Feb 14, 2016 - Explore Chris Uelmen's board 'Napoleon Dynamite... Funny' on Pinterest. See more ideas about Napoleon dynamite, Napoleon, Funny. Napoleon Dynamite, the movie, is a weird and often hilariously funny movie, and the same can be said about Napoleon Dynamite, the person, thanks to Jon Heder’s entertaining performance. The lack ... Napoleon Dynamite: The worst day of my life, what do you think? 5 Deb: What are you drawing? Napoleon Dynamite: A liger. Deb: What’s a liger? Napoleon Dynamite: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic. 6 Napoleon Dynamite: [referring to Deb’s milk] I see you’re drinking 1%. Explore a few of the quotes from the movie Napoleon Dynamite that made it one of the most quotable movies and have kept it so memorable. Menu. Home. Napoleon Dynamite Quotes. Search. Search the site GO. Liveabout. Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts Fashion & Style Love and Romance Gaming Hobbies Activities Humor ... Napoleon Dynamite Quotes For All Of Us Nerds At Heart. This classic film didn’t have to cost a boatload for it to make an impact. In fact, this film only cost $400,000 to make and wound up grossing $44.5 million. Perhaps it was all of the memorable and hilarious Napoleon Dynamite quotes that helped make it such a huge hit. Or maybe it was ... Napoleon Dynamite, the movie, captures a snapshot in the life of a high schooler strangely named 'Napoleon Dynamite' and he and his friends exploits. The movie features a cast that is both quirky and strange including a dune-buggy and llama enthusiast grandmother, an overbearing, glory-days obsessed uncle, and a Mexican friend named Pedro. The plot…
My friends said that I need to watch the hole series to get the humor and that watching individual episodes with them doesn’t get me the full enjoyment. That would make the show worse if I have to watch every episode once to get the humor when I watch it again. That makes it too much effort for not enough pleasure. Was the origination if that’s what she said jokes? I really don’t know. I don’t really like how it’s worshipped even though it doesn’t even have a story. It’s like Napoleon dynamite, a sequence of events and stupid humor most of the time.
And by as close as it gets, i mean no lovey-dovey, blabediblabla stuff, but the same (kind of) awesome awkward, random, wtf, subtle humor with a nice set of characters and not an awful lot of females in lead roles (ND had what...2, 3 females that played rather subtle roles, but they were good at it,to be honest. not too much, not too little).
I see Gentlemen Broncos being named as a good candidate, but are there other movie suggestions?
Also, no, im not disrespecting females or anything like that. Im just trying to find movies similar to Napoleon Dynamite, if possible... Pardon if i came out too offensive. I mean no harm.
Dad's been having a rough time trying to find games to play and god forbid he goes back to Overwatch. So I compiled a list of games that he might be interested in streaming. I'm aware there's a sticky but I felt this should be it's own post, considering its length.
- A combination resource management and base building with large-scale, squad-based battles across vast battlefields RTS based in medieval Europe. A bit like a RTS Bannerlord
Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey
- A open world survival game where you explore, expand, and evolve to advance your clan of ape people to the next generation. Planned to release this year.
Age of Empires II
- A staple of the RTS genre. Build your empire and conquer your foes.
- Terraform, build, explore, colonize, you are the astroneer. This game has go the works and is probably the most polished and fun space exploration/building game of the bunch.
- Hire a team of archeologists, plan expeditions, and of course, turn a profit.
Attack of the Earthlings
- XCOM if humans were the invaders, pretty amusing.
Baldurs Gate 1 & 2
- Considered one of the all-time best RPG series with 3rd one on the way
- Wall-E is tasked with defending the last human child after the rest died from obesity. Mine, build, and set up layers of traps in attempt to keep it safe.
Beholder 1 & 2
- A stylized 2D strategy game where you play a landlord spying on your tenants for a totalitarian state; what happens depends on your choices.
- Big pharma makes big money off big women. No? A tycoon where you research, produce, and distribute medicine.
- An open world game by Rockstar about being a bully. Time to get kicked out of class... again.
- Build a colony of block dudes to defend it. Some of the other guys were playing this, not sure if it's on dad's radar so thought I'd mention it. Early access.
- Hard not to have heard all the hype for this game, something to look forward to.
- An intense survival-horror game that utilizes a well crafted atmosphere instead of jumpscares. One of a kind if you're in the mood for such a game.
Dawn of Man
- Command a settlement of ancient humans, guide them through the ages in their struggle for survival.
- Play a detective with a unique skill system in this unique open world RPG.
Dead Rising 2: Off the Record
- Join Frank West in his quest to collect PP points inside the Uranus Zone in this zombie killing sandbox.
- This is the worst and yet somehow the best game. Terrible production, terrible port, needs a patch to even run, but there's just something about it.
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
- Take control of Jensen, an augmented ex-swat specialist and uncover quite the sinister plot. Does a pretty good job as a sequel to the original Deus Ex
but the follow up
got the modern video game industry treatment. Pretty similar to the Dishonored series if you enjoyed those.
Dragon Age: Origins
- Lay down the moves on babes in the age of dragons, originally. One of the staples of the RPG genre if you haven't played it already.
- Build, automate, and defend a flying city in the apocalypse. Not out yet.
- A non-traditional take on the classic point and click adventure formula starring the game’s perpetually carefree namesake clown, Dropsy.
Drug Dealer Simulator
- An weed.
- An inspiration for many newer games, such as Rimworld. Soon to be released on Steam with a graphics update.
- Unlock safe-houses, save civilians, pop zombie melons, and do hardcore parkour. With a second one on the way
, if you liked the Dead Island games this'll be a blast.
- Time to simulate sticking a fork in a power socket. Coming soon.
- A promising isometric RPG that features physics based combat that's still in early access.
Evil Genius 2
- Evil Genius was a unique take on the dungeon management games. While the original
is outdated the second installment is soon to release, promising good times for all.
- A remaster of the first Fable game. One of the greats, too bad the second one isn't on PC.
- Scavenge garbage for your oceanic garbage town. Early access.
- A tycoon about manufacturing robots and automating lines of production.
- Explore uncharted lands and forgede it's destiny with diplomacy, deception, and force.
- An action RPG similar to Diablo or Path of Exile but geared toward single player or co-op.
- A city builder RTS in which you can build up a powerful realm and rule the lands with an iron grip, or establish a humble fishermen village, create a trading empire, found a raider's camp, and become a host of a wizard's manor.
- A mystery adventure with stylized 2D graphics in which someone stole your rock, how very sinister.
- How will the whacker whack people off in this assassination sandbox? Opens up after you unlock more weapons.
In Other Waters
- Take control of an AI and help your human explore the depths of an alien planet. Plan your dives and catalogue all new species to classify a whole new ecosystem.
It Lurks Below
- Diablo meets Terraria, crawl dungeons and return to the surface to expand your town and sell your gear.
Kentucky Route Zero
- An adventure game about a secret highway running through the caves beneath Kentucky, and the mysterious folks who travel it.
- Get together a band of filthy peasants, start a meth lab, and get beaten within an inch of your life repeatedly. This game will kick your ass if your don't save scum but it's not as convoluted as it first appears. Recommendation: train up you characters athletics in a safe place before adventuring too far, bandits can't slap your ass if they can't catch your ass. Getting some QoL mods is advised.
Kingdoms and Castles
- Build your kingdoms, build your castles. It's Kingdoms and Castles. A city buildemanagement/defense game. Out of early access.
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
- This is a somewhat obscure RPG with a generic setting, a ton of content, fun combat, and interesting character progression.
Kingdom Under Fire: The Crusaders
- Lead campaigns, issue orders, hack through enemies, and upgrade your forces through the spoils of war. If you like the idea of taking Bannerlord combat to the extreme this might be for you.
- A village life sim like Stardew Valley. But in this one you can do the dirty deed, have kids, and even run a shop! Unfortunately, I don't think there are any egg hunts. Early access.
- A MMO where you survive and make land ships. Looks interesting but probably not good yet. Early access.
- A village life sim, with quite a bit of customization. Early access.
- Dingaling Productions brings you, LISA, a sidescrolling RPG and a life ruining gaming experience. Thanks to this post
for reminding me of this game and detailing why dad should play it.
- Got wood? Get more wood and start your wood empire Coming soon.
- An aquarium tycoon. Yep.
Master of Pottery
- Unwind with some pottery and a ramble, sounds good, no? Dad might need this if he goes back to Tarkov.
Metal Gear Solid V
- Big money, Big Women, Big Boss. You can build an animal reservation and kidnap people by attaching them to balloons. If you're a fan of open ended gameplay and getting upgrades this is highly recommended.
Metro 2033, Last Light, & Exodus
- An immersive story-driven FPS set in post-apocalyptic Moscow where humanity survived in the Metro and mutants roam the ruins.
- Another PVE survival game but with some mist. Looks like it has potential. Very early access.
Mutant Year Zero: Road to Eden
- Take control of a team of mutants and explore post-human earth and engage in XCOM-like combat.
- Search for the cure for a cursed plague ravaging the city of Neverwinter in this classic isometric RPG.
No Man's Sky
- It was garbage on release but they came back and are actively updating it into an actual game with base building and all sorts of cool crap. The core gameplay loop hasn't changed though. Could be worth getting into.
- Colony management similar to Rimworld and Dwarf Fortress. In early access.
- An open world mystery about a solar system trapped in an endless time loop. Sure this has already been mentioned.
- A rags to riches survival RPG with a lot of exploring. Can't say much about it but sounds like it might tick some boxes.
Overlord 1 & 2
- As an overlord, command your horde of minions to do your evil bidding. A humorous puzzle-adventure game, it's a bit dated but unique enough that it's still worth taking for a spin.
- Play as the handsome mutant, Paradigm, whose past comes back to haunt him in the form of a genetically engineered sloth that vomits candy in this quality point and click adventure.
- Seems to be the Sims but with more building possibilities. Release TBA.
- RIP Jurassic World, RIP Planet Zoo. Now it's time to open the door and get on the floor and do the parkasaur. Early access.
- A theme park tycoon that's closer to the original roller coaster tycoon titles. It might not have all the different rocks planet coaster has but... well, really the lack of rocks is inexcusable. Finally out of early access.
Planetary Annihilation: TITANS
- An RTS about making huge fuckin' robots. Comparable to but not as good as Supreme Commander.
- I've remembered something, this game is great. The graphics might be dated and the combat hasn't aged well either but the story is among the best.
Production Line: Car Factory Simulation
- The title should give it away really.
- Construct and manage your very own highrise, wow.
- A hospital tycoon, seemingly more in depth than Two Point hospital.
- This game has a few bullshit mechanics that you'd need to guzzle the wiki to find out but it's pretty good despite that. Still being worked on with a major update getting close. Lacks much of an end game but getting a base set up is fun.
- A unique narrative driven RTS where you give commands over to platoons over your radio and have to make your moves based off what you can gather about the situation from voice reports.
- Time to play with your train set, dad.
- Build, navigate, dive, and survive on your raft. Early access.
Return of the Obra Dinn
- A first-person mystery adventure based on exploration and logical deduction.
Rise of Industry
- Become a 20th century industrialist and either make or break bank.
Rise to Ruins
- Colony management, god game, and tower defense rolled into a neat package.
Rover Mechanic Simulator
- Repair and maintain Mars rovers. Early access.
Samorost 2 & 3
- Play as a curious gnome with a magic flute traveling across space, solving puzzles, and meeting all sorts of creatures. The other games by this dev are good too.
- Evolve your hunter gatherer tribe through thousands of years of technological advancement in this first person city builder. Planned for 2021.
- A realistic survival game that just really wants you to work out. Looks promising but currently lacks a lot of features that make anything but PvP much fun since its early access.
Shadow Tactics: Shogun
- Take control of a team of deadly specialists in this tactical stealth game set in Japan around the Edo period.
- Drive vehicles to their destination in extreme conditions.
Snowtopia: Ski Resort Tycoon
- Planned to come out in EA this year.
- A sci-fi walking sim set below the waves of the Atlantic ocean. A bit scary but has a good story.
- An upcoming title with a dated, but unique original. Somewhere between a tycoon and dungeon management.
- A sandbox game about engineering, construction, exploration and survival in space. You can build space ships, space stations, planetary outposts of various sizes and uses, pilot ships and travel through space to explore planets and gather resources to survive. A bit of a wikiguzzler last I played it.
State of Decay: Year One
- A game about getting together a party of survivors and starting up a base. It's jank but ticks some boxes, could be worth a go. If you like it the second one
is improved in some areas but worse in others.
- Construct a fully functioning space station and the elaborate factories needed to do so. Early access.
- Start up a company in Startup Company.
Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds
- A Star Wars skinned improvement on Age of Empires.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
- A Star Wars RPG where your choices matter.
Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order
- An action adventure where you go swoosh vroom zap bam swoosh
South Park: The Fractured But Whole
- A second South Park game? I think yes.
- Classic management/RTS games that stand the test of time. If you haven't played these before give them a try, they regularly go on sale for a buck.
- You alone are the survivor of a un underground Mars colony and must manage the colony while fighting for survival against mutant martians.
- A rougelike with a focus on exploration and story. Play as a flying train conductor and fight pirates. A sequel to Sunless Sea.
Super Daryl Deluxe
- It's Napoleon Dynamite if Napoleon Dynamite was a metroidvania RPG on crack.
Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance
- Build an unstoppable robot army and take down the opposition in this classic RTS.
- I've tried not to include any games that dad's already played but with the last major update for this game hitting soon it'd be the perfect time to actually get past the first boss.
TES IV: Oblivion
- The predecessor to Skyrim, it's ugly, it's broken, and it's charming. For me the story and characters of Oblivion are much more memorable than Skyrim. Unfortunately there's not a Steam workshop for it though.
The Banner Saga Trilogy
- A turn-based RPG about a Viking caravan where your decisions influence the story.
- Build a city for some cute little robots.
- Play as a member of a 1793 secret society, live a life of intrigue and manipulation on the hunt for your missing mother in this episodic tale where your choices matter.
- You've just survived a plane crash but your son, Timmy, has disappeared. Did he fall down a well? Build a fort, explore caves, and fight off cannibals in search of little Timmy.
The Outer Worlds
Another upcoming release that's been hyped up. Some time this year.
It's OUT. Fallout NV in space, hopefully.
- A god game where you manage your own planet where everything plays a part in your ecosystem. Early access.
This Land is My Land
- Survive, hunt, craft, and unite as a chief of a Native American tribe and take back your lands. Early access.
The Last Haven
- City builder RTS, make sure your civilians survive the nuclear winter. Early access, not worth playing yet.
This is the Police 2
- It's the follow up to This is The Police, if you liked that.
This War of Mine
- Play as a group of civilians trying to survive in a warzone. Scavenge for supplies, maintain your hideout, and make tough decisions.
ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove!
- ToeJam and Earl are back in a funky fresh hiphop rogue-like adventure.
, Pillars of Eternity 1 & 2
- Party-based RPGs made by Obsidian. All fairly quality for fans of the genre.
- An isometric RPG set in a distant future, where the remnants of humanity now dwell in a vast system of metro stations.
Untitled Goose Game
- It's a meme but probably worth a stream.
- A cyberpunk point and click adventure. Releasing in approximately 3 weeks.
War for the Overworld
- Modernized dungeon keeper with a bunch of bells and whistles.
- Deck out your Ranger squad and bring justice to the Wasteland in this isometric RPG from the producer of the original Fallout. Wasteland 3
in the works.
- I mean, you can become a weedlord.
- A spiritual successor to the older XCOM titles. A second one
is on the way as well.
Yes Your Grace
- You are the king, what choices will you make to keep your realm afloat?
- Manage emergency services across the globe. Think This is the Police but focused on simulation rather than story.
7 Days to Die
- Graphics suck and the core gameplay loop is pretty basic but building up and improving upon a base to fend of growing hordes of zombies is preeeeetty fun.
I love the slapstick humor of Hot Rod and the Napoleon Dynamite type of humor.
I’ve posted here before, and I got a lot of interest, but nothing really panned out. I figured I would try it again!
Hi there! I’m a 25 year old drama teacher in Michigan, USA, seeking my forever person. I love what I do. I’m usually rather bubbly and outgoing, but I enjoy only having a small group of close friends. One-on-one quality time of just talking about hopes, dreams, fears, and deepest darkest secrets is my jam!
The things most important to me are my niece and nephews, my friendships, and education. I just bought my own home (strong, independent woman, whaddup!) and have been spending my days working on remodeling it.
I am searching for my forever person that’s ready for the house, dogs, and white picket fence. I go back and forth on wanting kids, and right now I’m leaning towards a no. (Being an aunt is more than enough for me!)
I’m monogamous and identify as a lesbian, but it wouldn’t be off base to say that I’m bi. Some of my favorite things are gift giving, listening, and trying to be as empathetic as possible. I thrive off of being there for others, good communication, and honesty. I’ve been told I’m funny (so much so that I perform stand-up comedy), and my humor can be described as storytelling or just pointing out the obvious. I also enjoy stupid humor such as The Office or Napoleon Dynamite.
I was never really into the club or dating scene, and I tend to connect best with those older than me. Most of my friends range from early 30’s-40. I gravitate toward people more mature than me romantically as well. (I’m often a sucker for a 30-something thicc blonde, if I’m being blunt 🤷🏼♀️)
I love connecting with others, but am exhausted by all of the unicorn-searching profiles on all of the dating apps. While this is admittedly a bit nerve wracking, if you’re looking for someone that texts paragraphs all day, every day, would be your best friend and #1 fan, and puts their all into something... I’m your girl and would love to be your person!
If any of this sounds good, or you want to see my face, please feel free to drop me a line 😎
Please recommend me some books that have a quirky idiosyncratic (and somewhat well-spoken though not a necessity) narrator. The genre doesn’t have to be specific. I want to get back into reading, and the movies I tend to enjoy are ones with quirky and oddly-humorous characters i.e. Napoleon Dynamite, Heathers, Fargo and a couple of Wes Anderson movies.
One book I enjoyed a lot was Catcher in the Rye, although the MC wasn’t exactly ‘quirky’ he had a distinct narrative voice that made the book so enjoyable.
Thank you :)
Fight Club meets Napoleon Dynamite. I loved it. The darkness in the middle of the movie continued to rise and it just grew into this exemplary film (imo).
I particularly love the dry awkward humor of ND. I've seen the Sasquatch Gang which is also just as amazing.
We are mapping along, rather, I was mapping along and Leo was monitoring our various gas levels. He was still a bit skittish about being gassed in some abandoned mine; even more so after I told him to do a couple off deep-knee bends and watch his monitor.
He remained ramrod straight up from that point on. Heavier gasses always collect nearer the floor. It’s just that they usually
become mixed with the moving surface air and don’t remain pooled for overly long.
We’re trudging along, slip-sliding through the goo, poo, and shmoo of the mine floor. Mud, organic detritus, but oddly enough, no animals; no signs at all, not even spoor. I don’t mean just the larger critters like cats and rats and elephants, but no evidence of spiders, scorpions, snakes, or unicorns.
I puzzled a bit, then a thought hit. I dipped my gas monitor slowly to the floor of the mine while Leo kept a keen eye on me.
“Holy shit,” I said, “This whole mine is one, huge death gulch. It’s just we’re too tall to tell.”
I didn’t realize just how long this mine’s been static and atmospherically stratified.
This is not supposed to be able to happen.
I key the mike on our radios.
“Guys, heads up. Stratified air column. Breathable air levels OK above four feet, below that SCBA must be worn. Be advised. Careful walking around. You might cause the stagnant heavier-than-air gasses to mix and waft upwards. Walk slowly and with purpose. Check your Self Rescuers. High alert status.”
A stratiform air column like this is not such an unusual situation in many mines and caves.
But it is when the air column has such a strong, obvious upper airflow, and still develops such a heavily stratified vertical air column with the heavier gasses still concentrated toward the base; well, that’s one for the books.
After a bit of consideration over the scenario, I get back on the radio.
“OK, guys,” I say over the radio, “New plan: evacuation. Photograph everything on the way out. Let’s rendezvous at the first inner drift ASAP. Mind your monitors. If you must go into any hollow or declivity, use your SCBA. Apply caution. Maximum effort.”
“Roger that,” I received from Chuck and Al.
Leo and I walked stiffly back to our pre-arranged meeting point.
We all meet and we’re fine. All gas monitor levels are in the green. Some gas levels that should be in the serious green were just hovering in the lower green. But all within acceptable values.
“Chuck,” I say, “You’re the tallest. Spark an orange smoke-bomb and hold it high above your head.”
We had specially-designed MIL-spec luminous-smoke smoke-bombs.
As I said: Back off, man. We’re scientists.
He did so and the orange smoke was immediately wafted into a horizontal layer that spread above our heads through the mine on the obvious airflow.
“OK, as I expected.” I said, “OK, guys, watch this.”
I spark a purple smoke-bomb and drop it into the lowest divot on the mine floor.
The purple smoke mooched around near the ground. It spread laterally but didn’t rise.
It formed pools, impoundments, and puddles.
“Stratified lower air column with a strong active upper airflow. OK, that’s a new one.” I said.
We spent the rest of the day in the mine carefully documenting this weird phenomenon. If this isn’t one for Science Magazine and the Weather’s Prize, I don’t know what is.
Back at camp, after de-gearing, and checking that we hadn’t brought any nasties along with us, we formulated our revenge.
“This fucking mine aggravates me. We did everything by the book, yet it still threw us a curve,” Chuck notes, peevishly.
“Looks like we are going to need to re-write some geochemistry books,” I reply.
“Well,” Al adds, “We’re getting more data than any lab will know what to do with. What are we going to do about the mine, I mean besides close it? It’s easy as deadly as that one where Leo knocked on that locker of old explosives.”
Leo bristles. Chuck and Al laugh. I shake my head and grab a beer.
“Rock?,” Leo asks, “You’ve been awfully quiet. Your thoughts on the subject?”
“Oh, hell. There’s no question about it.” I say, “We’re going to kill this fucking mine. Kill it fucking true and dead.”
Chuck, Al, and Leo look at me and say: “Now you’re talkin’!”
I lay out the plans for the next two days.
“It’s going to take some doing, but I want you guys to prepare the adit for dynamiting. Stay close to the entrance as I don’t want to have to suit up to drag your hapless asses out.” I tell them.
“And the good Doctor?” Al asks.
“Oh, I’m going to gin up a special little surprise for our friend,” I say, “I’ve got to map the gas concentrations in the mine from the geochemical and air data sample data we took.”
“Uh, oh. This sounds ominous,” Chuck says.
“Oh, no, no, no. Nothing like that. Just the proper amount of unstable chemicals delivered to the proper place.” I reply, with a very evil-looking increasing Grinch-like grin.
“Doctor. You’re doing that thing
again. You’re scaring your colleagues.” Al says with wide eyes.
I do a quick Groucho-style eyebrow waggle, give a small wave, take my cold beer, and saunter over to the back of my truck while I open up the trailer.
I start with an inventory of our remaining explosives.
The guys begin work on getting the adit ready for demolition.
It’s taking me a bit more time than I planned, so I allow Chuck and Leo to go back into the mine and get some further airflow and gas concentration data.
I work that new information into my maps. I’m up all hours, posting data, verifying data, swearing at missed data points and outliers, smoking cigars, having my toddies for warmth, strength and inspiration, mapping and contouring data.
The guys are just leaving me alone to my own devices. They drop by every so often with a cold beer, being inquisitive, but I’m being ambiguous.
“Thanks for the suds, but you’re going to have to wait just a little
while longer,” I tell them, grinning evilly.
I’ve even gone to skipping meals, I’m that focused.
Finally, I’m done. The mine has been mapped as to concentrations of six different gasses.
I’ve located the perfect spot in the mine for my little gift; the place where isocons, lines connecting equal values of concentration, of methane and oxygen intersect.
I’m going to let this nasty old hole in the ground help us destroy it.
The mine adit’s been worked, charged, and primed. In fact, the demo wire leading back to the portal is grounded out against the leg of my camp chair.
After dinner dishes, I call everyone over to my truck. I have an announcement to make.
“OK, guys, here’s the deal,” as I whip back the sheet of tarpaulin to reveal my masterwork.
There lies a six-foot-long torpedo composed of multiple layers of various explosives. It weighs about 450 or so pounds. It would weigh more, but that’s the last of our explosives for the season. I have no intentions of taking any back. I hate the paperwork.
We have a battery-powered wheeled A-frame we can use to drag the thing to its final resting place.
The guys look. Blink. Look again, eyes wide, and just slowly say: “F….U…C….K…”
“Yeah,” I beam, “She’s a beaut, ain’t she?”
“Holy hopping fuck, Rock,” Chuck says, “We just want to kill this mine, not vaporize it.”
“You people just don’t listen.”, I say, shaking my head.
“Remember: ‘Nothing succeeds like excess’.” I profess.
Leo asks me what’s all in it.
“Oh. A little of this, a little of that, a lot of love…” I say.
“No. Really.” Leo persists.
“OK. Full disclosure,” I begin, “From the center out: Torpex, Kinestik and HELIX binaries. Then, Tyvek and duct tape. Layer two: RDX, PETN, ANFO, Tyvek, and duct tape. Layer three: Seismogel, Tyvek and duct tape. Layer four: 40% Extra Fast Dynamite, 60% Extra Fast Dynamite, Tyvek and duct tape. Layer five: Blasting caps, Primacord, C-4, Tyvek and duct tape. All wrapped up in jolly Kevlex blasting skin.”
One of our radio-controlled detonators is the cherry on top.
I smile as I sproing the little detonator’s antenna.
“SPROING, SPROING, SPROING,” sproinged the antenna as it waved cheerily to and fro.
“Rock,” Al says, “That’s…ah, I don’t know. That’s just overkill personified. I fucking love it.”
“Gentlemen, here’s the deal.,” I say, “Miners left their mark. Taggers leave their mark. I’d appreciate it if you all would sign this little creation as our proper and fitting final testimonial to our desert adventures.”
“Doctor,” they all say, “We’d be honored.”
We manhandle the thing down out of my truck. We assemble the electric woky that we’ll use to sling the thing into the mine, in just such a precise position, tomorrow after morning chow.
The day’s shot, and it’s dinner time.
Leo attempts again but redeems himself with grilled bratwurst and fresh-made sourdough buns, corn on the cob, sauerkraut, boiled buttered baby potatoes, and banana, chocolate, and marshmallow dessert burritos.
After clean up, we sit around and reflect. We also have a couple of tots.
And a few toddies.
With a couple of shots.
We add to that a few beers.
And the better part of a bottle of my best Polish vodka.
I have to admit, that after those last two days of mapping and fabrication, I’m a bit on the snoozy side.
I say good night to my colleagues and sleep the sleep of the just, dreaming my dreamy little demolition dreams.
The next morning, after a quick breakfast of sausage, egg, and cheese hash brown pies and coffee, I wander over to my truck to inspect, for one final time, our last creation together.
It’s not there.
“The fuck?” I say, “I could have sworn I left it here last night…”
I hear Chuck, Al, and Leo calling me back over to camp central.
I wander over and there it is, by creation, nestled all snug and secure in its travel cradle.
But it’s not the same as I left it last night. Something’s changed…
My guys, my stalwart colleagues, used all our remaining spray paint and committed an act of art on the goofy thing.
Leo may have had a sheltered life, but he sure knows how to paint.
The thing is aglow with transparent taupe, sky-blue pink, hot beige, electric mauve, neon periwinkle, fluorescent peach, and shocking lavender.
Chuck and Al were obviously responsible for all the geo-graffiti on the device.
“Protest dinoflagellates! Signed: * he Mesozoic society against perverted practices.*!”
“All my faults are normal!”
“Geologists know how to make the bedrock!”
“Let’s get dates and funky. We’ll all be (Mg, Fe²⁺)₂(Mg,
And other similar sad stabs at geological humor.
Plus there were three bold signatures, with room for one more.
I was moved. It was a really nice touch by my students, nay, my colleagues.
“Guys,” I say, “that is a violent
work of art.”
“Not until it’s signed by its author,” Al says and hands me a Sharpie.
With a flourish, I sign the device: “Dr. Rocknocker. From the best field team in the history of detonic chemistry and geology. [date] Nevada, USA.”
Leo looks over and says, “Well, Doctor
. We ready to go now?”
“Yeah,” I reply, briefly wiping my eyes as a quick dust storm must have blown through, “I do believe it is time.”
We suit up in our mine access gear, leaving back fully 75% of the usual kit, just taking our gas monitors, SCBA gear, and Self Rescuers. We’re going to need all hands on deck to wheel this thing up to the mine.
“Doc,” Al suggests, “How about this? I’ll get the Land Cruiser, and back it down here. We hook up the A-frame to the trailer hitch, leave the frame in neutral and I’ll drag it up to the adit.”
“Damn good thinking,” I reply.
“Make it so, gentlemen. I’ll meet you up there.”
Al does so and just to impress me, backs
the damn thing all the way up the access trail right to the mine’s adit.
He later tells me he likes to fish, has a boat, and spends a lot of his summers backing a boat trailer up and down a lake access ramp.
We unhook the A-frame and engage the electric motor. Luckily, my selected spot is in the middle of the main tunnel, down about 350 meters.
Al says he’ll park the truck, we’ll deliver the device, and can all ride back to camp in the Land Cruiser.
45 minutes later, we’re bouncing down the access road with the empty A-frame trailer in tow.
We were done and dusted in less than an hour. I figured this would take us at least half a day.
I explain that I want the adit blown first, to seal off the mine one way or the other. Then we’ll wait an hour or so, and then initiate the device. I want it all nice and quiet in the mine when I pop this party favor.
The guys go through the safety dance, and when I say “HIT IT!,” the mine adit explodes inward and downward. There’s a huge blow of dust as the debris settles. This mine is permanently closed for business.
Now, I want to drive the last nail in its metaphorical coffin.
But first, I want to savor the moment. I pop a bottle of not-too-terribly-expensive Dom champagne I’ve had hidden all this time. It’s been shaken, rattled, rolled, frozen, thawed, warmed, and finally iced for just such an occasion.
It should still be OK. I think.
I tell Leo to break out the Solo Cozy cups as it’s time for the Tamandar to toast.
We’re standing around my worktable, flanked by plastic tumblers of posh, sort of expensive French champagne.
It tasted of furniture polish. I thought it went off but then remembered, the pricier the fizzwater, the funkier the taste.
There are the obligatory toasts to Alfred Nobel, E. I. du Pont de Nemours, Ascanio Sobrero (the father of nitroglycerine) and Kievan Rus', the forefather of vodka.
We salute each other in turn and slurp down this awfully pricey and awful giggle water.
Leo goes to the back of my truck, gets a bottle of vodka, some ice, a lime, and a can of bitter lemon.
He grabs my glass, tosses out the contents, and creates for me my signature cocktail.
“Now, things are right in the universe.” He says.
The remainder of my crew follows suit for themselves.
Once all that is sorted, I pull the radio detonator out of my vest pocket. I gently set it on the table. We’re all in the cardinal positions, one per side.
“Mr. Albert. If you would. Please press the first button.” I say.
He does, and the unit powers up. “Beep.”
“Mr. Charles. Please engage the second.”
He does, and after a bit of blinking, it’s solid yellow. We have a radio connection.
“Mr. Leonard. Please press the third button.”
He does. The device vibrates, buzzes, lights flicker, stock prices fluctuate, winds shift, tides change, and suddenly, all remaining system lights are bright green.
That leaves the final flip-top button.
I flick open the cover.
“Gentlemen,” I say, “I can’t thank you enough for all your hard work this field season. We’ve been through a lot together. We’ve re-written old texts and will be writing some new ones. Seldom before have I had the privilege of working with such capable and affable scientists of your caliber. As this is the final shot of our field season, I’d be obliged if you gave me a literal hand.”
I place my palm above the button. Leo puts his hand atop mine. Then Al does the same, with Chuck bringing up the last.
“Rock. Ah, Doctor Rocknocker
. We’d be grateful if you gave the word.” They say in unison.
“Gentlemen, the word is given:…3…2…1…HIT IT!
We as one, mashed the big, shiny red button.
The throbbing desert above the mine cracked along a series of deep fault lines. A huge and hitherto undetected underground reservoir of gaseous methane gas lying far below the deepest mine drift detonated with the fury of a newborn volcano. This was followed seconds later by the eruption of millions of tons of boiling carbon dioxide and oxygen combustion-reaction products. These blew hundreds of feet into the air, lifting a huge piece of the roof of the mine in an explosion that echoed to the far side of the state and back again. This piece of desert real estate rose like a giant geological pancake, artfully flipped over, hung ever so briefly in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't, then flopped back down in the very same place from where it originated.
Well, that mine is well and truly dead.
We all agreed it was "a good gig."
So that was the last shot that ended our field season. At camp we didn’t have a final field blowout, there was no need. It would be overegging the pudding at this point. We did however run through a case of cold beer, a whole box of my best cigars, and the remainder of my stock of bourbon and vodka.
“Well, Rock,” Chuck says, “It’s official. We have to go back to town. We’re out of cigars. Can’t run a camp without cigars now, can we?”
“That's the conditions that prevail,” I reply, smiling at the ancient reference. Besides, they didn’t know I always have a spare box hidden in my truck.
So we retired for the night and everyone awoke to our last field breakfast on the campfire.
I decided to use all our last provisions for a glorious final field feed.
Besides the orange and cinnamon rum-ice glazed cinnamon rolls already baking in the fire, I was making eggs to order, cheesy hash browns, twice-fried French toast, elk sausage, ‘collision mats’ as Al dubbed my light and airy pancakes, back bacon, baked beans, fried green tomatoes, wild mushrooms, and homemade sourdough split-rolls with Nevada ‘Desert Delight’ candied honey.
And camp coffee, of course. With just a touch of Napoleon brandy, to put a fire in the belly.
Just a light morning field repast.
After breakfast dishes, we all pitched in packing. That took all of an hour.
We had plenty of time, so I worked on my usual after breakfast cigar. Al continued to try and teach Leo how to play cribbage. Chuck futzed around with the truck, shoveling out the accumulation of desert in the truck’s footwells.
“Well. Can’t put it off any longer,” I mused.
“Gents. It’s been an honor. Mount up! Remember: keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down. See you in the Bureau’s backlot in Reno.” I say by way of final motivation.
We got in our vehicles, fired them up, and headed down the dusty trail for the last time this season.
I was in for a bit of a shock as I was passed by the guys a short time down the path.
Leo was actually driving. Off-road. And actually not doing too bad.
But Al was riding shotgun white-knuckling it. He was having none of this as I could hear him screaming instructions at Leo.
Chuck was snoring in the back seat.
It was a pleasant drive back to Reno. The truck and trailer were virtually empty compared to our inbound journey. Sure, the trailer bounced around a bit more, but since it was empty, who cares?
Little traffic, the sky as clear as a fake confession, I actually had squirreled away a few cigars in my field vest and I was puffing contentedly away as I motored down the highway.
An hour or so later, I realized I needed fuel. I saw I was only about 60 miles from the town of Shitewater, Nevada. They actually had a gas station. And an air hose.
How 20th century.
I wheel in and am greeted by an attendant.
“Yeah, fill’er up. Here are the keys, she has three tanks. Two saddle and one rear.”
“OK. No problem. Regular or high test?”
“She deserves the best ya’ got. Oh, and check the oil and blinker light fluid. I’ve been bush for the last month.”
“Can do!” he says and begins his tasks.
I see they have a little general store with their gas station. I wander over to see what they have that I didn’t know I couldn’t live without.
“Ding, ding,” dinged the door dinger.
An older silver-haired woman behind the counter greets me. I do so in return.
“Help you, son?” she asks.
“Thanks. Just lookin’ while getting gas.,” I reply.
“Jesus,” she exclaims, “That’s some hogleg you got there.”
I sort of forgot I was still wearing my sidearm.
“I apologize, ma’am. I am licensed.” I explain, “I can go lock it in my truck…”
“No need, sonny,” she says, “Everyone out here is carrying.”
“OK. Thanks. ‘Sides, I’m just window shopping,” I say.
I look around and decide on a couple of pounds of their homemade ‘desert jerky’. The free samples taste uber good and so it falls into that ‘don’t ask, they won’t tell’ you of what it’s made.
I bought the kids some cactus candy. They’ll get a kick out of that.
There’s this really nice custom made Bowie knife with a sheath that catches my eye. The matron explains that her husband makes them now since he’s retired.
“Yeah,” she says, “He used to be a miner. 40 years diggin’ out gold, silver, nickel, vanadium
“Vanadium?” I ask.
“Yep. From the Pandora’s Box mine. It’s not that far from here.” She says.
“Now there’s a coincidence,” I say, “I’m a geologist. I just am right now returning from that mine. Or, at least, where that mine used to be.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
I tell her that I’m with the Bureau, and what my team and I have been up to for the last couple of months.
“Wait here,” she asks, “ELMER!” she yells, “Come here, you got to meet this guy.”
Her husband Elmer walks out and greets me.
“Go on, son,” she asks, “Tell Elmer what you just told me.”
“Well, sir,” I said, “As I was telling your wife, my team and I are just returning from what used to be the Pandora’s Box mine. We blasted that mine good and shut. It was abandoned, worked out, and was a potential death trap. We closed it down good and proper.”
Elmer looks crossly at me.
I wonder, did I say something wrong?
He grabs my hand and shakes it heartily.
“God damn, son. It’s about time!,” he exclaims, “About time someone killed that worthless pit.”
I just stood there, looking puzzled.
“Oh, she paid good when she paid, “he continued, “But she demanded blood sacrifice. I had many friends crippled by that mine. Then there was the gas. Fires, explosions, burnouts. Didn’t never kill no one, but sure scarred some for life. Then the pay run out. Then local kids used it as a hangout. Bad idea. But you can’t tell them that. I always said if they don’t close that hole, it’s gonna take some life.”
“Sir,” I say, “I can report to you, without fear of contradiction, that the Pandora’s Box mine will never harm another living being. My team and I saw to that.”
“Damn fine, son,” he says, “Who are you, if I may ask?”
“I’m Dr. Rocknocker, late of Houston, Albuquerque, and Reno. All my friends call me ‘Rock’,” I tell him.
“Well, Rock,” Elmer says, shaking my hand again, “I’m Elmer and this is my wife, Esme. Damn nice to meet you.”
“I’m sorry,” I ask, directing to the matron, “Your name again?”
“Oh. It’s Esme. Short for Esmeralda.,” she smiles, “My parents were very German.”
I just stood there with this very odd smile on my face.
“How’s this for a coincidence?,” I say, “Esme is my
wife’s name, short for Esmeralda. Her parents are very
German as well.”
She lights up, laughs, and pats me on the shoulder.
“Funny old thing, life,” Elmer notes.
Elmer shows me the Bowie knife I had my eye on. It’s a truly nice expression of the craft of knife making. Although, the asking price was a bit steep.
So, Elmer showed me the ‘private stock’ he and Esme made.
Elmer specialized in knives and Esme specialized in native jewelry.
I spent far too much, but it was from Es to Es. They gave me a dandy discount.
I also ended up with a Bowie knife, at a 40% discount.
I also got Elmer’s address and contact info. He said it would be fine if I wanted to interview him about the history of mining in this part of Nevada from a “grunts-eye view”.
After settling up with the gas jockey, plus an extra tenner for him as he scraped the bug juice and desert shmoo off my windshield, I’m back on the road, headed to Reno.
Four and a half hours later, I’m in Dr. Sam Muleshoe’s Reno Bureau office. I’m sipping his expensive hooch and he’s smoking one of my cigars.
The guys haven’t arrived yet. I figured it’s because they have three bladders to keep drained and I have only one.
They found the safety blitz behind my seat before we hit the highway.
It’s going to take me at least two-three days to finalize everything here before I leave.
Explosives manifests, and that annoying associated paperwork. Initial field reports. Expense accounts had to be padded. Letters of recommendation for my guys. Reports to their schools about their ‘grades’ and award of field credits. This is going to take some time.
Sam tells me that the hotel we stayed in still has plenty of room. The Bureau would foot the bill for another few days if that’s what it took.
Just then, Al, Chuck, and Leo stroll into Sam’s office.
“Well,” I say, “Looks like I fulfilled my contract. Even after all I did, you guys went ahead and lived.”
“Just made it back,” Al replies, “The truck’s back in the hands of the bureau and now we’re here.”
“Yes, you are,” I note, “All set to get back to the world?”
Three heads, in unison, shake no.
“Sam,” I ask, “Can the Bureau reserve four rooms for a couple of days? My guys need to decompress some before returning back to the daily grind.”
I slide a couple of cigars his way.
“I see no problem with that,” he replies, smiling. “Besides from the looks of all you, it’ll take you that long to scrape the Nevada desert off your epidermis.”
“OK, guys,” I say, “See you later. Make it tomorrow, at the hotel. Exit interviews. Al, Chuck, please clean and bring my Glocks. Now, the lot of you, shoo.”
Sam and I go over particulars for the rest of the day, at least until his private stock runs out.
“Let’s pick this up in a while,” Sam says, “Day after tomorrow. Leave me your keys, I’ll get the Bureau guys to give your truck the once over. Oh, if you want, you can leave the trailer here. Talked with Harry. No need for you to make a side trip to Albuquerque after all you guys have done. It’s Bureau property, after all. Let us worry about it.”
“I have…no objections,” I say, stone-faced. Sam laughs.
“Go get the shit you need for now out of your truck and we’ll drag you over to the hotel,” Sam says.
And true to his word, a Bureau employee drops me at the hotel.
Up to my room, after I see the guy’s signatures in the hotel register, I drop all my gear, pick up the phone and make a quick call.
“Hi, hon. We’re done,” I say, “In the hotel in Reno. A couple of days to finish up paperwork and I’ll be on the way home. Love to you and the girls.”
I hate talking to answering machines, but Es was out with the kids evidently.
Drawing the shades after remembering Myanmar, I lock the door, I peel and traipse to the bathtub.
“Calgon, take me away…” bubble, bubble.
It’s been a long couple of months.
Later, I work on the mountain of paperwork and finalize all the exit interviews.
Chuck, Al, and Leo will be leaving tomorrow. They want to take me to dinner tonight at some local hotspot before they depart.
“Thanks, guys. We’ll see,” I say, “I’ve got to work through this bookkeeping. Call me around 1900, I should know by then.”
“Rock,” Leo says, forcefully, “No fucking way. We’re taking you to dinner and you’re damn well gonna be there. Got that, mister?”
I poof an exclamation.
“Message received’, I laugh. “OK. See you in the lobby at 1900 hours.”
“Sir!” I add. “Now scat.”
“Yeah, he’ll do fine.” I smile, returning to my paperwork.
I work through the landslide of form-filling and filing. I talk with Es and she was out at the park, feeding the ducks with the kids. I realize that’s gonna cost me. Everything else is going along well at home. They’re all eagerly awaiting my return.
Back to my pencil-pushing. Letters finished. Interviews annotated. Manifests finally finished. I take a break, pour myself a cocktail, fire up a smoke, and look at the clock.
“What the fuck, over?” I wonder, “Two hours ago it was 1300 hours. Now it’s 1830. Damn.”
I meet the guys in the lobby. Leo has laid on cabs for us. He’s taking us all to the Eldorado Resort’s Roxy Bistro and Restaurant.
Or, as Leo puts it, “His father is…”.
We have no protestations.
We arrive at the resort and it’s packed. No visible empty tables. And they don’t take reservations.
Leo saunters up, elbows us aside and says: “Gentlemen, this is my turf. Watch and learn.”
Ten minutes later, we’re seated at one of the nicer tables in the restaurant. We already have a round of Rocknocker cocktails before us.
“I bribed the bartender,” Leo smiles and tips his glass in the time-honored Midwestern tradition.
We salute his ingenuity. Amuse-bouche
arrives as do the menus.
Tiny cognac-boiled quail eggs on a bed of puréed mushrooms. The pre-appetizers are tiny, delicate, and very, very rich.
The menus are varied, but beef heavy. I could go for a nice steak, but for some odd reason, there are no prices listed on the menus.
Leo pipes up, “Gents, by your discretion. I’m buying. Have what you want, stuff the price. It’s the very least I could do.”
“Well, then,” I say, “Let’s see if they have something off the menu.”
Leo asks what I’m up to.
“Well,” I say, “They have ribeye, New York strip, and T-bone. They must have a porterhouse or two hanging around back there.”
Chuck, Leo, and Al look at me, nod, smile, and fold their menus.
“Porterhouse sounds good.” They all concur. “Brilliant, Herr Doctor.”
Leo gives the garçon the high sign. He hurries over.
He and Leo converse for a few seconds and the garçon scurries off.
“He’s checking,” Leo reports.
The garçon returns and says that, yes, they do have dry-aged and hung porterhouse steak available. But, it will have to be cut to order, and that’s going to be expensive, he warns.
Leo dismisses that thought with a backward wave of his hand.
“I’d like one, 20 ounces, done medium. Mushrooms, corn, and a baked potato.” Leo orders.
The garçon is scribbling like mad on his order pad.
Al orders the same, though medium-rare. Chuck ups the ante to a 24-ounce steak, medium-rare as well.
They all sit and stare at me, knowing that a circus is about to erupt.
“Hmm…no grilled bierkaese sandwiches? Pity. OK, guess I’ll not break a new tradition. I’d like a porterhouse, 40 ounces, done blue. Grilled mushrooms and onions, corn, no potato, please.” I request.
The garçon writes down the order, declares “Very good, sir,” and scurries off.
Leo, Al, and Chuck look disappointed.
“Well, hell. That wasn’t any fun at all,” Leo groans.
The dinner came with house-made rolls, soup, and salad course.
Oh, yes; very nice.
Our steaks begin to arrive. They look and smell bloody wonderful.
After this, the sommelier arrives and places two free-standing ice buckets on opposite sides of the table. He brings a large bottle up to Leo. He inspects it and evidently it passed muster. Both ice buckets receive one of their own.
The sommelier stands at rapt attention.
Leo continues, “Rock, remember that Dom you had for us out in the field”?
Chuck snickers, “How can we forget?”
Leo continues, “It’s not that it was bad, or bounced around the back of your truck for a month or two in the desert heat. It was a 1991. Terrible year” he shudders.
“If you say so,” I reply.
The sommelier is shaking his head in fervent agreement.
“Now this is the real McCoy,” Leo asserts, “Dom Perignon, 1963. It’s the
Leo gives the sommelier the high sign. He goes through the oenophile’s safety dance, Leo sips a soupçon and pronounces it fit.
We are all poured a glass. In a real champagne glass, not a Solo cup to be seen.
Leo proposes a toast to us all and our futures.
I don’t care what anyone says, it still reminds me of bubbly furniture polish.
We finish dinner, which was spectacular. They are actually one of the few who knew how to do blue.
A person pushing a cart appears.
“Oh, I can’t,” I say, “The pot is full.”
Leo is aghast.
Rocknocker! Turning down a cigar?”
“Oh, my apologies. Thought that was the dessert cart.” I said.
The cheapest cigar on the cart was $45. I joked that I’d take a box. I instead chose one that was $65.
It was exquisite. I asked for the cigar’s pedigree. I’d quite like to look them up and see if they’re available in Houston. For only very special occasions.
Leo arranged for me to receive the information.
The check arrives after our second round of after-dinner brandies.
Leo grabs it, signs it, and returns it to the garcon.
“Don’t worry, guys. This one’s on me. Dad actually. Whatever.” Leo smiles.
We stand up, walk out, and into the resort’s lobby.
“Well, I’m off gambling. Anyone want to accompany me?” Leo asks.
“Leo,” I remind him, “Let’s not backslide.”
“But I’m just trying to be…,” he replies, “Oh. Yeah. Gotcha.”
Leo decides he wants to try his luck at craps. I could never figure that game out as I choose to cab it back to the hotel. Al and Chuck are going to hang around, just for shits and giggles.
I bid them goodnight and head back to my room.
The next day, it’s early and everyone’s up, packing their cars.
I understand why Leo didn’t want to take his new Cayenne into the field.
Sheesh. A Porsche SUV.
I’m hanging around one extra day, so I’m seeing everyone off.
Al, Chuck, and I all shake hands. There’s the obligatory small talk and promises to stay in touch. We all know these white lies. We’ll try, but life is never a guarantee.
“Drive safe, guys,” I say, “It’s been a privilege.”
With that, Chuck and Al wheel out of the Bureau’s back lot, and down the road in opposite directions.
Leo is taking a bit longer, with his all leather six-piece matched luggage set.
Well, Leonard,” I say, “I guess this is it. It was a bit shaky at first, but I’m pleased to tell you, you’ve really made some huge strides this last month.”
“Yeah, no shit.,” Leo smiles, “I suppose my Dad’s going to be in for a bit of a shock. But, that’s on him. Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, right?”
“Leo,” I say, “Remember when we first met and you told me how your Dad worked to get you here?”
“Yeah? So?” he asks.
“I recall you said he ‘ran to your major professor’ after he found out I was running the show,” I noted.
“Yeah?” Leo was sore perplexed.
“You also said this all occurred after
your father did some research on me,” I added.
“Yes…?” Leo said.
“Well, maybe,” I said, “Just maybe, your father had an ulterior motive…?”
Leo stopped, looked at me, and just pondered.
“Maybe…,” I said, “He was intent on my tutelage for you for some reasons beyond the scientific…?”
Leo’s eyes went wide.
“Fuckbuckets. I never thought of that.” He said.
“OK,” I replied, “Now you have something to keep you occupied on your way home. Drive safe, Leo. Keep in touch. Stay lucky.”
We shake hands, Leo gets into his ridiculous contraption and eases out of the lot and down the road.
“I hate long goodbyes,” I muse.
Back in Sam’s office, I deposit the pile of paperwork I had completed for this project. There will be more reports later, but my expense account’s been vetted, and Sam hands me a nice check, which includes a healthy bonus.
“We can cash that here for you before you go if you want,” Sam notes.
“Thanks. I’m good,” I say, “I’m leaving the trailer, as expected. I’m hot-footing it back to Houston, so that’s 32 plus hours driving. Definitely have to take a night’s snooze somewhere along the line. Besides that, if my truck’s ready, I am as well. I appreciate everything, Sam. We’ll be in touch.”
“We will,” Sam replies, “Stay safe, you old pyro and other kinds of maniac. Your truck’s in back, ready to roll. See you on the flip side.”
We shake hands, I get to my truck and saddle up. After a very quick stop at the hotel to retrieve my leftover gear, I toss it in the back of my truck and prepare to hit the road.
I’m just about to hit it when a courier runs into the hotel. I’m futzing around, getting everything in road-trip order. A second or two later, I hear a knock on the window of my truck.
“You ‘Dr. Rocknocker’?” he asks.
“Yep,” I reply.
“Please sign here.” As he hands me a clipboard.
I scribble my unintelligible signature.
He hands me a package.
It’s a box of cigars from last night. Leo bought them from the restaurant and sent them here before he left.
“That’s going to make the drive that much more interesting.” I think.
Reno to Vegas. Vegas to Phoenix. Overnight in Tucson. On to El Paso, hard south at Ozona. Follow I-10 through San Antonio. Schuss through San Antone, next stop, Houston.
Made it intact. Damn, it’s good to be back home again.
After greetings and customary present disbursement, Esme leads me to my office. There are piles of mail.
There are three that are marked important.
- We have a contractor in New Mexico. We can begin our dream house.
- A road on our New Mexico property has been dozed. Here’s the bill. I fish the Bureau check out of my wallet. Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.
- It’s a telegram from the Middle East. They’ve accepted my revised offer. They want me there in three months.
Well, as I say, it’s nut cuttin’ time.
“Es, can you and the kids be ready to move in three months?”
“We can, Rock,” she affirms, “Is that the letter from the Middle East?
“Yeah,” I say.
“And…” she prompts.
“They’ve made us an offer we can’t refuse. Especially with the new house being started.”
“Well,” Es smiles, “Guess I need to call Sally, my realtor friend. Looks like we have a house to sell...”
Any of you guys remember the movie "The Benchwarmers?" It was a comedy released in 2006 starring Rob Schneider, the dude from Napoleon dynamite, and David spade about three nerd adults playing in a baseball league against kids. When I was a kid this shit would crack me up non stop; the crude humor just really resonated with me. But that was 14 years ago and I was 9. When it came on Netflix recently I was so happy to watch it again after so long. I start it up and.........fuck, this shit is bad. Like really bad. The humor I once thought was great turned out to be nothing but unfunny gross out jokes and very bad acting. By the 50000'th shit related joke or gag; or just some retarded ass line not even half way through the movie, I gave up. I still love crude humor like superbad and what not but this, this was just uncomfortably gross. I'm not saying this as a review or anything just personal experience/opinion
AI artificial intelligence was a brilliant and heartbreaking movie especially the ending
Marvel should have made MCU tv shows a long time ago because there is a lack of character interaction between new and new and old and new heroes. Ironman, captain America and black widow will never meet the fantastic four or X-men
Heathers is miles better then mean girls in humor and in drama without being so heavy handed in the anti bullying message
Moonlight is a uninteresting movie, the protagonist is passive and barely speaks, the time jump gimmick is annoying and it introduces character dynamics which are more interesting then the main character yet never expanded upon
The only Grate nightmare on elm street movies are 1 and 3. The second one is abomination. Also if they remake it again it should be animated in 2D
The New Dora the Explorer movie was actually decent I was expecting it to be a lot worse but the beginning is pretty good I would have preferred if the movie stayed in the school and kept a self aware attitude if they did that it would be like Napoleon Dynamite
Hateful eight is one of Quinton Tarintinos best movies and I actually can’t see why people don’t like it as much as his other movies
Ready Player One is a cool looking movie with a decent plot but it values Nerd Gatekeeper Culture over actually understanding the meaning of the Pop culture references,
The Babadoke is one of the best Horror movies of the decade because it personifies the real world feeling of grief and once you realize that it makes the movie deeper and rewatched and more unsettling once you come to your own conclusion about the ambiguous ending and something like that will always be better then flashy jumpscares and over the top gore
I don't remember much about the movie itself but an opening scene sticks out in my mind. A teen boy is talking to his two friends while they're swimming in a pool in a backyard of a large house. The teen boy is trying to convince his friends to skip graduation and go to the zoo instead. Another detail I vaguely remember is the boy living at a crappy apartment with his dad.
Edit #1: It had a kinda dry humor vibe to it. Similar to Napoleon Dynamite, Ghost World, and Juno. I remember the motel/apartment looking room the teen and the father were staying at had bright blue walls. At one point there was no furniture and a mattress that was leaned up against the wall. I think they were also listening in to other people having sex through the thin walls?
Edit #2: Before the pool scene at the beginning I remember the opening was a school band playing at graduation.
Its another movie by Jared Hess that is basically Napoleon Dynamite’s humor times 50 lol. I discovered the movie back a couple years ago and it’s still one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, and in my opinion easily one of the most underrated comedies ever made. I have only met a few people who have also heard of the movie, and have shown it to a couple friends too. If you haven’t, then I would seriously recommend renting it on Amazon or something.
Lately there's been multiple posts on various social media sites hyping up the latest Riley Stearns film, The Art of Self Defense. On these posts, it's not uncommon to see blurbs such as "Fight Club if it was written by Charlie Kaufmann" and whatnot.
After seeing an advanced screening of it last Thursday, I will say that only one of those things in that statement is true.
In regards to the plot structure, it is basically Fight Club. Even one of the film's twists closely mirrors one of the actions committed by Fight Club's "Project Mayhem". Hell, even the themes of Toxic Masculinity are here (but increased to a level that is incredibly on-the-nose)
But if the film's skeleton is Fight Club, then its flesh and blood is Napoleon Dynamite. Whereas Fight Club was this really slick film that just oozed this sense of counter-cultural "coolness" (for lack of a better word), Self-Defense deliberately goes for a far more uncomfortable tone. The characters are all these awkward, hypersincere people with absolutely no sense of self-awareness; and the film's humor comes from seeing the skewed perspectives on which these people see the world and how they interact with it and each other. Throw in depictions of violence that're so brutal that they seem more like they belong in a snuff film than an action movie, and you get a film that is deliberately difficult to watch if you're sensitive to the uncomfortable scenarios it sets up.
While the film proudly wears its influences on its sleeves, I think it executes its ideas well enough to make for a decent watch. It's not gonna set the world on fire, but I don't regret paying money to see it. I've seen comparisons to Super here and there, and I feel like that is the closest thing I can compare this movie to (in regards to its tone).
Christine Baskets is such a sweet lady. I just want to hug her and take care of her. Louie Anderson deserves his Emmy and all the recognition he gets. Amazing.
Martha is also fantastic. Her weird flatness and wooden personality are offset by her social unawareness and blind devotion to chip. She reminds me of a grown up version of the girl in Napoleon Dynamite.
There is a lot of Galifianakis type humor, but also a lot of weirdly beautiful and artistic shots with a very French flair.
There's also a lot of warm fulfilling moments wrapped in between the humor that make this an absolute joy to watch.
Thus far, an easy 10/10 from me.
So, honestly, even with people in my last post wanting my second encounter with Jennifer, I was still a bit hesitant to post it. But then Salty Reddits put my last post in one of his videos (Hey! Wazzup, Salty?). So, here it goes.
This was only 2 years ago. I had gotten a job at a shoe store. A shoe store I still work at. And for those who didn't get their happy ending last time, let's just say I managed to get some petty revenge.
The cast: Moi - Your's Truly, Jennifer - Entitled Woman, Napoleon Dynamite - My coworker,
(Note, some of the convo is paraphrased like last time, again, can't remember everything.)
So, one night, it's just me and one of our co-wokers as the only ones left in the store. Sundays nights are just dead to the world. Anyway, my co-worker is at the counter and I'm off to the side reading a book. I hear the "bing-bong" of the store's door, not paying attention to who came in.
But then I smell Ham and Cheese hot pockets.
Napoleon Dynamite: Good evening, ma'am. Do you need help with anything.
Sickly sweet voice that I instantly recognize: Yes, I'd like to return these shoes.
I peek out from my little niche and see Jennifer, looking like she just got back from a Mimi Bobeck cosplayer reunion.
Jennifer hands over the shoe box to my co-worker. His expression looking like just crapped a brick. He turned over to me.
Napoleon Dynamite: Uuuh, Shalissa2434, can you look at this?
I sigh, roll and walk over, making sure not to look directly at Jennifer, lest she recognize me.
I look in the shoe box and if my BS-ometer wasn't going off before, it was definitely going off now.
Firstly, these were fake Yeezys. We didn't sell real yeezys, let alone fake ones. Secondly, while one shoe looked fine, it's mate, however, had burn marks all over it. As if someone had been putting their cigarette out in it.
Moi (still not looking in Jennifer's direction): Wow. What happened to the shoe?
Jennifer: Oh, you know how it is. Kids, am I right?
Moi (sarcastically): Your kids put out their cigarette's on the shoe?
Jennifer: What, no! That's silly. It's just a bit roughed up. Now, Can I get a refund?
This quack wanted a refund for shoes we didn't sell and with one severely damaged. Remembering how this woman got me fired the last time we met, I wanted to go all Tara Thornton on her ratchet behind and suck the blood right out of her.
But then I realized that this time, I have all the power and I decided to humor her. I nudged my co-worker.
Moi: Hey, I've got this. You go take-off early.
He nods and walked off, likely happy he didn't have to figure out what this creep's damaged is.
Moi (Looking directly at her this time, giving my own sweet smile.): Okay, so, I'm happy refund you for these shoes.
Jennifer (Smiling and clearly not recognizing me):Great!
Moi: I'll just need your receipt.
Jennifer (giving off a dear in headlights): Oh, I'm sorry I don't have it.
Moi: I think you're lying.
Jennifer: What, I'm not lying!
Moi: Yup, you're lying and I think you're oppressing me.
Jennifer: What? That's insane!
Moi (smirking smugly): And yet, it didn't stop you from saying basically that same crap to me.
Jennifer (gaping like a fish): What are you talking about? I don't know you. Refund my shoes or I'll have you fired!
Moi: No. We don't even sell these shoes and one of them is burnt. Now, get out of my store or I'll call the cops.
Jennifer: No. I want to speak with your manager.
I proudly held up my name tag that had, in bold letters, MANAGER.
Moi: I am the manager. And I wouldn't refund you even if those were our shoes.
Jennifer grit her teeth and huffed out of there. I haven't seen her since.
I'll admit that this is slightly dramatized but this is basically what had happened. I have no idea if she did recognize me or what her deal was. Part of me kind of feels sorry for just how pathetic she is and part of me is so glad that I could eventually stick to her. The fact that she got me fired from my job a theater of course still bugs me a lot, but I've moved past it for the most part.
Now, sadly, like I said in my last post, she is far from the worst and craziest entitled person I've met and I'more than willing post other stories if anyone wants to here them.
Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. He's one weird guy... © FOX 2004 Napoleon Dynamite is the kind of movie that rewards repeat viewings, thanks to some very subtle jokes and hints. There are plenty of odd details you just can... I DO NOT OWN THIS FILM SO CREDIT GOES TO THE FILM MAKERS. Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. Well that place was a rip off... © FOX 2004 Bloopers and out-takes from the 2004 film 'Napoleon Dynamite', starring Jon Heder and Jon Gries, and directed by Jared Hess. I don't own the rights to any of... Napoleon Dynamite will always be a treasure. Tina You Fat Lard Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvmXi4SZyUuuqLFADG_06lQ Napoleon Dynamite Funny Wedding Dance jeltryon. Loading... Unsubscribe from jeltryon? ... Wedding dance - Napoleon Dynamite - Duration: 2:46. Kris Hauser 3,030 views. 2:46.