to see what attributes armor has since each armor tends to have its one special attribute for itself. Each has its usefulness depending on the situation.

Tips for Armor
  • Breastplates are a good general armor
  • Glorious Anklets are good for RB and some events that applies status ailments on your team
  • Elemental Coats can be useful depending on the stage, make sure to get elemental resist attribute to actually get damage reduction
  • Revolving Amulets are good to put on sacs to get them out after 1 action at the end of turn.

Sacs are units you sacrifice to benefit the frontline with their skills or assist’s skill.
When rolling weapons, settle for 108/111 defense. For the attributes, always make sure the primary attribute of the weapon appears in the given attributes. For Example**, a breastplate without the 15% guard attribute is useless. Prioritize Agi as a second stat for units/armor to be used for WG.**

11. Other Items and Their Uses

Stamina Restore items
  • Potato Snacks: Restore stamina
  • Crepes: Restore stamina
  • Crystal Drops: Restore stamina

Bonds Related Items
  • Prism Bond (Ad.): Unlocks limit breaks for regular 4* adventure units
  • Prism Bond (As.): Unlocks limit breaks for regular 4* assist units
  • Star Bond (Ad.): Unlocks limit breaks for only time-limited 4* adventure units
  • Star Bond (As.): Unlocks limit breaks for only time-limited 4* assist units

  • Hero Medal: Collect 3 to exchange for Prism Bond(Ad.) in Shop
  • Flame Amulet: Collect 3 to exchange for Prism Bond(As.) in Shop

  • Gnome Ticket: Collect to exchange for Star Bonds. DON'T EXCHANGE ANYTHING ELSE WITH GNOME TICKETS BESIDE STAR BONDS
  • 1000 gnome tickets for Star Bond (Ad.)
  • 1500 gnome tickets for Star Bond (As.)

Serios and Dulb
Serios
  • Gained when you sell extra bonds of 2*, 3*, and free event units
  • Can be exchanged for a variety of items
Dulbs
  • Gained when you sell extra bonds of 4* units
  • Can be exchanged for prism bonds, hero light, and 4* tickets (don’t ever get 4* tickets with dulbs)

CP Items
  • Dungeon Sandwich: CP +100
  • Dungeon Cake: CP +200
  • Book of Knowledge: CP +100
  • Book of Nobility: CP +200
  • Single Flower: CP +100
  • Big Bouquet: CP +200
  • Orario Souvenir: CP +200 (Used on units not part of Danmachi Series/Collab units)
  • Character specific: CP +500 (Usually for special characters from big events)

Others
  • Faith Stones(S, M, L): Used to level up a Familia's Level
  • Event Unit Ticket: Used in shop to get a previous free event unit. Can get multiple copies to max limit break (MLB)
  • Gacha Tickets: Comes in 2*, 3*, 4*, 11 draw 3*, 11 draw 4*, and 2* scratch variations

**12. What to do?**Always ask for help when you run into difficulty in any game mode
Note: This list is subject to different opinions
1.Check the Guild
  • Do the daily
  • See what you can complete in Time-Limited
  • Check what other missions are available (new players have beginners quests to complete for good items)
2. Talk to all characters, CP will level up faster
3. Check Arena
  • Do whatever is available, Record Buster or War Games
4. Farm for items, events, or get more iris through story/guild quests

13. Events
There is generally a tale event always going on. Clear the event if you can. They are a good source of iris and items.
Farm the most difficult stage, usually gives the most drops
Use drops to get items from the event exchange
Items includes (in importance of order, personal opinion)
  1. Hero Medal
  2. Flame Amulet
  3. Hero Light
  4. Ascension Falna
  5. Gnome Tickets
  6. Smelting Stones (S, M, L)
  7. Whetstones (S, M, L)
  8. Faith Stones (S, M, L)
  9. CP Items - Vary per event if available
  10. Gacha Tickets - Can vary per event but usually 2* gacha tickets
  11. Falna (S, M, L) - Best place to get M Skill (Black) Falna. Usually most in need for newer players starting the game since its more difficult to farm
  12. Event Unit Ticket - There are a few good free units for new players, depends on what you have, best to ask for advice since depends on what you have. Can sell bonds for Serios, which can be used to buy CP items.
  13. Valis
  14. Alarm Gem - Kinda useless if not totally useless

14. Game Calendar
There are events/holiday themed events that can be expected. Events generally last about 3 weeks.
Japan Game’s Anniversary June 18th
Biggest event in the game. Usually we see new game mechanics and great units that last for a long time. Best to have some iris saved up beforehand. Majority of Anniversary units have been time-limited.
There is also NA and EU Anniversary but usually no special event, just gifts for the occasion
Halloween October
Usually we see a Halloween themed event. Tends to be a popular one. Halloween units tend to be good and useful. Always been time-limited units.
WinteXmas December
Similar to Halloween
New Years Eve January
Same as above
Valentines Day February
Same as above
Summer Event Mid July/August
Same as above. Features swimsuit characters.
Crossover Collaboration TBA
It can be assumed that there will be a crossover collaboration event once a year. Time-limited units and their usefulness can vary but usually good.
Past Collaborations
  • Kino's Journeys
  • Crunchyroll
  • Attack on Titans
  • Date A Live
  • Goblin Slayer
The game does have a live stream that showcases upcoming events and units. Be sure to follow the Danmemo News posts of the Livestream for the latest information of what's coming.
Familia Events
There are three current known Familia events you can do with your Familia.
Check links for more details about the events. Generally FWG and FTFR will alternate with one another.
submitted by Prince_Myshk1n to DanmachiMemoriaFreese [link] [comments]


2020.07.01 22:46 CognitivelyPositive How To Cope With a Breakup (a guide) [Based on Science}

I know you are going through hell right now. You are sad, confused, angry, depressed, and sometimes numb. You go from sad to angry then to numb. Or you are just sad all the time or even just angry all the time. I am here to tell you that whatever emotions you are going through is normal. It is totally normal to feel these painful emotions and even be confused by them. You don't go from grief to anger, you switch around a lot. Your emotions are basically all over the place. Guilt, shame, disappointment, and hopelessness are quite common too. You might be also experiencing panic and anxiety attacks, heartache (literally), episodes of depression, headaches, stomach problems, loss of appetite, insomnia. You can't stop thinking about your Ex and what they have done to you.
To make matters worse, our friends and family aren't being the most helpful. At first, maybe they were supportive. And then later they just started being dismissive to our feelings by saying things like "Just move on already" or "There is a lot of fish in the sea". This causes us to feel like there is something wrong with us, that we should have moved on already. This notion makes us blame ourselves for feeling this pain. I am here to tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you for feeling this way. There is no RIGHT amount of time to take to "move on" and none of it is your fault.
Heartbreak is universal and has existed for more than thousands if not millions of years of our existence (Fisher, 2017). You can trace poems about broken hearts from the ancient Egyptian pyramids to ancient Inuit cave dwellings. Look at the top 100 songs on the billboards right now, the majority are songs about our broken hearts. Where there is love, there will be heartbreak. Your experience is excruciating, but fortunately not unique. Our species has survived and thrived after getting their hearts smashed into bits for thousands of years. So, YOU can too.
You don't feel like yourself. You don't think you will ever be happy again. Fortunately, you are going to be OKAY. It will take a while but you will get back to who you were before. I promise on our broken-hearted ancestors. I prepared this guide so this process is much easier. This guide also outlines the best way to get your ex back, if you want that. These tips are not in chronological order, you do not need to follow them one after another.
1) Acceptance
Maybe you realized before it happened or maybe the break up got you by surprise. Either way, it’s devastating. You hope this is some nightmare and you will get up and everything will get back to normal. But no, this is your reality right now. The relationship is over. It’s okay to be in shock and denial in the first few weeks but eventually, you will just have to accept it. It will be difficult to accept it, but you have to do it to get to the next healing stage. Accept what happened. Denial will only prolong your suffering.
2) Grieve your loss
Cry your heart out, doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl. Start your day with a good cry. It lifts a huge burden and you walk lighter throughout the day. Break up music, pictures of your ex, old texts are all good things to use to start bawling if you are having trouble crying. Angry? Punch a pillow, yell into the pillow! Do whatever it takes to get your anger out, as long as it's not harming anyone else. This grief will come in waves. Some days you might not feel it as much, but some days it hits you hard. That is normal. So cry! Process your emotions, don't hold it in. Holding it in will compound it and it will come out in different ways. There is no timeline for you to process grief. Don't let anybody tell you "In 6 months you will stop crying". Your healing process is YOUR healing process. Take however long. It might also hit you unexpectedly, a year into the healing journey when you think you are doing great then you hear a song you both liked and boom. You are hit with sadness. It does diminish over time so, be patient. The intensity and frequency of "grief attacks" and "anger attacks" lessen over time.
Sometimes we are disappointed not because they left but because they did not fulfill our expectations. Such as getting married to us, having our babies, etc. These dreams can be fulfilled by somebody else. You are not sad because they were the one, you are sad because you THOUGHT they were.
3) Understanding what is going on in your head right now
Humans are social animals. Our survival depended on our ability to forge relationships with others (Buss, 2019). Hence, our brain evolved to instill mechanisms that would help us keep these relationships. So when a prehistoric bear tried to kidnap your mate, you would enter fight or flight mode which would make you jump into action and do everything to save them. As you heard the cries of your mate, your cortisol would shoot through the roof, adrenaline and norepinephrine would pump into your body which helps you to run faster, fight harder and feel less pain. These chemicals motivate you to take massive action. You might scream at the bear while chucking rocks at his head or run back to the village super fast and call for backup. Were they always successful in warding the bear off? Nope, but they were successful enough to pass this evolutionary advantageous trait to us since our ancestors who did not possess this trait died off. Therefore it would make sense if you have an eerily similar reaction if some random guy in a trench coat tried to kidnap your little brother. Unfortunately, for people going through a breakup, this mechanism gets triggered since a relationship is potentially ending and our brain is freaking the fuck out. This mechanism might make us call them a 100 times, scream at them, make big romantic gestures, hold on to their leg while they are trying to walk away (metaphorically or even LITERALLY). We try reasoning with them, we try everything to get them back to calm our head but it doesn't work. (Will get into why it doesn't work later on). Even if it does work, it does not last long. This fight or flight response persists because we failed to keep our relationship. Our body is riddled with agonizing anxiety all day because those stress chemicals I mentioned earlier are still doing their magic on your system. This may persist, days or even months. This phase won't last forever. You just need to make sure to not do anything stupid, you know like CALLING THEM A 100 TIMES but even if did do something stupid. Don't be too hard on yourself.
4) Be patient
I know hurts. It's horrible. It is going to be like this for a bit but you will get better eventually. People don't take 2 weeks to 'Get over it'. Be patient, trust the process.
5) Cut off all contact, go No contact (For your own healing)
Don't text them, don't call them, don't snap them, don't like their photos, don't do anything to contact them, don't even try to send a pigeon. If they message or call you, let them know straight up that if they want to try the relationship again they can call or text you. Otherwise, tell them not to contact you under any circumstances. No need to be mean, do it politely. "If you ever want to give another try with our relationship, only then contact me. Otherwise refrain from contacting me. I want some space, thank you." Why are we being so cruel?
Love activates all your happy chemicals. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin (Zeki, 2007). When the person dumps you, they cut you off all these happy chemicals causing massive withdrawal symptoms. Interestingly people going through a drug withdrawal show the exact same symptoms (Fisher, 2017). Why? Because love is the ultimate drug and you are addicted.
Your brain is addicted to your ex. To cure this addiction you have to go cold turkey. Will it be dreadful? YES. Is it necessary? Yes. You might think keeping in contact as friends will cushion the blow. In the long term, it will be more painful to be their friend because you will see them moving on without you. Talking to them is like re-opening a wound over and over again.
This is actually the hardest part since you are literally fighting against your basic human instinct I talked about earlier that prevents the loss of a loved one. Your brain is screaming at you "WE NEED TO GET THEM BACK! CALL THEM, TEXT THEM etc". Once we fear we are losing a loved one our brain will try to do everything to get them back. If a bear was running off with them, then it would have helped but in this case, reaching out to them will further push them back. They want some space from you right now.
This includes stalking them on social media, don't do it. It complicates your healing since you are reopening a wound over and over again. Easier said than done though. If you really struggle with this, maybe try to ween off it slowly. Let yourself see their fb twice a week at first, then twice in two weeks etc. Slowly ween off doing it at all. I suggest unfollowing them at least.
Coincidentally, No Contact is the same move to make if you want to win them back. It is a double-edged sword. Whether you want them back or heal your heart OR BOTH. Your best move is to go No Contact.
6) Using No Contact to get them back
You might be wondering that if you do no contact, they might actually forget about you and move on. WRONG! How many times do you think about water a day? Not a lot. Lets just imagine that your house runs out of water, the whole city runs out of water. All you can think about now is water. You are thirsty, you want to take a shower, you want to cook....the lack of water has forced you to think of it. Its the scarcity effect, we long for things that are scarce more than we long for things that are plenty (Cialdini, 2014). Hence, no contact makes your ex think about you way more than they would have if you kept badgering them. You need to be completely out of the picture for them to miss you. They must feel your void.
You might feel that begging them to come back would work, it won't. They have already made the decision to leave you and prepared for you to react like this. You think you can reason with them to take you back. You can't. Because right now they aren't emotionally neutral enough to hear any logical arguments.
Why can't you convince them? Its because they have made a decision already. Humans want to stay consistent with their decisions due to the consistency principle (Cialdini, 2014). The decision to break up is not made logically, its made emotionally, hence using logic to reason with them is useless.
Hence, you can't change their mind right now. The only person that can change their minds is themselves. You help them do that by going No Contact.
Show yourself that you respect yourself enough to NOT chase after someone who left you. Neediness is unattractive, show your ex that you don't need them. Here are more reasons to not chase them.
- When they broke up with you, they expected you to still be in the sidelines as a friend or something. So they don't have to fear losing you. Well, don't give them what they expect, leave the situation. Vanish out of her life completely. So they start actually fearing that they might lose you. Fear of loss is a great motivation for action in humans since we are loss averse (Kahneman, 2011). This will make it more likely they will want to get back with you.
- You not being in their loop anymore, causes them to get curious about you. After curiosity comes attraction. When their attraction towards you has reached a level, they will contact you.
- They actually start respecting you since they assumed you were going to beg and plead. Respect is essential for attraction.
- Over time, they will forget all the negative things about you and the situation that made them break up with you. Negative memories lose their intensity faster than positive ones. As more time passes, you will look better due to the faded affect bias (Gibbons, 2011)
7) How to actually do "No contact"
When my ex broke up with me I could not believe what was happening. This was the closest thing to hell I have ever experienced. I have been hit hard by life many times. But this punch, it nearly killed me. Nothing could ever prepare me for this. It was absolute agony. I would go to sleep and start dreaming about being together with her. I would wake up and realize the reality of the situation and start bawling like a mad man (thats a positive though, you should cry it out). All my dreams I had with her were all shattered. I didn't know what to do. The life I planned with her is nothing but a sad memory now. I started researching and went down the rabbit hole of "Win your ex back". I found out about the no contact policy and started doing it.
The first seven days were brutal. The only thing I told myself was "Just survive the first 7 days". Every inch of my body wanted to reach out to her. To beg her to come back. I knew it wouldn't work. So through sheer will and determination, I didn't reach out to her. As I explained before, my brain was in fight or flight. I was also suffering from withdrawal symptoms of love. I just told myself, "Survive 7 days". That is all I did. I survived 7 days at a time. Maybe you can only survive 1 day at a time. Do that! Tell yourself that "Okay okay, I will contact them in a month". Then when a month rolls by "Okay, next month I will contact her". Then when the next month rolls by tell yourself "Okay, I will contact her in the next 3 months". The trick is to lie to yourself that you will contact them eventually but you never will. (That includes not contacting them on birthdays, holidays, valentine's day, death of a loved one etc). People that join the '12 steps program', are not told to NEVER drink again. That is putting the goal post way out of your reach. The addicts are instructed to NOT drink one day at a time, then a week, then a month, then a year, and then finally for a lifetime.
Another trick I used was to believe that if I did contact them. I would push them farther back and lose them forever. Which is true, breaking no contact will lower your chances of getting them back.
Another trick I used was the progress meter. For every month I took a piece of A4 size paper and drew 30 squares (Each square represents a day). I hung it on my bedroom wall. After each day was over I would put a tick mark on one of the 30 boxes. The tick mark is meant to signify that I have finished another day while following no contact. Once you complete 7 days, it looks really nice, like you have completed a streak. Keeping your streak can be a huge motivator for not breaking no contact (Clear, 2018). It gives you a sense of accomplishment and keeps you on track, you will think twice before breaking your streak. After you tick marked all 30 days, take yourself out for a date, and treat yourself. Then hang up another A4 size paper and keep repeating the process. One day you will tell yourself, "I really don't care anymore to tick mark a box for not contacting my ex", that's the day you can stop. You will stop when you become completely indifferent. The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference.
This will no doubt be the hardest thing you have ever done. You are fighting against your basic human instincts (to connect and reunite) that has been instilled into us since the beginning of time.. You are fighting the neurological mechanism that was set in place to KEEP your loved ones. Hence, the difficulty.
Bonus trick to keep doing no contact (Might not be the healthiest way, but it works). Use only if you are really struggling with no contact. You need to get into the devil mindset.
Realize they have stabbed you through the heart. You are in pain because of them. Time for you to strike back. The best way for them to feel the pain and consequences of losing you is to keep NOT contacting them. Put them in a state of doubt about their decision by not reaching out to them. Let them feel the pain. Remember, if you break no contact. You will stop their pain but we don't want that, do we? In the first few months, they will be fine but slowly they will start feeling the hurt. Is this mindset petty? Yes. But it is way better than contacting them and ruining the chances of healing and/or getting them back. Your last words before starting no-contact should be kind, not anything mean. If you insult or demean them, you will come off as immature and petty. Making them less doubtful about their decision.
For true healing, your no-contact needs to come from a healthier place. After a period, abandon this "devil mindset", see your ex with compassionate curiosity and forgive them. The last thing they wanted to do was to hurt you but there was no other way.
8) Why you should reject their offer of friendship
Sometimes the dumper doesn't want to be so cruel so they try to be your friend. To reduce their guilt and reduce their pain of losing you. Don't give them that. Let them feel the pain of losing you. If you want them back or if you want to move on, the best way is to let them go. They need to miss you, to want you again. The dumper has all the power in this breakup, since they are rejecting you. Take back a little of that power by rejecting their offer of friendship. Do you really want to see them dating new people and asking for your advice? You might think that if you are around her she won't move on and she will realize what an amazing person you are and get back with you. WRONG! What ends up happening is they start categorizing you as a friend rather than a romantic interest. Let's avoid that. You need to let them know that if they want to get back into your life. They can only get back as a romantic interest. Nothing less, nothing more.
9) Stop trying to find the "Real" reason for the breakup
You are going through every conversation you had with her. You are analyzing her texts, you are asking your friends "Could she have left because I didn't share my custard with her on our 12th date ?" You feel like you are Sherlock Holmes, figuring out clues that will lead you to the "real" reason. In reality, they don't even know why they broke up with you. They have an idea of why, but the reason is more emotional than logical so they can't give you a really good reason. I get it, you want closure. The only person that can give you closure is you! Think, think hard why they left you. Write it down on a piece of paper and just learn to accept it. General incompatibility? Poor communication? Lack of time spent? Circumstance? Mental health issues? What do YOU think the reason was? What does your heart tell you? Mystery solved. Remember, if you do reach out to them and try to get closure, no matter what they tell you. It will never be enough.
10) Don't blame yourself
We tend to blame ourselves and our imperfections for the breakup. This person didn't just reject you, they rejected you after knowing you inside out. That is why it hurts so much. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you! Yes, you aren't perfect. You have your flaws. You deserve someone that stays with you regardless of your flaws, not someone who refuses to work on them with you. Sometimes people break up because of the circumstances. It has nothing to do with you. It might just be a bad time and place. All that being said, you deserve someone that makes every excuse to be with you. Not someone who makes every excuse to NOT be with you. Life is hard and complicated, relationships aren't ideal all the time. It's easy to stay in a relationship during the good times, but hard to stay in it in the bad times. The bad times are the times that show you if the other person is worth it or not.
11) Don't idealize your Ex and put them on a pedestal
Drug addicts in withdrawal often highlight only the positives of the drug they were addicted to (Winch, 2018). They conveniently forget how that drug turned their life upside down. People who got dumped do that too. I am not saying your ex turned your life upside down but they weren't perfect. Write down their flaws and things that annoyed you on a piece of paper. Write down what may have attracted you to them but later made you feel like shit. For example, you might have liked the fact they were dominant, but later on it just felt like they were very controlling. When you think about her again, focus on her flaws.
Them dumping you might intensify your feelings towards them. This feeling is not based entirely on love, it's based on adversity. Scientists made a monkey expect treats at a certain time. When they stopped giving them the treat to study its effect on dopamine in their brain. The monkeys thrashed around in fury. Nothing odd about that, but the odd thing was the monkey's brain produced more dopamine when the monkey did NOT get the treat. This extra dopamine meant that the monkey's want for the treat increased when he did not get his treat that he expected. This is called Frustration Attraction (Fisher). We long for things way more when we expect it but don't get it. You expected your ex to be in your life, them not being there anymore made you want them even more. Your love did not increase. This is frustration attraction in play. Don't confuse this with genuine attraction.
12) Don't change your life to avoid pain
Don't avoid the restaurants you used to go to. Don't avoid the activities you used to do together. Yes, when you go to the restaurant you used to go to together might be painful at first. But after a few times, you bring your friends there or even a new date there. Your brain starts creating new memories with that restaurant and the new memories override the old memories and you feel much better. Sure, it was where you and your ex used to have tea but now its where you and your friends spill the tea. You guys used to do yoga together? Try doing it alone or with someone else. Obviously don't resume activities just after the breakup but eventually get to that point.
13) Get rid of the reminders of them
Your ex already occupies your mind a lot. let's not let them haunt you physically too. If they have given you gifts, love letters, old pictures of them etc. We need to remove them. Yes, for the time being at least. Keep them in a box and shove it down a room or place you don't go to. *However these old mementos are very useful to induce crying. I used my ex's love letter to cry my heart out, I read it over and over. Then one day it wasn't really helping me cry, so I decided to get rid of it. Yes, I burned it. It felt pretty awesome and cathartic. So do get rid of these old mementos eventually, no rush. Holding onto vivid reminders of them does not let your wound heal properly. Getting rid of them signals your brain to let go. Its a short term sacrifice for a long term gain. A lot of people report an immediate boost in mood after they purged the physical reminders (Winch, 2018). This also includes their photos on your phone. YES, even the nudes. Let it go.
14) Be compassionate to yourself
Develop a non-judgmental inner voice that is actually kind to you. Instead of beating yourself up with insults, talk to yourself kinder. If you have a thought like "I can't even open a ketchup bottle easily, I am such a dumbass...no wonder she left me", counter this thought with "I am only human and these ketchup bottles are really complex these days, I am not a dumbass.". Respond to the mistakes you make with compassion. Write down all the bad things you say to yourself in a day and look at it. Think about it. Would you ever tell a good friend these things? No. Then don't tell them to yourself.
15) Fill the void with Self Improvement
Now you feel like there is a huge void in your life. Your ex might have been a big part of your life. Fill that void up by adopting a new hobby, learning a new skill, or any passion of yours you wanted to always try but didn't have the time to. Don't fret if you don't have a hobby or a new skill to learn. The journey to finding these things is an awesome adventure on its own. It took me a long while to realize that I really love human psychology and self-improvement books. Read! READ! Increase your knowledge and unlock your full potential. Commit yourself to become a better person. So you don't make the same mistakes you did in your last relationship. Life is about growth but that can't happen without failure. A child doesn't learn how to walk without falling a hundred times first. I will have a recommended book list at the end of the article.
16) Don't "Get busy" to avoid thinking about them
All you are doing is delaying your pain by distracting yourself from thinking about them. Let the thoughts about them come. If you can't cry. Close your eyes and focus on the pain. Be with the body, don't judge the pain. Just notice it. Keep noticing it, till it goes away. That is how you process your pain to go through you and not get buried.
17) Battle the obsession of your ex with mindful meditation
Every waking moment of your day is filled by ruminating about your ex. You will think about them 24/7 for a while. No need to panic. It's totally normal. One thing that can help you do this less is mindful meditation. Mindful meditation is linked to a million other benefits for your physical and mental health, so it's a no brainer (Cho, 2016). You also need to understand that it takes a while for you to get the hang of it. Try using the headspace app's trial feature to learn how to do it.
18) Talk to a professional (therapist)
A break up is a tumultuous time for anyone. Hence seeking professional help isn't the worst idea. When someone breaks up with us, we don't just grieve for our ex. We start grieving for every attachment trauma we ever endured in our lives. Grief is like picking up a paper clip that is connected to other paper clips. You can't grief for your ex alone, you will unconsciously end up grieving about all your attachment trauma. A good therapist can help you through that process.
19) Rely on all your social support systems
Feeling sad? Reach out to friends and family to vent. Sometimes just straight up tell them that you just want to vent and don't want their advice. Your loved ones are here for you to utilize them. But do give them breaks from venting here and there. They are human and they sometimes can get tired of your break up story.
20) Rebuild your identity
When we are in a relationship we tend to merge our identities with our other half. That is why we feel so lost when they leave us. We are so used to having them as our "better" half's that we forget who we were when we never met them in the first place. Maybe you gave up a hobby or activity when you were dating them to have more time with them. Now is the best time to reclaim that part of yourself that you lost when you guys were dating. It is also the best time to figure out who you are and what you truly want. If you always wanted to travel and live in some country for a few months but you couldn't because you were in a committed relationship, now is the perfect opportunity to do so. You aren't tethered by anyone, fly free.
21) Get some physical exercise
Well, the first few months of the breakup I guess its okay if you don't work out at all since you might be too depressed to get out of bed or have any motivation to do anything (I couldn't get up for two months, some other people were fine after a week. So heal in your own time, again there is no timeline to grieve). But eventually, I want you to start exercising regularly to pump your brain with all those feel-good chemicals. 15 to 30 min a day is a good start, hell even just 5 min is great. You can try yoga too if working out isn't your thing. Becoming a bit sexier in the process is a pretty good bonus too.
22) Write letters to them but don't actually send it to them
Write however many letters you want. Write whatever you want to write. Whatever you ever wanted to say to them. Go ahead and say it in the letter. Pour your heart out, leave nothing unsaid. I personally used tape recorders rather than letters. I got too lazy and used the voice recorder on my phone to have a "pretend" one-sided conversation. It felt really good afterward. It cleared my head and gave me a bit of closure. But eventually, burn these letters and delete these recordings by also "Thanking them and forgiving them" in your own words. Every time you burn a letter, thank them and forgive them. You don't need to hold this grudge your whole life, it's not good for you. Forgiving is not for them, its for your own healing. No matter what they did, you have to be able to forgive them eventually. In your own time! There is no time limit. Remember to forgive yourself too for the mistakes you might have made, you are only human after all.
23) Start Journaling
At the end of everyday write or (record your feelings). It helps you process your feelings better. Write about how you feel. Are you feeling sad? Angry? Confused? Putting them down on paper takes a bit of the emotional intensity off you. The first few months you should journal every day but as time goes on, decrease your frequency. After a 3 or 6 month period read your early journal entries and compare them to your most recent journal entries and you will notice how much better you are doing, which will give you a much-needed boost to healing.
24) Start a gratitude journal
Yes, I bet you heard that a million times already. It does increase your happiness quotient (Connor, 2010). Make a habit of listing three things you are grateful for before you go to sleep. When you say these things actually feel it and let the joy of that thing warm you up. It could be as little thing as the dinner you had that day or it could be something really special such as being grateful for your parents.
25) Set ambitious new goals for your life
Is there something you always wanted to do or be? Set your horizons on it and start chasing your new hopes and dreams.
26) Start Dating again
You would eventually want to start dating again. Have fun with your single life. Have some exciting romantic encounters with some girl on vacation. Flirt with that handsome guy at the bar. Have fun, enjoy yourself. Take it slow and be wary of any early red flags. Trust your gut. Maybe you knew your ex was an alcoholic but still went out with him. Don't make the same mistakes you made last time. But if you want to stay single for a while, that is okay too. Do you, there is no right or wrong here. Think of dating as a source of possible romantic interests, it keeps the pressure off you.
27) Antidote to Suffering
In my lowest moments after the breakup. I had symptoms of clinical depression. I couldn't get out of bed. All I would do is sleep. Some days I would lie in my bed awake riddled with agonizing anxiety. To make things worse my obsessive-compulsive disorder was acting up too. I simply did not have the energy to manage it anymore as I used to. I gave up my will to live a couple of times. I stopped eating and drinking. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to die but I didn't have the energy to commit suicide so I thought it be best to die starving in my bed. Waking up was a pain, going through my days were a pain. One morning a thought occurred to me that gave me the will to live again "I have to save others from this pain and suffering, I can't do that if I am dead. I am going to become the world's greatest therapist and help people with OCD and breakups, I have to live!" From that moment on, I started getting up and eating and drinking water more regularly and then going back to bed to sleep all day. Slowly but surely, I would sleep less on the day and get more things done. I didn't get this thought because I am some Mother Theresa or anything. It was for selfish reasons. I needed a reason to live. I needed meaning for my suffering to survive and withstand it.
The antidote to suffering is finding meaning in it. This is not my wisdom. Its what I learned reading Viktor Frankl's Man's search for meaning. "A man who has a why can endure any how", this famous quote of Nietzsche gives more support to this idea. The meaning of your life must be more specific though. You have to have a meaning and purpose that nobody else other than you can fulfill. You can't just say "I want to help people", sure that is noble but it's not specific enough. You want to help people? But how? There are millions of ways to help people, what's the way you would like to help them? Which way would let you help them the best? My purpose and meaning are helping people with a very specific kind of OCD. Its called Purely obsessional OCD, this ocd has no physical compulsions, only mental ones. A lot of therapists and psychiatrists don't know how to address it properly. I want to change that. I also want to help people going through breakups. Especially dumpees who are anxiously attached. Breakups are extra hard on these types of people. To achieve this goal I am happy to suffer. I will keep on going regardless of how bad and hard it gets.
Find the meaning of your suffering. Do you want to create amazing art that will make people think deeply? Do you want to direct a documentary exposing a problem? Do you just want to make old people at the nursery home smile more? It can be whatever you want it to. Ask yourself, if you would gladly suffer for this purpose? If the answer is 'No', don't pursue that. The agony you are experiencing currently will be more bearable after you start taking steps to find and pursue your meaning.
However, you might be in the team who thinks everything is inherently meaningless. Nothing really matters. There is no meaning in life. There is no meaning in our suffering. All the pain and agony our ancestors went through to build the foundation of this world is meaningless. All the people that suffered without surrendering their morals in the holocaust were wasting their time. All the people that refused to turn in their friends in the face of brutal torture in the gulags made a stupid choice.
All the people that died for a better world wasted their lives because it doesn't mean anything. How about all the people that sacrificed their happiness for the good of humanity? Were their lives meaningless? The only reason we still exist is because of the sacrifices that were made by our ancestors through blood, sweat, and a lot of tears. We are only standing because we are standing on their corpses. Billions of billions of corpses. Is it all meaningless? Are their lives and deaths meaningless? NO! They weren't. It is us, the living that must give their suffering meaning! After we are dead, our future generations will look back to us for their meaning. Therefore I think it is our responsibility to pursue meaning to respect our ancestor's sacrifice. If we don't, it will deem all their suffering meaningless!
A prisoner in Auschwitz was told to get into the gas chamber. At that time it was just a rumor that people died in the showers. Most of the victims didn't know or didn't want to believe that it was true. But somehow this man knew what fate awaited him. He smuggled a piece of paper and wrote "Shema Yisrael" (it's traditional for Jewish people to say this as last words) and stuffed it in his shirt, then he undressed. He walked into the chamber upright and with dignity and before the gas was released his last words were also probably "Shema Yisrael". In this context Shema means "listen", Yisrael means "people (or congregation of Israel)". Its a prayer in Judaism. It's traditional for Jewish people to say this as their last words. But why did this man have to write it in a piece of paper? Couldn't he just have said "Shema Yisrael" before he died? Why did he need to go through all the trouble to smuggle a piece of paper and use his own blood to write this?
He was trying to send a message to humanity as a whole. He was trying to talk to the people that survived. He was trying to talk to us. He was trying to say "Listen people, do you see me? I have been through a lot here. But it didn't ruin my faith in god. Don't lose faith. Don't lose hope. Suffer with dignity." This is how I interpreted it to fit my own narrative. You can do the same. Every time I reach a very low spot mental health-wise and I don't think I can take it anymore. I say to myself, "Shema Yisrael" and remember this man and his message. After I say these words I immediately feel better. It doesn't lower my pain, it increases my ability to withstand it. He found meaning in his death by sending this message to us. I took his message and used it to handle my pain. I am writing this article because of my own pain, if this article helps you. You give meaning to all the pain I been through. Thank you for giving my pain meaning. I hope this breakup teaches you things that you can pass on to someone else so they give meaning to your suffering.
Loved this post? Give my podcast a listen. I go into more depth, share more advice and interesting personal stories. (Its FREE!)
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7zJEZ8VG2Bdz2gDfRY7x61
Anchor: https://anchor.fm/harry-house3/episodes/Brokenheartclub-Episode-1-How-to-recover-from-your-breakup-Everything-you-need-to-know-e5bglu
Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/broken-heart-club-podcast/id1479810240
Youtube: https://youtu.be/BAm58NkS1Ck
Inspiration for this paragraph
- Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
- The Gulag of Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
- The Story Of Civilization by Will and Ariel Durant
- Attack on Titans season 3 episode 16 "Erwin's Speech"
*I will also make individual posts about all the points I made here in the coming weeks.
Book Recommendations:
- How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
- 12 Rules for life by Jordan Peterson
- Subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson
Sources:
Buss, D. M. (2019). Evolutionary psychology: the new science of the mind. New York: Routledge.Cho, J. (2016, July 14).
6 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Mindfulness And Meditation. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeenacho/2016/07/14/10-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-mindfulness-and-meditation/#664308da63ce
Cialdini, R. B. (2014). Influence: science and practice. Harlow, Essex: Pearson.
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: tiny changes. New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
OConnor, R. (2010). Happy at last. New York: St. Martins Griffin.
Winch, G. (2018). How to Fix a Broken Heart. Simon & Schuster.
Zeki, S.(2007), The neurobiology of love, FEBS Letters, 581, doi: 10.1016/j.febslet.2007.03.094
Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Gibbons, J. A., Lee, S. A. and Walker, W. R. (2011), The fading affect bias begins within 12 hours and persists for 3 months. Appl. Cognit. Psychol., 25: 663-672. doi:10.1002/acp.1738
Fisher, H. E. (2017). Anatomy of love.New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
submitted by CognitivelyPositive to helpmecope [link] [comments]


2020.06.30 21:04 CognitivelyPositive Guide to NEVER breaking No Contact (Based on science)

I know you are going through hell right now. You are sad, confused, angry, depressed, and sometimes numb. You go from sad to angry then to numb. Or you are just sad all the time or even just angry all the time. I am here to tell you that whatever emotions you are going through is normal. It is totally normal to feel these painful emotions and even be confused by them. You don't go from grief to anger, you switch around a lot. Your emotions are basically all over the place. Guilt, shame, disappointment, and hopelessness are quite common too. You might be also experiencing panic and anxiety attacks, heartache (literally), episodes of depression, headaches, stomach problems, loss of appetite, insomnia. You can't stop thinking about your Ex and what they have done to you.
To make matters worse, our friends and family aren't being the most helpful. At first, maybe they were supportive. And then later they just started being dismissive to our feelings by saying things like "Just move on already" or "There is a lot of fish in the sea". This causes us to feel like there is something wrong with us, that we should have moved on already. This notion makes us blame ourselves for feeling this pain. I am here to tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you for feeling this way. There is no RIGHT amount of time to take to "move on" and none of it is your fault.
Heartbreak is universal and has existed for more than thousands if not millions of years of our existence (Fisher, 2017). You can trace poems about broken hearts from the ancient Egyptian pyramids to ancient Inuit cave dwellings. Look at the top 100 songs on the billboards right now, the majority are songs about our broken hearts. Where there is love, there will be heartbreak. Your experience is excruciating, but fortunately not unique. Our species has survived and thrived after getting their hearts smashed into bits for thousands of years. So, YOU can too.
You don't feel like yourself. You don't think you will ever be happy again. Fortunately, you are going to be OKAY. It will take a while but you will get back to who you were before. I promise on our broken-hearted ancestors. I prepared this guide so this process is much easier. This guide also outlines the best way to get your ex back, if you want that. These tips are not in chronological order, you do not need to follow them one after another.
1) Acceptance
Maybe you realized before it happened or maybe the break up got you by surprise. Either way, it’s devastating. You hope this is some nightmare and you will get up and everything will get back to normal. But no, this is your reality right now. The relationship is over. It’s okay to be in shock and denial in the first few weeks but eventually, you will just have to accept it. It will be difficult to accept it, but you have to do it to get to the next healing stage. Accept what happened. Denial will only prolong your suffering.
2) Grieve your loss
Cry your heart out, doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl. Start your day with a good cry. It lifts a huge burden and you walk lighter throughout the day. Break up music, pictures of your ex, old texts are all good things to use to start bawling if you are having trouble crying. Angry? Punch a pillow, yell into the pillow! Do whatever it takes to get your anger out, as long as it's not harming anyone else. This grief will come in waves. Some days you might not feel it as much, but some days it hits you hard. That is normal. So cry! Process your emotions, don't hold it in. Holding it in will compound it and it will come out in different ways. There is no timeline for you to process grief. Don't let anybody tell you "In 6 months you will stop crying". Your healing process is YOUR healing process. Take however long. It might also hit you unexpectedly, a year into the healing journey when you think you are doing great then you hear a song you both liked and boom. You are hit with sadness. It does diminish over time so, be patient. The intensity and frequency of "grief attacks" and "anger attacks" lessen over time.
Sometimes we are disappointed not because they left but because they did not fulfill our expectations. Such as getting married to us, having our babies, etc. These dreams can be fulfilled by somebody else. You are not sad because they were the one, you are sad because you THOUGHT they were.
3) Understanding what is going on in your head right now
Humans are social animals. Our survival depended on our ability to forge relationships with others (Buss, 2019). Hence, our brain evolved to instill mechanisms that would help us keep these relationships. So when a prehistoric bear tried to kidnap your mate, you would enter fight or flight mode which would make you jump into action and do everything to save them. As you heard the cries of your mate, your cortisol would shoot through the roof, adrenaline and norepinephrine would pump into your body which helps you to run faster, fight harder and feel less pain. These chemicals motivate you to take massive action. You might scream at the bear while chucking rocks at his head or run back to the village super fast and call for backup. Were they always successful in warding the bear off? Nope, but they were successful enough to pass this evolutionary advantageous trait to us since our ancestors who did not possess this trait died off. Therefore it would make sense if you have an eerily similar reaction if some random guy in a trench coat tried to kidnap your little brother. Unfortunately, for people going through a breakup, this mechanism gets triggered since a relationship is potentially ending and our brain is freaking the fuck out. This mechanism might make us call them a 100 times, scream at them, make big romantic gestures, hold on to their leg while they are trying to walk away (metaphorically or even LITERALLY). We try reasoning with them, we try everything to get them back to calm our head but it doesn't work. (Will get into why it doesn't work later on). Even if it does work, it does not last long. This fight or flight response persists because we failed to keep our relationship. Our body is riddled with agonizing anxiety all day because those stress chemicals I mentioned earlier are still doing their magic on your system. This may persist, days or even months. This phase won't last forever. You just need to make sure to not do anything stupid, you know like CALLING THEM A 100 TIMES but even if did do something stupid. Don't be too hard on yourself.
4) Be patient
I know hurts. It's horrible. It is going to be like this for a bit but you will get better eventually. People don't take 2 weeks to 'Get over it'. Be patient, trust the process.
5) Cut off all contact, go No contact (For your own healing)
Don't text them, don't call them, don't snap them, don't like their photos, don't do anything to contact them, don't even try to send a pigeon. If they message or call you, let them know straight up that if they want to try the relationship again they can call or text you. Otherwise, tell them not to contact you under any circumstances. No need to be mean, do it politely. "If you ever want to give another try with our relationship, only then contact me. Otherwise refrain from contacting me. I want some space, thank you." Why are we being so cruel?
Love activates all your happy chemicals. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin (Zeki, 2007). When the person dumps you, they cut you off all these happy chemicals causing massive withdrawal symptoms. Interestingly people going through a drug withdrawal show the exact same symptoms (Fisher, 2017). Why? Because love is the ultimate drug and you are addicted.
Your brain is addicted to your ex. To cure this addiction you have to go cold turkey. Will it be dreadful? YES. Is it necessary? Yes. You might think keeping in contact as friends will cushion the blow. In the long term, it will be more painful to be their friend because you will see them moving on without you. Talking to them is like re-opening a wound over and over again.
This is actually the hardest part since you are literally fighting against your basic human instinct I talked about earlier that prevents the loss of a loved one. Your brain is screaming at you "WE NEED TO GET THEM BACK! CALL THEM, TEXT THEM etc". Once we fear we are losing a loved one our brain will try to do everything to get them back. If a bear was running off with them, then it would have helped but in this case, reaching out to them will further push them back. They want some space from you right now.
This includes stalking them on social media, don't do it. It complicates your healing since you are reopening a wound over and over again. Easier said than done though. If you really struggle with this, maybe try to ween off it slowly. Let yourself see their fb twice a week at first, then twice in two weeks etc. Slowly ween off doing it at all. I suggest unfollowing them at least.
Coincidentally, No Contact is the same move to make if you want to win them back. It is a double-edged sword. Whether you want them back or heal your heart OR BOTH. Your best move is to go No Contact.
6) Using No Contact to get them back
You might be wondering that if you do no contact, they might actually forget about you and move on. WRONG! How many times do you think about water a day? Not a lot. Lets just imagine that your house runs out of water, the whole city runs out of water. All you can think about now is water. You are thirsty, you want to take a shower, you want to cook....the lack of water has forced you to think of it. Its the scarcity effect, we long for things that are scarce more than we long for things that are plenty (Cialdini, 2014). Hence, no contact makes your ex think about you way more than they would have if you kept badgering them. You need to be completely out of the picture for them to miss you. They must feel your void.
You might feel that begging them to come back would work, it won't. They have already made the decision to leave you and prepared for you to react like this. You think you can reason with them to take you back. You can't. Because right now they aren't emotionally neutral enough to hear any logical arguments.
Why can't you convince them? Its because they have made a decision already. Humans want to stay consistent with their decisions due to the consistency principle (Cialdini, 2014). The decision to break up is not made logically, its made emotionally, hence using logic to reason with them is useless.
Hence, you can't change their mind right now. The only person that can change their minds is themselves. You help them do that by going No Contact.
Show yourself that you respect yourself enough to NOT chase after someone who left you. Neediness is unattractive, show your ex that you don't need them. Here are more reasons to not chase them.
- When they broke up with you, they expected you to still be in the sidelines as a friend or something. So they don't have to fear losing you. Well, don't give them what they expect, leave the situation. Vanish out of her life completely. So they start actually fearing that they might lose you. Fear of loss is a great motivation for action in humans since we are loss averse (Kahneman, 2011). This will make it more likely they will want to get back with you.
- You not being in their loop anymore, causes them to get curious about you. After curiosity comes attraction. When their attraction towards you has reached a level, they will contact you.
- They actually start respecting you since they assumed you were going to beg and plead. Respect is essential for attraction.
- Over time, they will forget all the negative things about you and the situation that made them break up with you. Negative memories lose their intensity faster than positive ones. As more time passes, you will look better due to the faded affect bias (Gibbons, 2011)
7) How to actually do "No contact"
When my ex broke up with me I could not believe what was happening. This was the closest thing to hell I have ever experienced. I have been hit hard by life many times. But this punch, it nearly killed me. Nothing could ever prepare me for this. It was absolute agony. I would go to sleep and start dreaming about being together with her. I would wake up and realize the reality of the situation and start bawling like a mad man (thats a positive though, you should cry it out). All my dreams I had with her were all shattered. I didn't know what to do. The life I planned with her is nothing but a sad memory now. I started researching and went down the rabbit hole of "Win your ex back". I found out about the no contact policy and started doing it.
The first seven days were brutal. The only thing I told myself was "Just survive the first 7 days". Every inch of my body wanted to reach out to her. To beg her to come back. I knew it wouldn't work. So through sheer will and determination, I didn't reach out to her. As I explained before, my brain was in fight or flight. I was also suffering from withdrawal symptoms of love. I just told myself, "Survive 7 days". That is all I did. I survived 7 days at a time. Maybe you can only survive 1 day at a time. Do that! Tell yourself that "Okay okay, I will contact them in a month". Then when a month rolls by "Okay, next month I will contact her". Then when the next month rolls by tell yourself "Okay, I will contact her in the next 3 months". The trick is to lie to yourself that you will contact them eventually but you never will. (That includes not contacting them on birthdays, holidays, valentine's day, death of a loved one etc). People that join the '12 steps program', are not told to NEVER drink again. That is putting the goal post way out of your reach. The addicts are instructed to NOT drink one day at a time, then a week, then a month, then a year, and then finally for a lifetime.
Another trick I used was to believe that if I did contact them. I would push them farther back and lose them forever. Which is true, breaking no contact will lower your chances of getting them back.
Another trick I used was the progress meter. For every month I took a piece of A4 size paper and drew 30 squares (Each square represents a day). I hung it on my bedroom wall. After each day was over I would put a tick mark on one of the 30 boxes. The tick mark is meant to signify that I have finished another day while following no contact. Once you complete 7 days, it looks really nice, like you have completed a streak. Keeping your streak can be a huge motivator for not breaking no contact (Clear, 2018). It gives you a sense of accomplishment and keeps you on track, you will think twice before breaking your streak. After you tick marked all 30 days, take yourself out for a date, and treat yourself. Then hang up another A4 size paper and keep repeating the process. One day you will tell yourself, "I really don't care anymore to tick mark a box for not contacting my ex", that's the day you can stop. You will stop when you become completely indifferent. The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference.
This will no doubt be the hardest thing you have ever done. You are fighting against your basic human instincts (to connect and reunite) that has been instilled into us since the beginning of time.. You are fighting the neurological mechanism that was set in place to KEEP your loved ones. Hence, the difficulty.
Bonus trick to keep doing no contact (Might not be the healthiest way, but it works). Use only if you are really struggling with no contact. You need to get into the devil mindset.
Realize they have stabbed you through the heart. You are in pain because of them. Time for you to strike back. The best way for them to feel the pain and consequences of losing you is to keep NOT contacting them. Put them in a state of doubt about their decision by not reaching out to them. Let them feel the pain. Remember, if you break no contact. You will stop their pain but we don't want that, do we? In the first few months, they will be fine but slowly they will start feeling the hurt. Is this mindset petty? Yes. But it is way better than contacting them and ruining the chances of healing and/or getting them back. Your last words before starting no-contact should be kind, not anything mean. If you insult or demean them, you will come off as immature and petty. Making them less doubtful about their decision.
For true healing, your no-contact needs to come from a healthier place. After a period, abandon this "devil mindset", see your ex with compassionate curiosity and forgive them. The last thing they wanted to do was to hurt you but there was no other way.
8) Why you should reject their offer of friendship
Sometimes the dumper doesn't want to be so cruel so they try to be your friend. To reduce their guilt and reduce their pain of losing you. Don't give them that. Let them feel the pain of losing you. If you want them back or if you want to move on, the best way is to let them go. They need to miss you, to want you again. The dumper has all the power in this breakup, since they are rejecting you. Take back a little of that power by rejecting their offer of friendship. Do you really want to see them dating new people and asking for your advice? You might think that if you are around her she won't move on and she will realize what an amazing person you are and get back with you. WRONG! What ends up happening is they start categorizing you as a friend rather than a romantic interest. Let's avoid that. You need to let them know that if they want to get back into your life. They can only get back as a romantic interest. Nothing less, nothing more.
9) Stop trying to find the "Real" reason for the breakup
You are going through every conversation you had with her. You are analyzing her texts, you are asking your friends "Could she have left because I didn't share my custard with her on our 12th date ?" You feel like you are Sherlock Holmes, figuring out clues that will lead you to the "real" reason. In reality, they don't even know why they broke up with you. They have an idea of why, but the reason is more emotional than logical so they can't give you a really good reason. I get it, you want closure. The only person that can give you closure is you! Think, think hard why they left you. Write it down on a piece of paper and just learn to accept it. General incompatibility? Poor communication? Lack of time spent? Circumstance? Mental health issues? What do YOU think the reason was? What does your heart tell you? Mystery solved. Remember, if you do reach out to them and try to get closure, no matter what they tell you. It will never be enough.
10) Don't blame yourself
We tend to blame ourselves and our imperfections for the breakup. This person didn't just reject you, they rejected you after knowing you inside out. That is why it hurts so much. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you! Yes, you aren't perfect. You have your flaws. You deserve someone that stays with you regardless of your flaws, not someone who refuses to work on them with you. Sometimes people break up because of the circumstances. It has nothing to do with you. It might just be a bad time and place. All that being said, you deserve someone that makes every excuse to be with you. Not someone who makes every excuse to NOT be with you. Life is hard and complicated, relationships aren't ideal all the time. It's easy to stay in a relationship during the good times, but hard to stay in it in the bad times. The bad times are the times that show you if the other person is worth it or not.
11) Don't idealize your Ex and put them on a pedestal
Drug addicts in withdrawal often highlight only the positives of the drug they were addicted to (Winch, 2018). They conveniently forget how that drug turned their life upside down. People who got dumped do that too. I am not saying your ex turned your life upside down but they weren't perfect. Write down their flaws and things that annoyed you on a piece of paper. Write down what may have attracted you to them but later made you feel like shit. For example, you might have liked the fact they were dominant, but later on it just felt like they were very controlling. When you think about her again, focus on her flaws.
Them dumping you might intensify your feelings towards them. This feeling is not based entirely on love, it's based on adversity. Scientists made a monkey expect treats at a certain time. When they stopped giving them the treat to study its effect on dopamine in their brain. The monkeys thrashed around in fury. Nothing odd about that, but the odd thing was the monkey's brain produced more dopamine when the monkey did NOT get the treat. This extra dopamine meant that the monkey's want for the treat increased when he did not get his treat that he expected. This is called Frustration Attraction (Fisher). We long for things way more when we expect it but don't get it. You expected your ex to be in your life, them not being there anymore made you want them even more. Your love did not increase. This is frustration attraction in play. Don't confuse this with genuine attraction.
12) Don't change your life to avoid pain
Don't avoid the restaurants you used to go to. Don't avoid the activities you used to do together. Yes, when you go to the restaurant you used to go to together might be painful at first. But after a few times, you bring your friends there or even a new date there. Your brain starts creating new memories with that restaurant and the new memories override the old memories and you feel much better. Sure, it was where you and your ex used to have tea but now its where you and your friends spill the tea. You guys used to do yoga together? Try doing it alone or with someone else. Obviously don't resume activities just after the breakup but eventually get to that point.
13) Get rid of the reminders of them
Your ex already occupies your mind a lot. let's not let them haunt you physically too. If they have given you gifts, love letters, old pictures of them etc. We need to remove them. Yes, for the time being at least. Keep them in a box and shove it down a room or place you don't go to. *However these old mementos are very useful to induce crying. I used my ex's love letter to cry my heart out, I read it over and over. Then one day it wasn't really helping me cry, so I decided to get rid of it. Yes, I burned it. It felt pretty awesome and cathartic. So do get rid of these old mementos eventually, no rush. Holding onto vivid reminders of them does not let your wound heal properly. Getting rid of them signals your brain to let go. Its a short term sacrifice for a long term gain. A lot of people report an immediate boost in mood after they purged the physical reminders (Winch, 2018). This also includes their photos on your phone. YES, even the nudes. Let it go.
14) Be compassionate to yourself
Develop a non-judgmental inner voice that is actually kind to you. Instead of beating yourself up with insults, talk to yourself kinder. If you have a thought like "I can't even open a ketchup bottle easily, I am such a dumbass...no wonder she left me", counter this thought with "I am only human and these ketchup bottles are really complex these days, I am not a dumbass.". Respond to the mistakes you make with compassion. Write down all the bad things you say to yourself in a day and look at it. Think about it. Would you ever tell a good friend these things? No. Then don't tell them to yourself.
15) Fill the void with Self Improvement
Now you feel like there is a huge void in your life. Your ex might have been a big part of your life. Fill that void up by adopting a new hobby, learning a new skill, or any passion of yours you wanted to always try but didn't have the time to. Don't fret if you don't have a hobby or a new skill to learn. The journey to finding these things is an awesome adventure on its own. It took me a long while to realize that I really love human psychology and self-improvement books. Read! READ! Increase your knowledge and unlock your full potential. Commit yourself to become a better person. So you don't make the same mistakes you did in your last relationship. Life is about growth but that can't happen without failure. A child doesn't learn how to walk without falling a hundred times first. I will have a recommended book list at the end of the article.
16) Don't "Get busy" to avoid thinking about them
All you are doing is delaying your pain by distracting yourself from thinking about them. Let the thoughts about them come. If you can't cry. Close your eyes and focus on the pain. Be with the body, don't judge the pain. Just notice it. Keep noticing it, till it goes away. That is how you process your pain to go through you and not get buried.
17) Battle the obsession of your ex with mindful meditation
Every waking moment of your day is filled by ruminating about your ex. You will think about them 24/7 for a while. No need to panic. It's totally normal. One thing that can help you do this less is mindful meditation. Mindful meditation is linked to a million other benefits for your physical and mental health, so it's a no brainer (Cho, 2016). You also need to understand that it takes a while for you to get the hang of it. Try using the headspace app's trial feature to learn how to do it.
18) Talk to a professional (therapist)
A break up is a tumultuous time for anyone. Hence seeking professional help isn't the worst idea. When someone breaks up with us, we don't just grieve for our ex. We start grieving for every attachment trauma we ever endured in our lives. Grief is like picking up a paper clip that is connected to other paper clips. You can't grief for your ex alone, you will unconsciously end up grieving about all your attachment trauma. A good therapist can help you through that process.
19) Rely on all your social support systems
Feeling sad? Reach out to friends and family to vent. Sometimes just straight up tell them that you just want to vent and don't want their advice. Your loved ones are here for you to utilize them. But do give them breaks from venting here and there. They are human and they sometimes can get tired of your break up story.
20) Rebuild your identity
When we are in a relationship we tend to merge our identities with our other half. That is why we feel so lost when they leave us. We are so used to having them as our "better" half's that we forget who we were when we never met them in the first place. Maybe you gave up a hobby or activity when you were dating them to have more time with them. Now is the best time to reclaim that part of yourself that you lost when you guys were dating. It is also the best time to figure out who you are and what you truly want. If you always wanted to travel and live in some country for a few months but you couldn't because you were in a committed relationship, now is the perfect opportunity to do so. You aren't tethered by anyone, fly free.
21) Get some physical exercise
Well, the first few months of the breakup I guess its okay if you don't work out at all since you might be too depressed to get out of bed or have any motivation to do anything (I couldn't get up for two months, some other people were fine after a week. So heal in your own time, again there is no timeline to grieve). But eventually, I want you to start exercising regularly to pump your brain with all those feel-good chemicals. 15 to 30 min a day is a good start, hell even just 5 min is great. You can try yoga too if working out isn't your thing. Becoming a bit sexier in the process is a pretty good bonus too.
22) Write letters to them but don't actually send it to them
Write however many letters you want. Write whatever you want to write. Whatever you ever wanted to say to them. Go ahead and say it in the letter. Pour your heart out, leave nothing unsaid. I personally used tape recorders rather than letters. I got too lazy and used the voice recorder on my phone to have a "pretend" one-sided conversation. It felt really good afterward. It cleared my head and gave me a bit of closure. But eventually, burn these letters and delete these recordings by also "Thanking them and forgiving them" in your own words. Every time you burn a letter, thank them and forgive them. You don't need to hold this grudge your whole life, it's not good for you. Forgiving is not for them, its for your own healing. No matter what they did, you have to be able to forgive them eventually. In your own time! There is no time limit. Remember to forgive yourself too for the mistakes you might have made, you are only human after all.
23) Start Journaling
At the end of everyday write or (record your feelings). It helps you process your feelings better. Write about how you feel. Are you feeling sad? Angry? Confused? Putting them down on paper takes a bit of the emotional intensity off you. The first few months you should journal every day but as time goes on, decrease your frequency. After a 3 or 6 month period read your early journal entries and compare them to your most recent journal entries and you will notice how much better you are doing, which will give you a much-needed boost to healing.
24) Start a gratitude journal
Yes, I bet you heard that a million times already. It does increase your happiness quotient (Connor, 2010). Make a habit of listing three things you are grateful for before you go to sleep. When you say these things actually feel it and let the joy of that thing warm you up. It could be as little thing as the dinner you had that day or it could be something really special such as being grateful for your parents.
25) Set ambitious new goals for your life
Is there something you always wanted to do or be? Set your horizons on it and start chasing your new hopes and dreams.
26) Start Dating again
You would eventually want to start dating again. Have fun with your single life. Have some exciting romantic encounters with some girl on vacation. Flirt with that handsome guy at the bar. Have fun, enjoy yourself. Take it slow and be wary of any early red flags. Trust your gut. Maybe you knew your ex was an alcoholic but still went out with him. Don't make the same mistakes you made last time. But if you want to stay single for a while, that is okay too. Do you, there is no right or wrong here. Think of dating as a source of possible romantic interests, it keeps the pressure off you.
27) Antidote to Suffering
In my lowest moments after the breakup. I had symptoms of clinical depression. I couldn't get out of bed. All I would do is sleep. Some days I would lie in my bed awake riddled with agonizing anxiety. To make things worse my obsessive-compulsive disorder was acting up too. I simply did not have the energy to manage it anymore as I used to. I gave up my will to live a couple of times. I stopped eating and drinking. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to die but I didn't have the energy to commit suicide so I thought it be best to die starving in my bed. Waking up was a pain, going through my days were a pain. One morning a thought occurred to me that gave me the will to live again "I have to save others from this pain and suffering, I can't do that if I am dead. I am going to become the world's greatest therapist and help people with OCD and breakups, I have to live!" From that moment on, I started getting up and eating and drinking water more regularly and then going back to bed to sleep all day. Slowly but surely, I would sleep less on the day and get more things done. I didn't get this thought because I am some Mother Theresa or anything. It was for selfish reasons. I needed a reason to live. I needed meaning for my suffering to survive and withstand it.
The antidote to suffering is finding meaning in it. This is not my wisdom. Its what I learned reading Viktor Frankl's Man's search for meaning. "A man who has a why can endure any how", this famous quote of Nietzsche gives more support to this idea. The meaning of your life must be more specific though. You have to have a meaning and purpose that nobody else other than you can fulfill. You can't just say "I want to help people", sure that is noble but it's not specific enough. You want to help people? But how? There are millions of ways to help people, what's the way you would like to help them? Which way would let you help them the best? My purpose and meaning are helping people with a very specific kind of OCD. Its called Purely obsessional OCD, this ocd has no physical compulsions, only mental ones. A lot of therapists and psychiatrists don't know how to address it properly. I want to change that. I also want to help people going through breakups. Especially dumpees who are anxiously attached. Breakups are extra hard on these types of people. To achieve this goal I am happy to suffer. I will keep on going regardless of how bad and hard it gets.
Find the meaning of your suffering. Do you want to create amazing art that will make people think deeply? Do you want to direct a documentary exposing a problem? Do you just want to make old people at the nursery home smile more? It can be whatever you want it to. Ask yourself, if you would gladly suffer for this purpose? If the answer is 'No', don't pursue that. The agony you are experiencing currently will be more bearable after you start taking steps to find and pursue your meaning.
However, you might be in the team who thinks everything is inherently meaningless. Nothing really matters. There is no meaning in life. There is no meaning in our suffering. All the pain and agony our ancestors went through to build the foundation of this world is meaningless. All the people that suffered without surrendering their morals in the holocaust were wasting their time. All the people that refused to turn in their friends in the face of brutal torture in the gulags made a stupid choice.
All the people that died for a better world wasted their lives because it doesn't mean anything. How about all the people that sacrificed their happiness for the good of humanity? Were their lives meaningless? The only reason we still exist is because of the sacrifices that were made by our ancestors through blood, sweat, and a lot of tears. We are only standing because we are standing on their corpses. Billions of billions of corpses. Is it all meaningless? Are their lives and deaths meaningless? NO! They weren't. It is us, the living that must give their suffering meaning! After we are dead, our future generations will look back to us for their meaning. Therefore I think it is our responsibility to pursue meaning to respect our ancestor's sacrifice. If we don't, it will deem all their suffering meaningless!
A prisoner in Auschwitz was told to get into the gas chamber. At that time it was just a rumor that people died in the showers. Most of the victims didn't know or didn't want to believe that it was true. But somehow this man knew what fate awaited him. He smuggled a piece of paper and wrote "Shema Yisrael" (it's traditional for Jewish people to say this as last words) and stuffed it in his shirt, then he undressed. He walked into the chamber upright and with dignity and before the gas was released his last words were also probably "Shema Yisrael". In this context Shema means "listen", Yisrael means "people (or congregation of Israel)". Its a prayer in Judaism. It's traditional for Jewish people to say this as their last words. But why did this man have to write it in a piece of paper? Couldn't he just have said "Shema Yisrael" before he died? Why did he need to go through all the trouble to smuggle a piece of paper and use his own blood to write this?
He was trying to send a message to humanity as a whole. He was trying to talk to the people that survived. He was trying to talk to us. He was trying to say "Listen people, do you see me? I have been through a lot here. But it didn't ruin my faith in god. Don't lose faith. Don't lose hope. Suffer with dignity." This is how I interpreted it to fit my own narrative. You can do the same. Every time I reach a very low spot mental health-wise and I don't think I can take it anymore. I say to myself, "Shema Yisrael" and remember this man and his message. After I say these words I immediately feel better. It doesn't lower my pain, it increases my ability to withstand it. He found meaning in his death by sending this message to us. I took his message and used it to handle my pain. I am writing this article because of my own pain, if this article helps you. You give meaning to all the pain I been through. Thank you for giving my pain meaning. I hope this breakup teaches you things that you can pass on to someone else so they give meaning to your suffering.
Loved this post? Give my podcast a listen. I go into more depth, share more advice and interesting personal stories. (Its FREE!)
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7zJEZ8VG2Bdz2gDfRY7x61
Anchor: https://anchor.fm/harry-house3/episodes/Brokenheartclub-Episode-1-How-to-recover-from-your-breakup-Everything-you-need-to-know-e5bglu
Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/broken-heart-club-podcast/id1479810240
Youtube: https://youtu.be/BAm58NkS1Ck
Inspiration for this paragraph
- Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
- The Gulag of Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
- The Story Of Civilization by Will and Ariel Durant
- Attack on Titans season 3 episode 16 "Erwin's Speech"
*I will also make individual posts about all the points I made here in the coming weeks.
Book Recommendations:
- How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins
- 12 Rules for life by Jordan Peterson
- Subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson
Sources:
Buss, D. M. (2019). Evolutionary psychology: the new science of the mind. New York: Routledge.Cho, J. (2016, July 14).
6 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Mindfulness And Meditation. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeenacho/2016/07/14/10-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-mindfulness-and-meditation/#664308da63ce
Cialdini, R. B. (2014). Influence: science and practice. Harlow, Essex: Pearson.
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: tiny changes. New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
OConnor, R. (2010). Happy at last. New York: St. Martins Griffin.
Winch, G. (2018). How to Fix a Broken Heart. Simon & Schuster.
Zeki, S.(2007), The neurobiology of love, FEBS Letters, 581, doi: 10.1016/j.febslet.2007.03.094
Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Gibbons, J. A., Lee, S. A. and Walker, W. R. (2011), The fading affect bias begins within 12 hours and persists for 3 months. Appl. Cognit. Psychol., 25: 663-672. doi:10.1002/acp.1738
Fisher, H. E. (2017). Anatomy of love.New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
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